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  1. #1
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    Default Advice needed for very tired mumma!

    Apologies in advance for long post.

    My 8 month old DS is a shocking sleeper! I have tried so hard to create a good sleeping environment, strong routine, be consistent etc but I feel as though I am failing him as it is just not working and we are both exhausted.
    We are now (after months of work) able to put him down to bed without too many dramas; he is happy to be put in his cot awake and self settles to sleep. I put him to bed around 7pm and he will sleep till approx. 11pm when he wakes for a feed. He is put back in the cot awake and settles himself to sleep....however he then wakes anywhere between 15mins-1hour ALL NIGHT LONG!!! He wakes crying out, if I leave him to try to self settle he escalates so quickly and then it can take hours till he is calm enough to try sleeping again, although he will quite happily self settle before 11pm. I have tried to be consistent with my resettling technique, wait listen to the cry, give chance to self settle, enter room, hand on tummy, reassurance, shush, then leave. However the last two nights it has become too much and I have sat on the sofa with him in my arms - he still woke crying every 30mins

    I just cannot work out what is causing the constant waking; any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am really struggling. My DS is such a great kid - we have the best times together and he is a lovely during the day, very outgoing, smiling etc I just feel as though the sleep problems are weighing over us and impacting my ability to be a good mum as I am exhausted.

    Some additional info: DS is breastfed 4 hourly, 3 meals of solids a day+ morning/afternoon tea, he is a great eater.
    Night time routine is dinner as a family, short playtime, bath, pjs, story & cuddles with dad, bottle of EBM (was consistently falling asleep at the breast this now allows me to put him to bed awake) into bedroom, story in cot (same story every night) kiss, lights off, leave room.
    Room temp is approx. 18deg, wears a long sleeve vest, onsie, sleeping bag and blanket over the top. He has a dummy but it is usually still in his mouth when he wakes, he also has a comforter.

    Thanks if you managed to read all the way through!

  2. #2
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    Some kids are just crappy sleepers no matter what you do. My eldest woke every 40min from 7mths till 9mths. We fed to sleep and bed shared to get thru it. This age is difficult. IMO, just do whatever gets you the most sleep.

    I definitely didn't teach my kids to self settle ever. I'm a feed/pat/cuddled till passed out mum. Good luck with it all. IMO just ride it out.

  3. #3
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    Because he self settles so well and still wakes so often, I would wonder about maybe something else going on? Maybe reflux or food intolerances causing a sore tummy? Does his bowel movements seem normal? The other thing I would wonder is if he is warm enough in his bed? He could be waking because he is cold? Also look at his day sleeps - at that age my LOs were having appx 3-4 hours day sleep in total,usually 2 sleeps. Also, is he eating enough in the day, &protein with his dinner?Maybe his feeds are too far apart at 4 hourly, making him hungry at night?My 7 mo DD used to do feed-play-sleep in an approximate 3 hour cycle, now her day is wake-feed-solids-feed-sleep. It looks a bit like this -

    7.30 awake &breastfeed
    8.30 brekkie
    10 breastfeed
    10.30 asleep
    12 awake & breastfeed
    1 lunch
    2.30 breastfeed
    3 asleep
    4.15 awake &breastfeed
    5 dinner
    6.30 breastfeed/ebm
    7.30 bed


    Hope that helps. @VicPark usually has some great sleeping tips.

  4. #4
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    This is me. R&A knows all about it!

    DS is 10 months, he's been doing this since 6 months. your baby sound exactly like mine. I tried the pat/shush/leave room and come back and it was an absolute disaster. I'll never do it again. He won't sleep in my bed either.

    I suggest taking him to the dr for a check up to make sure nothing is bothering him overnight (ears are a common one).

    I've made an appointment with an infant sleep psychologist to get some ideas on what to do. Personally I think it's separation anxiety and it hits him at night. I need to learn how to handle it so he feels safe and secure overnight. he happily goes to sleep alone during the day and at the start of the night but not overnight.

    Not much help but I know how you feel at least! Hugs!

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (16-07-2015)

