I am a regular BH member posting anonymously.
I dont know if i want advice or just a place to put my thoughts down..
I am so unhappy in my marriage and i want to leave him but so many ppl will get hurt if i do...
I am in my mid 40s , married for the 2nd time and a mother of adult sons with 1 still at home until early 2016. we dont have children together.
My husband is their stepfather and we have been married 12.5 years, together 13.5 years.
We separated in 2009 for 4 months but got back together.
My husband is a good man- he will do anything for me, he has been through alot with me- and i know he loves me i just dont know if i am in love with him or even love him anymore.
BUT In my eyes , we are more like friends than husband and wife.
My husband isnt romantic, he isnt touchy feely, he and i have s*x maybe 2 x a month and it lasts about 5 mins. He never holds my hand when we are out, he never randomly hugs me or kisses me. I cant remember the last time he told me i was beautiful or looked nice..
The only social thing we do together is the groceries on a saturday afternoon.. he is addicted to coffee and always without fail goes and buys 2 coffees when we are shopping- he has never asked me if i wanted anything, he just goes off and gets them.
Every Monday morning he meets a friend ( male) for coffee and if for some reason he cant make it on the monday, they make it for another time.. My husband never takes me out for coffee.. (im never invited to these coffee mornings by the way)
I dont even have access to the credit card or bank account online.. I have no idea how much is in our joint account- i have asked him for access to the account online and he says no. I fill the car up with petrol and i have to say a quick prayer that there is money in the account.
reading back on this as i type it, i sound really pathetic and selfish but today im struggling with my marriage.
early next year my DS2 will be moving to Uni interstate and i will have no children at home and i am dreading it as i dont know how i will cope with it just being my husband and myself.. I have always been a SAHM raising the boys and now they are men doing their own thing-( DS1 lives 20 mins away and works full time. DS 2 is working but going to Uni next year in Melbourne)
I want my husband to want to do things with me.. I suggested going on a day trip the other day and he said oh maybe , im kinda busy, yet in 3 weeks he is going to Sydney for a week to help a mate paint his house ( and yes he can take work off as he has leave accrued, but cant ever seem to take a night off to have a date with me).. I have planned lunches out and we go out and we dont talk, we dont seem to have anything to talk about anymore. I feel like im making small talk or we eat in silence.
Ive been thinking about leaving him once DS2 moves away but then there are people in my life that will be devastated that we have broken up- my parents- they adore my husband and he does so much for them. my mother has even said that my husband is too good for me and he deserves better.. the sun shines out of my husbands butt in their eyes , so how do I take him away from them? how do i hurt my parents who ring him just to say hello ?
i fantasise about a life without my husband and i want it- i want to be happy and not miserable but how can i be that selfish?
how can i make my husband want to do things with me? I ask him can we do something together and his replies are im busy, or what do you want to do.... why cant he make a suggestion? why cant he just put his arms around me and hug me?
im 45 and I feel so unhappy, so miserable. I have clinical depression and am seeing a psychologist next week to get advice on what to do..
I dont even know why i wrote all this dribble, i guess i just needed a safe place to vent