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  1. #91
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    Default Spin Off..... If I had my time over I wouldn't have had children

    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I've also lost myself. But I feel there also wasn't much of a me before hand. I still hardly have any interests. Property development and interior styling is my passion but hardly things I get to do whenever I need a break from being a mum!

    I was also good at my job. I went to work and knew what I was doing. Yeah there were challenges but I had the skills to deal with them and learn new things. Being a mum.... I always heard 'babies don't come with a manual' and 'you'll just know what to do'

    Well I have never just known what to do. I still don't know what to do. Eg DS is currently whinging. I don't know why! I try everything but still whinging. I can't get him to take a bottle, I can't help him eat better, I'm soooooo sick of the whinging! I'm sick of feeling like I'm neglecting DD while I fuss over him so much. She also starts getting anxious when I can't get him to stop whinging or crying. I can tell she doesn't enjoy her time at home, I don't stimulate her enough, she gets bored but I'm too lazy to do things that will keep her busy. I'd rather be on bub hub.

    My favourite time of day is when they're both asleep (or at least in bed) in the afternoon then asleep for the night so I don't have to deal with them. I don't find any if this fun and because of that they both suffer. No one in this house is happy and I can't help but feel it's all my fault!
    I just wanted to give you a hug, I can relate so much to your post, it's like they are my words. I love my kids just like you do, but I'm no good at this parenting job, I've lost myself, have no hobbies and can't muster the strength to even find something I'm interested in. I'm on a merry go round that revolves around kids, my husband and my house and a part time job I hate. My kids are 8 and 5 and I'm permanently at a loss as to what to do.

    Hang in there, we can muddle our way through this.
    Last edited by ICanDream; 16-07-2015 at 09:52.

  2. #92
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    I've not been very active on BH of late. But I've now been back and checking regularly on this thread. It's been so incredibly healing to know its not just me and I'm not the only one struggling with this role. My DS was planned and very much wanted and when all these feelings of frustration and anger started bubbling to the surface, I felt like I was an awful person. I feel so much better to know that these feelings are not unique to my situation.

    Thank you OP For this thread. Many hugs to you and to all the ladies who've been so brave as to contribute to this thread.

    I really hope that others and maybe future mummies can read along and know they aren't alone. Mods, maybe we could sticky this thread for that reason?

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  4. #93
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    Default Spin Off..... If I had my time over I wouldn't have had children

    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    I just wanted to give you a hug, I can relate so much to your post, it's like they are my words. I love my kids just like you do, but I'm no good at this parenting job, I've lost myself, have no hobbies and can't muster the strength to even find something I'm interested in. I'm on a merry go round that revolves around kids, my husband and my house and a part time job I hate. My kids are 8 and 5 and I'm permanently at a loss as to what to do.

    Hang in there, we can muddle our way through this.
    I guess we have no choice do we?? Haha. I also hate my part time job but I would still rather be working part time than be at home full time.

    I also can't find the motivation to find a hobby. I'm uncoordinated so sport is out of the question plus I'm so unfit, I hate running and the gym etc.

    I'd love to get into sewing but it's too hard to lock myself away from the kids on weekends as I'm always needed elsewhere. I'm probably making excuses but motivating myself isn't my strong point!

    I truly think there should be a personality and lifestyle quiz everyone should take before TTC. If you appreciate your freedom, don't like routine or are selfish or impatient or all of the above - like me, parenting probably isn't a wise 'career choice'.

    I do envy my DH he works full time and has all of Sunday mornings to himself playing golf. If only I could work full time and have half a day off every weekend to do something I love this all might be a bit easier!?

    I mean DH has always encouraged me to do my own thing, find a hobby etc but it's easier said than done when I've never had one. He always had golf and soccer since he was in high school. I had nothing!
    Last edited by A-Squared; 16-07-2015 at 10:06.

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  6. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by HearMeRoar View Post
    I am not the mother I thought I would be. I am impatient, selfish, lazy and so undomesticated. I hate the mother I am. Yep, my children are so very much loved, I couldn't love them more if I tried. They have a warm bed, full tummies and a mummy to cuddle but IMO, they're neglected. By me.

