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  1. #31
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    I'm very close to my mum but I wouldn't want her in the birth suite with me. No way. That's just for me and DH and no one else.

    As to support in general - we both support each other. About 5 years ago I noticed that she was starting to lean on me for support more than when I was younger and that's when I first realised she was getting older and our relationship was shifting.

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  3. #32
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    my mum came in with my first,
    But I found we kind of clashed a bit, not sure why as I love my mum but I went all I will stab you on her

    so my older sister came in with #2 and if I have another I desperately want her there as she was truly amazing, drug free, vaginal delivery of a 9p7 posterior baby (I wanted no drugs) and I truly dont think without her and my midwifes I could have done it so well, my sister just seemed to know what I needed without words.

  4. #33
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    I was a single mum so didn't have fob there. So mum came . It was good to have her there definately.

  5. #34
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    My mum and I had a rough relationship after I moved out of home at 15. I was 21 when I fell pregnant and that cemented a bond between us,,,so glad it happened. When I was in labour for over a day I said to dh " I neeeeeddd my mum,call her now!" She came but ended up leaving after I had been pushing for 2 hours. I think it got too much for her. She's a bit hopeless like that...can't handle the pain of watching her kids in pain. She just would rather not be there in the first place which is probably better.

  6. #35
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    Mum and I have a complex, strained relationship. She has never been there for me my entire life, she was always too invested in dealing with her own f*cked up relationships with men to ever worry about me.

    As adults it's still a one way street. Every conversation starts with her asking the compulsory 'so how's everything with you?' I reply briefly and ask how she is.... cue me listening for the next hour about her woes, which are almost entirely self inflicted. She isn't even interested in me or my life, I'm just a vessel for her to pour her dysfunction into.

    I would rather throw myself off a bridge than have my mother anywhere near me during my births. I so wish I had a mother to confide in and laugh with I'm going to be that for my daughter.

  7. #36
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    I have a great relationship with my Mum. We support each other, she probably supports me more but when she needs my support she has it

    She does live 8 hours away but we talk regularly and she's always spoiling us with little things for the boys or sending me money for nappies (not that we need it, she just likes to do that).

    In terms of supporting me during birth- no way!! We both agree that she'd be terrible. In fact my Dad is coming down to stay with us before #3 is born, and if things progressed quickly at home he'd do really well.

  8. #37
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    almai is offline "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
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    When I was a teen my mum started her midlife crisis so wasn't there to support me... And still isn't.
    My ex dp (thankfully) was with me in hospital when I gave birth to my still born twins but I was left to deal with it emotionally and physically on my own once I got home. (I was 19)
    My mum didn't come to hospital and didn't even visit me at home.
    When i broke my knee a few years ago, she didn't once bring around dinner or do dishes or anything (luckily for me my MIL did )
    My mum outed me as gay to my family well before I was ready because she wanted the attention and the 'support'. And she outed our news when we were ttc.
    I wouldn't dreeeeam of having her anywhere near me during labour. And I haven't told her we are ttc again now.

    Even tho she hasn't been there for me... I still try to help her, (I clean her house occasionally, have her over for coffee, make dinner for her dog cuz she often forgets to buy dog food , help sort her house cuz she's a hoarder) I don't know why. Part of me hates that she isn't the mum I want or need and part of me feels really sad for her and the mental illnesses she has.

    And now I'm rambling....

    But thanks to this thread, I don't feel like the only one with a shi**y mum

    X

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDrakeRamoray View Post
    My mum died when I was 8 so I wouldn't know.
    Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss 💕

  10. #39
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    Growing up I had a strained relationship with my mum. I ended up at boarding school and by the time I was 12 I was lucky if she was home on my holiday periods for days at a time. She would spend long periods of time chasing after different men. I became extremely self sufficient very young. Now she is married to a stable man, she is a lot better, but we never will have that I want to share things with you relationship. So no I would not feel uncomfortable with her at the birth. DH is all I need


 

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