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  1. #1
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    Default Putting newborn down without crying?

    Hello,

    This is my first post on a baby forum and I think their will be plenty more coming!

    So my name is Ryan, we have a 3 day old girl. Everything seems to be going fine apart from we can not really put her down for more than 5 minutes before she starts crying (ok, screaming) so in the last 3 days her mum has had nearly zero sleep due to the fact I am unable to keep her from crying for a long period of time (she really wants the boob right now)

    We have been trying to get her to sleep in her new little bed (right beside ours) but she just will not settle.

    She sleeps a lot during the day, but when it comes to night, she will just have no part of it.

    We are also trying to get her to lay in a little rocker during the day so we can have a little break from holding her (she is a 9.7 pound girl, so she gets quite heavy haha)

    We are just not quite sure what to do when it comes to crying? do we leave her to cry for a little bit so she gets used to it? (this is very hard as I just want to pick her up as soon as she cries) or do we introduce her another way?

    The same goes for bed, I know she is cluster feeding at the moment, but her mum really needs to get some kind of sleep at night (even a hour at a time would be a good start)

    Anyway, I am very new to this, my first little one, so any advice would be amazing!

    Thank you

    Ryan

  2. #2
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    Congratulations on your daughter! You will get a range of responses on this topic :-)

    Newborns take a little while to get their day and night sorted out. Taking her for a walk in the day time will help, as will ensuring the room is as dark as possible overnight. At night time you can keep talking very quiet and don't stimulate her other than to feed/change her to help her learn the difference. She'll learn.

    At that age I wouldn't leave her to cry at all. She is still adjusting to being outside her mumma and needs to feel close to her to be comforted.

    Are you open to cosleeping? It was the only way I could get sleep in the early days, although I know not everyone is comfortable.

    Will your daughter sleep on you? When my son was born, I used to sleep between 6 and midnight (approximately) while he slept on his daddy, who would bring him into me for feeds then take him away again. I'm not sure if this will work for you both.

    Congratulations again. The first twelve weeks are very challenging but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there :-)

  3. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

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  4. #3
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    Firstly, congratulations on your new addition!

    The first few days, or even weeks, can be incredibly draining while bub gets used to the world and learns the difference between day and night. Newborns can often cry when they're separated from their parents because it's colder and they're alone - very different to being in mums warm tummy where they never feel hungry!

    A few things that I found helpful:
    - Having the house very bright during the day, even when bub was sleeping, then as soon as the sun went down, dim lights only
    - feeding baby then going straight to bed and leaving her with my husband, even if I only got 30 minutes before she wanted to be fed again, it was time on my own and sometimes I'd be lucky enough to drift off for a nap. You might find draping yourself in your partners clothes / dressing gown will help settle bub while she is still getting to know your smell
    - I'm sure you're already doing this but make sure you're keeping your wife well fed and hydrated, this will help her produce plenty of milk which will fill baby's tummy and might lead to her being more settled.


    Most people, myself included, don't believe in leaving a newborn to cry on their own as long term, unattended crying can lead to some issues. So if you can, cuddles will help her get through this tough transition.

    Good luck, I hope your wife can catch up on a few hours sleep soon!

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  6. #4
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    Welcome Ryan I just had my 2nd Bub 11 days ago.

    3 days is super young, she is only just starting to adjust to not being in the womb. She also has no idea about day or night.

    What you're experiencing is normal and super tiring but it won't last forever. She needs your reassurance and it's natural for her to want comfort. I wouldn't leave a baby so young to cry. Do your best to give your partner a chance to sleep when Bub sleeps during the day.

    Have you tried a dummy? This is our saviour!

    It will pass!

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    Congratulations on your new baby! The others above have given some awesome advice from their own personal experiences. I can't speak from a personal experience, but I can give you advice from a professional perspective (I'm a midwife - there are a few of us on the hub).

    Day 3 is still early days. It sounds like your partner is breastfeeding, so it's possible your baby's behaviour is related to cluster feeding. When babies are cluster feeding, they are trying to bring in the breast milk. They will feed frequently and be more short/snacky feeds. They don't like being away from the breast! This is all totally normal, and the best thing you can be doing is letting her feed whenever she wants it. This will usually only last 24-48hrs. Once your partners milk is in, your baby should settle down and sleep better between feeds. It is important for your partner to get sleep in these first few days given stress hormones can affect the coming in of the milk. As @harvs suggested, maybe your partner can co sleep during the day at least, so she can get some rest but baby is close by. Check out the SIDS and kids website for tips on how to do so safely. They also have a phone app you can download to have on hand Co sleeping may aid in these first few days. Baby is close to the breast, but doesn't have to be physically held. Other suggestions would be for you to try settling baby away from your partner. Babies can get confused if they smell breast milk and may constantly want to feed because of the smell. It's a chance for you to have some bonding time too. Jump on the couch, put your feet up and have your baby on your chest. That way you're not physically holding her weight in your arms, but she gets that settling feeling of your warmth, your heartbeat and your presence. Skin to skin cuddles are awesome for this too (although if you're exceptionally hairy beware tiny fingers getting caught and pulling!)

    Dummies are fine, but in these early days, we don't advocate for them as it's very easy to shove a dummy in a babies mouth for it to suck away on. If you do choose to use a dummy, make sure that bub doesn't want a feed first. If she's hungry, a dummy will give her nothing. If she's using the breast to comfort suck, then this is where a dummy is useful!

    Have you got people to help out? If you're both as tired as it sounds, can you ask someone to come help out? Mum or dad to come over and help throw on a load of washing, do the dishes, sit and have a cuddle with baby while you both catch up on some sleep?

    All in all its early days. I promise it will get better. You both just have to find your feet Good luck!

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    Oh also, Google the fourth trimester. It will give you some insight into how babies transition to the outside world

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    Bugger, I just wrote a massive reply and then hit the wrong button

    Ahh well... Short handed version..

    Thank you everyone, I actually did not expect such a awesome response from you guys!

    We will try all of the things listed as there is some really good ideas.

    I didn't think leaving them at this early age was a good idea so thanks for reassuring me of that.

    Just another quick question, The standard is to sleep babies on their back (which we do every time of course) but we get very worried now that the milk has come and she is throwing up a fair bit, that if she is on her back while sleeping and spews, that she could choke on this and stop breathing?

    There must be some reason that this does not happen otherwise sleeping on their back would not be common practice?

    We both wake up all through the night while the other is taking care of her because we worry that she may have thrown up.

    does anyone have any reassuring tips on this haha?

    Ryan

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    I totally hear you on this, it's so worrying hearing them like this. Be sure to burp Bub after each feed, I find this helps.

    My bub naturally has her head slightly turned when she is on her back so if she does have a little cough or vomit it runs down the side.

    I'm sure others will have some better tips but I always get up if I hear her do this, my instinct can't help it.

    Was she csection? Because csection bubs do tend to have more fluids still in them which they need to get out post birth.

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    Just go with the flow. Treat bub like you would a new girlfriend you are trying to impress - whatever bub wants bub gets. Boobie all day if need be.

    Slowly you can start looking into things that may help bub develop healthy sleep patterns - ensure bedding and room temp is right, burping, swaddling, using a comforter, feed in the dark at night time etc.

    Congrats and stock up oh the coffee. After 3 months or so things will start to look much brighter

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    Is bub swaddled? Just make sure her head and neck are free from the swaddle so she can turn her head. Babies will instinctively then their heads when they vomit and sometimes will even swallow down what's coming up. If she's consistently vomiting, you can elevate the head of the cot slightly after a feed so you have gravity on your side too.

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