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  1. #21
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    Geez I'm so sorry. What a complete bast@rd You're not doing yourself any favours? Good lord can he be any more narcissistic? I highly suspect if the tables were turned and he could actually have kept it in his pants and it was you that cheated, he'd be having some choice words with the man that ruined his marriage.

    I think of my DH cheating on me and I feel physically sick. I can't imagine what you are going through ready to birth any time.

    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    BUT can you move back to your family? Or your support network? As in right NOW. Before your baby comes. You DH cannot stop you right now - he can stop you once the baby is born.
    I was going to say the same thing. I know moving home is not ideal, and you may void using the hospital you paid for. But if you move now he has no power over you. 6 months down the track with a baby you may be desperate for support and want to move home and he can stop you.

    Move now while you still can.

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  3. #22
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    Huge hugs. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this OP.

    I would recommend moving back to your family. I'm guessing by your posts you are having bub in a private hospital? Do you *need* to do that? ie medical needs? If not, I would scrap what you've paid so far, forget it. Move to your parents. Get in touch with their local public hospital. It'll be worth the loss in fees, to be able to have good, caring support people around you, not only for the birth, but for the coming months.

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  5. #23
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    If he has not been there for you through the pregnancy which is really the easy part I highly doubt that he will be there to support you and the baby.
    He may like the idea of living with the baby but in reality it is unlikely to suit his lifestyle.
    Plus the question must be asked why is what he wants more important than what is right for you. It sounds like he intends to keep seeing the other woman which will be terribly difficult for you deal with and should not have to in your own home.
    Is there anything keeping you where you are? The house as you mentioned is not a good place for you to be could you have the baby where you are and then take the baby to live with your family? They are in a much better position to give you the support you need.

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Huge hugs. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this OP.

    I would recommend moving back to your family. I'm guessing by your posts you are having bub in a private hospital? Do you *need* to do that? ie medical needs? If not, I would scrap what you've paid so far, forget it. Move to your parents. Get in touch with their local public hospital. It'll be worth the loss in fees, to be able to have good, caring support people around you, not only for the birth, but for the coming months.
    This.

    Please understand that the support fro. Your family will be worth 20× the amount you will lose from not birthing in that hospital.

    Never discount how much having someone that truly loves you in the birth suite with you and for those first few months especially that first 2 weeks.

    I think it would be beneficial to not be where he thinks you should be. He wants to call all the shots. Its time for you to do things the way you want too.

    If you do birth at the original hospital please inform the midwives that you want your privacy and his new gf is not be at the hospital and see your child. I just have the feeling that he would think it way of to bring her to see his new son.

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  9. #25
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    Default My life is over.

    I remember you saying in another thread that you are both defence which makes things very complicated (I know) and moving away near impossible. I would hazard a guess that him wanting to live separated but in the same house would be because he would not be entitled to housing and have to move back on to base.

    I agree with forgoing the private hospital delivery and birthing somewhere close to family, I also agree tenfold that you need a plan, you need advice about the impending birth, discuss a hospital transfer and your options with your ob. Make a plan, do some research and take care of yourself first and foremost, even if one day you think you can move past this its a future plan that you can revisit later. Do what you can to occupy yourself, watch crappy TV series back to back, get pedicures etc, just stay busy!!

    Of course no one can decide what you should do but now is the time you need support from those that care about you. X

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  11. #26
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    I'm just so sorry you are in this position . You deserve so much more.

    Are you living in a DHA house or do you rent or own? I think you need to kick him out, there is no way you can separate your emotions and get into a healthy headspace with him under the same roof. Can your Mum or someone close to you drive down and help you do this? Can they stay with you until the birth and help you find your feet?

    This man is beyond hope at this point in time. You need to let go, you can't raise your son in this environment and I know it hurts to realise this.

    I hope your family can help, this is not something you should be going through alone xxx

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Um...not doing yourself any favours? Wtf?

    That's when you reply with:

    Thank you for your feedback. On reflection I realise that you are right. My ultimate concern is definitely how the tramp who has broken up my marriage and my spineless philandering pathetic jerk of a husband regard my behaviour.

    Given your flagrant disregard for our marriage vows, I realise now that I have to be the one to 'do myself favours'. On that note - no effing way will you be living anywhere near me. And brace yourself, because I will be doing myself the favour of taking your ar$e to court and reaming. I hope the trollop doesn't have expensive tastes, because she'll be looking at a cubic zirconia ring and a wedding in the car park of Bunnings on sausage sizzle Saturday when I'm finished.

    You're right - this doing myself a favour thing is amazing!
    ^^ completely this.

    He needs to leave immediately, he has lost his right to live in the same house as you and the request is probably because, A. So he doesn't look like the piece of crap he is and B. Financial. Let's face it he is hardly supporting you at this time and he seems to have zero interest in your well being at this time so he needs to leave.

    You need to reach out for support, you have said you have no close friends and no family who can come, I was so sad to read that, I would call a work friend, if one of my work friends called in this situation I would be there in a heartbeat and there for the duration, have a think about who would be the best person and just call them, you can't be dealing with this alone.

    I would not have him in the delivery, you need to be nurturing YOURSELF and not be distracted by him, it will be your time to deliver your son on your terms in an environment that is calm and free of anything upsetting. He doesn't have your back.

    Think long hard and coldly about what is in your best interests going forward, you are going to be raising this baby mostly on your own so if it's in your best interests to be living near family, leave now.

    It's shocking and raw and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better, I am so sorry. There is still so much to process and hard times to get through, but hear this, you will. Your life isn't over and you will survive this and there are better things to come.

    Keep reaching out to the Hub all the girls will support you and you can get things off your chest.

    Lastly, I am so very sorry this has happened to you, what a terribly cruel thing he has done to you at your most vulnerable time. He is no man, no man at all.

    Wishing all the best things for you and your little boy xxxx

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  14. #28
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this....

    I just want to let you know that I changed hospital at 37 weeks as I moved house and it was absolutely fine. I went from public to public so there was no financial implications though. The new hospital was great at going through my records and ensuring the transition was smooth.

  15. #29
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    My god the nerve of him! what a jerk-off. kick the pig to the curb girl! In time you will see you don't need this dog in your life. If he hasn't been interested in you or the pregnancy I highly doubt he will begin to be interested. I've been thru this before. it damn hurts you insanely inside. go be with your family. take your mum with you when you have bubs.. this dropkick doesn't deserve anything. Once a cheat always a cheat. trust me they do not change.

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  17. #30
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    Please contact VVCS. They will help you find a counsellor or please contact DCO. They have both helped me through things when my hubby was deployed.. You don't have to do this alone.. Please call them and get support.


 

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