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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    That's fantastic you don't regret your children.
    But... I think the whole point of this honest, raw, vulnerable thread, is that all the priorities in the world don't necessarily prepare you for what life will be like or the impact children will have. It's all fine in theory but this issue isn't easily simplified into a discussion about prioritising, drive and ambition.
    I totally agree, but your perception is also affected by the stage you are in your life.

    I personally have no regrets because of when I had children, maybe I would have felt very differently if I had children earlier.

    My real point, being the product of teen parents, is that sometimes life just happens and you make the best of it and it doesn't mean you can't achieve your dreams if you do have children early.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    That's fantastic you don't regret your children.
    But... I think the whole point of this honest, raw, vulnerable thread, is that all the priorities in the world don't necessarily prepare you for what life will be like or the impact children will have. It's all fine in theory but this issue isn't easily simplified into a discussion about prioritising, drive and ambition.
    Here here!

    My DH and I travelled and lived overseas, we finished our degrees, we bought and sold properties, we partied, we had fun, we lived.

    Aaaaand then we did what everyone is born to believe.... You have to get married, and you have to have kids. It's what we did.

    We had a second baby to give DD a brother or a sister. We did it for her, not for us. But that's is done.

    Being a parent is hard work but we do it as we have to, we now have our kids, but I still dream of the foot loose and fancy free days that are now long gone and we won't get them back until our kids are 18+. That is a fact for us and I really struggle with that.

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Here here!

    My DH and I travelled and lived overseas, we finished our degrees, we bought and sold properties, we partied, we had fun, we lived.

    Aaaaand then we did what everyone is born to believe.... You have to get married, and you have to have kids. It's what we did.

    We had a second baby to give DD a brother or a sister. We did it for her, not for us. But that's is done.

    Being a parent is hard work but we do it as we have to, we now have our kids, but I still dream of the foot loose and fancy free days that are now long gone and we won't get them back until our kids are 18+. That is a fact for us and I really struggle with that.
    Believe me, I really understand that, all I can say is that is does get easier as they get older and you feel like you get your life back bit by bit. I definitely felt very lost and overwhelmed when my children were babies and toddlers.

    ETA - I bf both of my children until they were 3 years old and it wasn't until they were weaned that I felt free and like I was getting my life/body back.

    I really do understand the nostalgic loss of youth/freedom, I struggle with that as well as do most parents.

    The fact is, life is full of choices, and ultimately for the most part , the loss of youthful freedom will be easier to take than regret about living a life not having children.
    Last edited by DailyDiversion; 14-07-2015 at 22:30.

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    Hard to explain this. I'll try.

    If When i was wanting a baby, before i had any... Someone showed me my life now in a crystal ball. I would not have children

    If today i was offered the chance to go back in time and change my life's outcome, by not falling pregnant, i would still fall pregnant, because i couldn't continue to live having known what i chose to lose.

    Does this make any sense?
    I think this is really thoughtfully expressed and well put, thank you. I guess it's like the difference between knowing how something *looks*, and how it *feels*, if that makes any sense.

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    Hard to explain this. I'll try.

    If When i was wanting a baby, before i had any... Someone showed me my life now in a crystal ball. I would not have children

    If today i was offered the chance to go back in time and change my life's outcome, by not falling pregnant, i would still fall pregnant, because i couldn't continue to live having known what i chose to lose.

    Does this make any sense?
    This is exactly how I feel. I couldn't go back in time and then live my life without my son because I love him so much now. BUT as you said, back when I was single and wanting to get married and have children, if someone had shown me what life with children would be like (sort of a la Christmas carol or something I don't know) I might have had a few more martinis, and run off with the sailor instead. Ah well, too late now. I certainly will think twice about having another though... Everyday when I give him his bath I say 'one day closer to you going off to school'. He's 1. It's going to be a long few years. Having another will be like going backwards.

    But I love him!

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by DailyDiversion View Post
    I totally agree, but your perception is also affected by the stage you are in your life.

    I personally have no regrets because of when I had children, maybe I would have felt very differently if I had children earlier.

    My real point, being the product of teen parents, is that sometimes life just happens and you make the best of it and it doesn't mean you can't achieve your dreams if you do have children early.
    I dont think you got the point of this thread at all to be honest

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    I'm sorry. I don't think you've gotten the point at all.

    Maybe they never would have regretted living a life not having children. They may have been completely happy and fulfilled living their life as they were without children. Not everyone wants children. Some people do actually not enjoy being a parent and do regret that they've had a child - whether it was a choice or an accident.

    Please take your "children makes your life fulfilled" sentiment elsewhere. It does not apply to everyone and it is the complete opposite of what this thread about.
    Thank you.
    Last edited by Full House; 14-07-2015 at 22:50.

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  14. #28
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    DH & I were just discussing this tonight, our lives & how it's changed since DD & how it will change again with impending second bub.

    I think we didn't realise the all encompassing change to our lives & while we see our DD as the best thing that's happened to us, there's also a sense of loss of our old lives.

    I'm not sure if it's regret, but I think for me there's a sense of confusion about my own personal identity, & having to re-define who I am. I love being a mum, but sort of feel like I've fallen short on keeping up with who I am as an individual

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  16. #29
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    I have no nostalgic loss of youthful freedom, i just long for a future where I'm not frustrated, heartbroken, stressed, exhausted, pushed to my absolute limits, worried, anxious and devastated all rolled into one.

    Are there happy times? Yes. 5 minutes. Sometimes thats 5 minutes a day, sometimes thats 5 minutes in the whole week.

    Maybe i am selfish?, maybe my priorities of self preservation aren't in the right place.

    But ffs i dont ever want to hear "oh i get it, but it gets easier" because no, no one knows what the future holds for my children or my life. 11 years into this parenting gig, and there's not been an easy day yet. And i think I'm entitled to not feel "blessed" at all times. Please, at least... Give me that!

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    I don't regret my kids... But...
    I regret who I had them with and that we didn't take our time ( pregnant after only 3 months of meeting one another!). I wish I had them with my current dp ( we do have a son together) as he is a billion times better as a ( step)father than my kids bio dad who wants nothing to do with them. Looking back I should of waited til I was a bit older too and maybe finished my diploma but ah well., we have a great life now so I can't really complain. I will travel ( hopefully with my children) at some stage.


 

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