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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    That's nice.

    (and unhelpful).
    Personally I think there's more to life than being flatmates with your 'true love' for the rest of your entire long life.



    OP just a word of warning. Many people plan a 'friendly separation'; but it often just doesn't happen. So just don't get your hopes up too high.
    My X walked out on us, but for the first week he was very supportive. Then he just turned, was very very very nasty for a few months. He is now back to his 'normal' self, which is- amicable, as long as he's getting his own way. The problem is, when it comes to kids, there are high emotions involved from both parties, so there is bound to be a bit of bickering, especially when making decisions re. the kids. Dividing money and assets that people have worked for their whole lives can also get emotional, but at least once that's over, it's over. The kids thing is long-lasting though.

    So although a 'friendly separation' (I think the term 'amicable separation' is slightly more realistic) is possible, just be aware that it doesn't always happen the way you plan.
    I know of two couples with very friendly separations. No lawyers involved and they communicate well.

    Personally, my ex hates me and won't even talk to me about the kids. Everything is done via email or text message. And I wasn't the one having the affair with my friend's partner.....

    Hopefully, you can work it out

  2. #12
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    I had it in my head that I would never leave my XH, ever. And I told him so, heaps of times. I loved him. I said the only way we would split would be if he left me. I worked hard on my relationship, holding onto a very thin thread for the last few years. But there's only so much you can take. First it was sexting, then it was an empty condom box under his ute seat, then it was more sexting after he'd apologised for the other lots of sexting...then it was lies and never being home, and then he started 'gas lighting', and then he tells me I'm boring and he's sick of this boring mundane lifestyle. This was all (besides the condoms and sexting) after he met a married mother of 3, who takes my position as his best friend and he's calling her 6 times a day and texting her 100 times a day and says to me she's just a friend. And says she doesn't **** him off like I do. I hung in there. Until one day I saw that my future was going to be 10 times worse than it already was. Yep, I kicked him out. I spent 2.5 weeks grieving. Then one day I went, yep, I'm happy for the first time in forever.

    Now you would think he'd be happy with that? Well, he didn't want me back, but he still wanted control. And that's why it's not amicable today. He won't let it be. Things from wanting to know 'what centrelink pays me' to 'have I had sex with someone since we split?', trying to grab me on the boob, telling me he's so horny, or trying to manipulate the sale of the house to accusing me of manipulating the kids into NOT wanting to do things.

    I seriously thought that I gave him what he wanted IN the relationship and OUT of the relationship. Nobody knows what others are truly thinking. No one knows what can set someone off. Sometimes all it takes is for you to stand up for yourself and suddenly they've lost control of you and things turn ugly.

    Once the house is sold, and we have moved our separate ways I hope it all settles down and we can parent our children amicably. But I'm not holding my breath.

    Good luck

  3. #13
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    I agree with those that said get things (protest settlement/ custody arrangements) sorted while things are currently amicable. Who knows what it'll be like in the future.

    Things were really amicable between my ex and I.
    Then we had a disagreement where he wanted to get back together and I didn't. Things have been a disaster since.


 

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