    I wanted to be a mummy from a very young age and even now I still yearn for a fourth child. But if I had my time again, knowing what I do now, I wouldn't subject children to me.
    This really resonated with me, I often feel like this! Hugs!

  7. #95
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    I wouldn't change having dd but I would wait until I was older and had more life experience and time to figure out who I was and be young and free. And if I could also have the exact same child I would change the fob. I'd choose someone who lovely and trusting. A great dad and partner in life.

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  9. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Being a parent is hard work but we do it as we have to, we now have our kids, but I still dream of the foot loose and fancy free days that are now long gone and we won't get them back until our kids are 18+. That is a fact for us and I really struggle with that.
    This is me too! With SS (14yo) we were so close to being totally free...and then I got pregnant. I love DS with all of my heart, and I don't regret having him, it's just unfortunate that when we wanted to have children (back when we were in our mid-30s) it didn't happen. Then when we were at a point where we'd decided we were happy without having a child/children together, purely by chance, that's when I got pregnant. It also happened to be when I'd given up my well-paid job with awesome maternity leave entitlements to do contract work instead so that I could further my career. So the timing was far from perfect...and I struggled through those first few months of pregnancy constantly thinking about everything we'd have to give up.

    Having a baby in your 40s is hard. I don't care what people say, even though I was relatively fit before pregnancy, I just don't have the energy now that I did when I was younger. DH wants another. If I was in my mid-30s I'd probably just go for it, but I'm 41 now. Even if I fell pregnant straight away I'd be 42 when the baby came. I feel exhausted just thinking about it!

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  11. #97
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    I agree with all that has been said, the boredom, the whinging, and what I struggle most with, the lack of patience for playing games
    The only parts I disagree with are the things some posters are saying about themselves.
    You're not a bad parent for thinking/feeling this way.
    All our children are loved, I'm sure they feel loved, too.
    That's a good parent.

    Remember too, that our roles as mothers these days are a lot more full on than our mothers had them.
    Our kids are under our watch 24/7.
    Back when I was a kid we were out at the crack of dawn and only indoors for a quick feed before running back out to be with our friends until bedtime.
    On rainy days we went in to the shed to play or played in our rooms or had some tv.
    There was no arranged play dates like now where we have to chaperone and be plugged in and engaged the whole time.
    No, kids roamed free and it's in these hours that our mother's got things done!
    Housework, laundry, preparing meals, AND some much valued alone time.
    Jees I'd have all that done in an hour if I wasn't being needed for something else here, or breaking up a fight there, or dealing with the screamer AGAIN for the third time in twenty minutes. As it stands now, some days I get none of that done and most days it's done in that last hour of the day before dinner is served.

    We need to cut ourselves a break and realise it's a different world now, it's a tougher gig. It's not a career, nowhere near. We don't get pay cheques,
    and we don't get weekends off and sometimes we don't even get any down time. Which is where I'm at now. When baby is asleep at 8 I'm off too.
    So for me it's not even a matter of doing something I like when they're in bed.
    It's a bit annoying but it will come good in a year or so, I hope.

    Go easy on yourselves


    Btw, how good would this thread be to show teenagers who are thinking of having s€x.
    The hard core truth and reality of having children.
    Birth control sorted!

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  13. #98
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    If I had my time over, I would still have my kids, but I would have timed it differently.
    Currently pregnant with a third surprise baby, the pregnancy has been a horrid mess from day one and I'm anxious about the new addition.. But i know that I won't regret this bub when it's here. I may have regretted not having a third at some stage down the line. DH always wanted a third.


  14. #99
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    @Phony, so funny you should mention teenagers and unprotected sx. We use DS (10 months) as an example of "what could happen" for SS (14 yo) all the time! 😜

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  16. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    Btw, how good would this thread be to show teenagers who are thinking of having s€x.
    The hard core truth and reality of having children.
    Birth control sorted!
    It's funny that you should mention about a baby or this thread being good contraception. I did work experience in my local hospital when I was in high school. I just happened to be in the maternity ward when a woman came in in labour. I was given permission from the parents to be in the room with them. A first time mum with no drugs and had to be cut. Yep awesome contraception!!!!



    Sent from my GT-I9507 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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