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  1. #1
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    Default My life is over.

    The man i love cheated on me. Im 38 weeks pregnant and i feel so dead inside. Today i have had a crazy emotional day between begging him to come home, to sending nasty messages to him and the woman. I just cannot fathom how he can say he doesnt love me and do this to me at this time.

    He was away for work for 6 months and they met over there and carried on the relationship once they got home. He came home and treated me like crap. Didnt tell me i looked beautiful, no affection, always on his phone, no interest in the baby. Now he is saying he wants to live under the same roof as his son, but us not be together. I dont know if i can handle that as i do still love him and i am in shock and disbelief. Its still so natural for me to want him.

    I have no idea what to do about the birth. I feel like he should be there as it might 'wake him up' but on the other hand why should i let him destroy another happy moment? Why have more memories tarnished by him? I have no idea how i am going to cope on my own with a newborn with no family close by.

    I feel like i am stuck in a hole. He doesnt want me back. I am weak and cannot stay away. I feel so pathetic. Im not excited for my son anymore and it kills me that i feel that way. I just am not coping. He disappears and just stops talking to me and doesnt WB to my messages which i will admit are all beating the same drum as he just keeps saying the same thing over and over.

    I just dont know what to do. I dont want any of this anymore.

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    I am so terribly sorry that you are going through this.

    Please surround yourself with family and good friends as much as you can.

    I promise you that you won't feel like this forever xx.

    I'm hoping @Pesca77 might be around.

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    Hang in there hun, you are so much better than him.
    Do you have friends nearby?

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    Sending big hugs. What a tough situation. Sounds to me it would be very hard for you to live in the same house without being together. I think you have to do what us best for you and the new baby and that means you cant handle having him at yhe birth then I think he needs to respect that. He made the choice to cheat on you so now he may just have to accept the consequences of those actions.

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    You're not the pathetic one. Anyone who does this to their heavily pregnant partner and mother or their child is a crappy excuse for a human being.

    Can you move to be closer to family for birth? Or better yet have someone come and stay with you? Your mum? Sister? Best friend?

    You need to put yourself first. I think you need someone in your corner (not the 'man' who has done this to you- but someone from your own circle). Also I would mention to OB/ midwives your situation.

    I'm really sorry this has happened to you.

    Oh and I absolutely would not have that man at the birth. Sounds like he hasn't thought of you at all why should he get to share in some thing so special? And worse still, it could upset you even more when you need to 100% focus on labour.

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  8. #6
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    Just no.

    He can't live under the same roof as his son. How long is that going to continue? Until your son is 1? 10? 18? And then what? What if you meet someone?

    I can tell you from experience, this type of limbo living will make it impossible for you to move on.

    There's obviously something in it for him with this arrangement - maybe financial, or face saving, or he's in denial about the impact of his actions.

    You are a very strong woman, and I get why you still love him. But he has treated you deplorably and you deserve better.

    You need to do what is best for you for the birth.

    I can tell you that even though I was in a different situation, it was very difficult for me to birth our son knowing full well that my husband didn't want him. I was worried about him, not me. I was searching *his* face for signs of love and joy instead of allowing myself to feel my own. I let *him* cut the cord because I hoped it would snap him out of everything and help him bond with his son. I asked him one day how he felt when he was in there and saw me going through so much pain, and his response was 'I'm glad it wasn't me'. Don't get me wrong, he helped through it all. But it changed my experience. If I could go back I would do it all alone. Just for what it's worth.

    Everything you're feeling is completely understandable. It's on him, not on you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    There's obviously something in it for him with this arrangement - maybe financial, or face saving, or he's in denial about the impact of his actions.
    That's it. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. You screw around on your baby's mother and you don't get to live with your child. And what's the bet you'd do all the childrearing and work and he'd swan in and out and be the 'fun dad' when it suits.

    I get that you still love him but he's not a nice person - maybe he once was but he's not now. Letting him get his way will give your son a distorted picture of how men are allowed to treat their partners, and even of how he's allowed to treat you as his mother. The love you have for your husband will fade and your love for your son will grow and grow.

    I was devastated for you when I first read what had happened and I think you've done well not to kick him in the balls. I can't imagine how hard this is and I implore you to put you and your needs and your baby way out in front of the wants of this selfish man. Xoxox

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    He has been so awful to me too. I dont know why i am even bothering, or why i cant get past it! I think its just im here on my own in our home and now its just a shell full of reminders.

    I dont think i can ever be friends and forgive him. Deep down i have hope that the baby will improve him but i feel like that cause is lost now. He hasnt been here for my whole pregnancy, i dont know why i would consider him to be helpful with the baby if he is going to live here and treat me like ****. I sent the woman a message today letting her know what she played a part in destroying and he messaged me saying that i wasnt doing myself any favours. Like i OWE them and should be wary of HER feelings!! Are you for real?

    I have no family close, i have friends but no one close, mostly work mates. No one who could just come and stay.

    I dont think its fair that he expects me to be stuck at home, trying to be friendly with him and playing wife while hes single and gets to be with his son..but on the other hand i feel like there could be a chance the bub will give us something positive in common again and we will be able to at least start a friendship again. At the moment everything is just so lost and we cant talk about anything.

    Its like we are total strangers. I dont know this man. What have i done bringing this child into the world?

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    He deleted all my family and friends off FB as well as me. Its like he is just wiping me from his life completely

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    He deleted all my family and friends off FB as well as me. Its like he is just wiping me from his life completely
    He sounds immature and cowardly and hardly in a position to advise you as to 'doing yourself a favour'.

    You may be able to have a friendship and be friendly coparents one day but after what he's done to you and your marriage I wouldn't expect that to happen anytime soon. You need to give yourself space from him. Xoxox

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