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  1. #221
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    Charlie I've found that in these clinics you're a number. My doc would get impersonal 3 line letters, and it was like trying to get off a merry-go-round on full speed

    One of my major complaints in this whole 'industry' (because a lot of these clinics are stock exhange listed) is the lack of informed consent- real statistics and outcome figures discussed before signing up for cycles. There seems to be too much romanticism and false hope at the benefit of shareholders, with little thought for honest medicine.

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  3. #222
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    @Charlie74, we did 5 stim cycles with 10 tranfers before moving on to DE. In the last stim cycle when i had my first scan and the numbers were crap despite me being on the highest possible FSH, i knew in my heart it wasnt going to work and that it was over for my OE. I don't think i could have moved to DE prior to that without that epiphany, especially as i still considered myself "young" @ 32. At the end of the day we want a large family and knew that persisting with my eggs wouldn't get us there. @Kay2015 we'd like to do dinner. We can do any night from 17th to 21st except for the 19th. Would be great if we could get a group of us! @Sunny would have also liked to do the 25th but we're in franschhoek that day.

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  5. #223
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    Kay – Unfortunately I only arrive in CT on the 20th

    August ladies – I can meet up any day from the 22nd to the 28th.We are doing an FET, so DH will not be joining me. Since I’ll be travelling alone and also using cabs to move around, I prefer to meet afternoon/late afternoon until around 7pm/ish.
    Last edited by faith15; 06-08-2015 at 02:54.

  6. #224
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    @Charlie74, I did 5 stim cycles, transferred 10 of our own embies and had a downs syndrome miscarriage. We then signed up for DE in Aus and I was planning on doing another stim cycle or two while waiting, but was matched up with a donor in a week. I wasn't really ready but couldn't let the opportunity pass us by.
    We transferred 5 embies and had 1 miscarriage - also chromosome related. Lucky aren't I. By that time I had lost another 8 months so the window had really closed on my OE, so moved onto donor no. 2 in CT. I'm completely at peace with DE now, especially since I'm now 43, but at the start when we got our first donor I was incredibly stressed about closing the door on my OE too soon (having just turned 42). I guess one piece of advice would be that if you are 'eventually' open to DE, then try as much as you can bear (and afford) with your OE first as DE will always be there and there is no expiry date on when you can do it (within reason of course - nobody sane wants to be a 60yo mother). From your username I am assuming you are only 41 so still have some time up your sleeve.
    My second piece of advice is go with a very young donor. My first donor was 34 and even though that's not outside of the preferred range, and this makes me sound very ungrateful, I believe that is the reason for our second chromosomal miscarriage. HOWEVER our second donor was 24 and from the two perfect embies transferred we are still not pregnant ffs.
    DE is something I would have bet a million dollars 10 years ago that I would never, ever do. I spent my entire life absolutely adamant that I did not want children, then at 40 my now-ex-hubby convinced me that it would make our life even better. Then up and left me a couple of months later. Luckily my sweet DP came along almost immediately (while I was still a broken mess) and here we are.
    It has reached a point for me where we had invested so much time, effort and money that I just can't stop. All that will have been for nothing if we stop now.

    17 embies down, 2 more waiting for us in CT. If these last two fail, we will go for donor no. 3 I will be gutted if we are THAT unlucky.

    AFM, still waiting on the results of last weeks’ blood tests to find out if I have some strange, rare disease which stopped all those embies sticking. I’m betting I have no issues other than chronic bad luck. My poor DP who had a little meltdown 2 nights ago about the money has gone back to his usual carefree self. I suggested last night that he spends some serious time thinking about if he really wants to continue, but who’s kidding who, if he doesn’t I will convince him otherwise. I’m just hoping and praying that HE is the one who says lets continue.

    My one last piece of advice is that its not really that bad a thing if it doesn't happen for you straight away in a new relationship. I know age is not our friend and I was trying like mad to make it happen when DP and I first got together, but now I'm kind of grateful that we didn't immediately become a family and had some time to just be me and him as a couple. That is how I've turned a negative into a positive in my head... Of course if it HAD happened we would have still made a happy life together (I think) but it would have made it harder that's for sure. But he was brand new to me, you at least knew your DP beforehand so the getting-to-know-you bit is probably redundant..
    Sorry, I'm waffling.

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  8. #225
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    Oh God Leyshoja I hear you - nothing makes or breaks a relationship like IVF and everyone's true colours come out that's for sure. It's certainly bought DH and I closer together and going through this we know we can get through anything.
    BTW he is my later in life husband too...


    AFM have booked and paid for everything now thankfully - started synarel as well.
    Staying at the Cape Heritage in the City for something different for a couple of nights when we first arrive before moving on to our Airb&B cottage in Rodenbosch/Newlands. I remember ages ago someone raving about Cape Heritage on here - and it certainly looks like a nice boutique hotel. And I found it at about half the price of some of the quoted rates (even from their front desk!). I guess it goes to show it pays to spend a bit of time faffing around on the internet if you're on a tight budget.
    Em x
    Last edited by emski72; 06-08-2015 at 10:26.

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  10. #226
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie74 View Post
    @leyshola not waffling at all... I appreciate ur lengthy reply. after reading it I really felt I have to say how much your words have resonated with me- especially the fact that you were around the same age as me when found yourself in a wonderful new relationship just like I did.

