My Fiancé and I have been TTC for about 15 months now. It is getting extremely mentally and emotional tiring, One week I feel like I'm ok with the fact that "it will happen when the times right" and the next week I want to kill anyone who mentions those words and I become so angry and frustrated that nothing's happening because I am so desperate to be a mother!
I'm sure there are a lot of woman out there who share my ups and downs and that my feelings are pretty normal for this situation.
What I'm not sure of is how I've been feeling about one of my closest friends for the last few months... She has a 14 month old daughter who we are godparents to and extremely close with. I spent a lot of time with her when she had the baby helping out (by her doing and not me over staying my welcome) .I've always been understanding of them having a baby in the way of I/we always go to them for dinner, drinks, coffee and general catch ups and I've always been completely fine to do so!
Now I'm at the point where all of a sudden it really frustrates me that we are always expected to go there "because they have the baby" and that maybe we want to be the ones at home for a dinner party, maybe we don't want to have to be the ones catching a taxi every time, maybe we have important things to do too! Just because we don't have a baby (toddler) doesn't mean that we want to have to go out to them every time! So this sounds absolutely awful and it's not or never has been the kind of person I am!! I have always been so respectful and understanding of all my friends with kids and they so kindly have always been the same back to me in my own situation. This particular friend doesn't see that there's any issues coz I've never mentioned anything- I realise how crazy and nasty I would sound so I wouldn't!
I have also been asked to mind her daughter every Monday for 5 weeks because she has to work. I absolutely want to help her out and I know how much she appreciates me doing it AND I love her daughter so much- BUT I am completely stressed out about my conception issues, I am planning my wedding for 3 months time (we wanted to have babies first but when it wasn't happening we thought we'd tie the knot sooner) and every Monday so far I have stewed over the fact that I don't have time for this I need my own space and my own time And I just don't want her there- oh god it's just ridiculous what trying to conceive can do to your mind!!!
Does anyone else feel like by their own doing and feelings they are pushing their friends away :-/