  6. #5
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    Thanks for your replies :-)
    I usually am a huge fan of "do whatever works for now" kind of parenting but then everything that did usually work just stopped so thought we'd try a more structured routine. He won't sleep in our bed - he'd prefer to but still wakes every 30mins or so.
    We used to feed 3hourly but CHN said to start spreading out to four hours and tbh it's a bit of a struggle to get that many feeds in him. Regarding solids, I never know if I'm feeding him enough/too much - just never seems full, and really enjoys his food. A typical day for him usually looks like:
    7am feed
    7:30am 1 weetbix with water and stewed pear
    9am sleep (anywhere between 20mins - 1.5hrs depending on his mood!)
    10am morning tea of strawberries and half a homemade savoury muffin
    11am breastfeed
    12 lunch today for eg. He had grilled chicken pieces, pumpkin and couscous fingers, half a tomato, cucumber sticks, slice of cheese, piece of steamed broccoli. Half a banana
    12:30 nap
    2pm afternoon tea of rice cake/fruit/muffin
    3pm breastfeed
    4:30 quick 20 min nap in the Caron the way home from activities
    5pm dinner of protein, veggies and carbs. Dessert of fruit and yoghurt. Eg. Today he had lamb, vegetable ragu and brown rice with steamed fingers of carrot and zucchini. Kiwi fruit and small serve of greek yoghurt.
    6.45 bottle of Ebm if he drinks this quickly and still seems to be looking for more I will offer a slice of wholemeal toast.
    Does this seem enough?

    Do you think I should add more layers to what he wears to bed? I'm just conscious of the SIDS warning of over heating.
    Would it be sensible to take him to the Dr and ask to check for any underlying issues? Sorry for all the questions...first time mum!

  7. #6
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    @Pearlygirl - thank you so much for your reply.....I was beginning to think I was the only one! All my friends' bubs have slept all night from being tiny!

  8. #7
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    My bet it's separation anxiety. Some kids are more 'anxious' than others and it's truly up to you how you want to deal with it. We also had a rock solid day/feed/food routine but that has zero bearing on emotional turmoil. Because we bed shared from birth on/off both our girls sleep easily in our bed and that gets me extra snooze.

    Like last night when my 3yo had a nightmare. She just climbed in, asked for a hug and rolled over. Total wake time 2min for me.

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    AdornedWithCats  (16-07-2015),Daydreaming  (16-07-2015)

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daydreaming View Post
    Thanks for your replies :-)
    I usually am a huge fan of "do whatever works for now" kind of parenting but then everything that did usually work just stopped so thought we'd try a more structured routine. He won't sleep in our bed - he'd prefer to but still wakes every 30mins or so.
    We used to feed 3hourly but CHN said to start spreading out to four hours and tbh it's a bit of a struggle to get that many feeds in him. Regarding solids, I never know if I'm feeding him enough/too much - just never seems full, and really enjoys his food. A typical day for him usually looks like:
    7am feed
    7:30am 1 weetbix with water and stewed pear
    9am sleep (anywhere between 20mins - 1.5hrs depending on his mood!)
    10am morning tea of strawberries and half a homemade savoury muffin
    11am breastfeed
    12 lunch today for eg. He had grilled chicken pieces, pumpkin and couscous fingers, half a tomato, cucumber sticks, slice of cheese, piece of steamed broccoli. Half a banana
    12:30 nap
    2pm afternoon tea of rice cake/fruit/muffin
    3pm breastfeed
    4:30 quick 20 min nap in the Caron the way home from activities
    5pm dinner of protein, veggies and carbs. Dessert of fruit and yoghurt. Eg. Today he had lamb, vegetable ragu and brown rice with steamed fingers of carrot and zucchini. Kiwi fruit and small serve of greek yoghurt.
    6.45 bottle of Ebm if he drinks this quickly and still seems to be looking for more I will offer a slice of wholemeal toast.
    Does this seem enough?

    Do you think I should add more layers to what he wears to bed? I'm just conscious of the SIDS warning of over heating.
    Would it be sensible to take him to the Dr and ask to check for any underlying issues? Sorry for all the questions...first time mum!
    The food sounds great to me! If he's hungry, IMO feed him up. They are growing really fast and need the calories. My DS eats a similar amount, at the moment my rule of thumb is that I feed him until he refuses food each meal.

    As for sleeping - I found that my DS is a cold fish. This winter he sleeps in a onsie, long sleeve singlet, socks, then a sleeping bag with sleeves, a cotton and a wool blanket, and with the heater on. His room is around 21ish degrees. Any less layers and he is cold. For my baby at least, if his hands are cold/cool, he's not warm enough and he wakes more. I have been so worried about the SIDS safe sleeping/don't let them overheat but at 10 months now I've found that he really is a kid that just needs the layers, and I'm not so worried about it. So long as they aren't hot/sweating/red etc it's probably ok.

    I would take him to the dr just for a check up if he hasn't had any for a while. Extreme restlessness in my LO has always been because of illness (very hard to settle, awake for hours at a time, more frequent wakings), even if he's happy during the day. It never hurts to make an appointment just in case. The worst thing the dr can say is he's healthy!

    I wish DS would sleep in my bed, he just thinks its playtime and crawls around and around and won't lay down. He also only wants mummy overnight - DH tries to settle him but he doesn't want a bar of it. It's exhausting. At least you know you're not alone

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Pearlygirl For This Useful Post:

    Daydreaming  (16-07-2015)


 

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