    My god I really can't fathom how much you have been thru.. I feel like such a sook for feeling sorry for myself after 1 bad IVF cycle

    Reading all that you've been thru is really sobering to me- I don't know how you've managed to keep going- I'm in awe.. but I guess it's testament to the saying 'never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about'.

    I think what you've said is really really helpful- that even if we're open to DE, to try for a long as is feasible with OE bcos DE will always be there as a great option. I think in my mind maybe I'm open to doing another 1 maybe 2 cycles, and then move on to DE.

    My DP also sounds a lot like urs... He basically said to me yesterday he'll do whatever he can to make me a mummy. He says he never thought much about having kids till we got together, but now wants a child as much as I do- but will also be ok if it doesn't happen, that we can have a wonderful life together even without children. I know that's true, but at the same time It scares the hell out of me- I feel like where's my purpose? Where's my reason for living if it's not to parent & live that life?? Everything else seems hollow without kids.

    Anyway, I'm going on a bit now.. But really thanks for ur reply, it means a lot. I really wish u so much luck in CT this time X

    Thanks girls for all your replies. It certainly helps
    Wow, you have the same man as me! I think I've weathered the storm maybe better than most because I feel like I don't want it as desperately as most women seem to. I don't have an empty feeling or a lack of purpose, but I'm also not one who has ever had any huge goals other than to live a happy and comfortable life. My dr says every time I see him that my resilience is astounding.
    Sounds weird I know, but I want that massive life change that everyone tells me about, to feel how wonderful it is to have that all consuming love. I want to see my DP as the wonderful father I know he will be. I want to experience the feelings that my close family are all so desperate for me to feel. I want what I think that life will be, rather than an all consuming need to propagate my DNA. Maybe that's why I found the transition to DE easyish? I know I will have an all consuming love for any baby I carry but I guess I'm still of the opinion that you can't miss what you never had. But I think you could carry a yearning and a regret your whole life for what you think you could have had, without even having an actual experience of it. Hard to explain my feelings, but that's the closest I've ever explained it to how it actually is..

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  12. #227
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    Wow @emski72 on synarel already !! That makes me feel like my cycle will start really soon as I'm only 2 weeks behind you woot woot

  13. #228
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    And don't feel sorry for yourself @Charlie74 - or at least don't feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself. We all do it. And like you I'm sure, I was POSITIVE that my first, or at worst my second IVF cycle we would just be pregnant. I thought it was just 'speeding up' the process. I never, ever would have guessed it would be this hard, but as I said, I think I've been particularly unlucky. At 41 you still have a great chance but it's a fast downhill slide from 42 so get cracking !! I so hope you are one of the lucky ones that only has to stim once or twice and job done.

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  15. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie74 View Post
    Hi Girls.. Am still following along and reading all of ur posts.. And taking comfort & joy from ur positive experiences.

    So In hindsight what would your advice be?
    Hi Charlie
    I don't think I can give advice, as everyone and their situation is so different.
    But ...we started IVF after we had a natural pregnancy and miscarriage at nearly 39 ( after a couple of tracking cycles). We have done IVF since in ( I'm nearly 41 now) we did 5 and the last sounded similar to your we had 11 and of that only one survived to day 5 they all either failed to get to day 5 or CGH testing, confirming our choice, which we actually made before our last cycle ( we had already committed to last IVF cycle) in my mind I had already decided the IVF route was a dud for us as my eggs are obviously too dilapidated !! too much of the good life perhaps or luck of the draw??(still feels really unfair ...) . Im not sure if this is right but we still have an untested day 5 egg in the freezer but i decided that I wanted to start the DE route as I would like at least two kids if possible ( but would feel blessed with any !) and we are okay with mixing ( for want of a better term). We feel very comfortable with the DE route and we go for out first "cycle" at end of August, fingers crossed ! Good luck with your decisions.

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  17. #230
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie74 View Post
    Hi Girls.. Am still following along and reading all of ur posts.. And taking comfort & joy from ur positive experiences.

    We've only done one IVF cycle & we've ended up with 1 embryo that has been tested (PGS) and will await results in 3 weeks. Am pretty disappointed- can't believe out of 12 eggs we've ended up with ONE embryo. But I guess when ur almost 41 maybe that's to be expected and my own expectations were unrealistic...

    for the ladies who have already gone down the DE path, how many OE cycles did u do before deciding to move on to DE?

    I know the process will be different for everyone, and it's very individual, but I'm just interested to know everyone else's experience- and if you could give someone else advice about making the decision as to WHEN to move on, what would it be??

    I guess after only one IVF cycle that hasn't exactly been a great result, im feeling like OMG I can't do this over & over again & keep potentially getting the same hopeless results. My DP & I have only been together for 2 years in November (friends for 4 years), and he has made me happier than I've been in 10 years... I just feel like I don't want to spend the first 1-???? However many years of our relationship doing this.

    So In hindsight what would your advice be?
    Hi Charlie,
    I had done 27 stim cycles with my own eggs. I am now 40 and started IVF when I was around 34 due to the fact that my fiance was never home and worked away. I went to SA in in June and the first one worked. The clinic is fantastic and is way better than any of the 4 clinics I've been to in Australia. It was initially hard for me to move on to DE hence why I did 27 cycles but I am now really happy that I did.

    For me I don't know if I could have moved onto DE after just doing one cycle because normally the first cycle with a clinic is trial and error to see how well you respond. Good luck with what you decide.

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