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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    Yes, I do think before typing. All I said initially was that I don't think people regret the children they have. This is a comment often made by many people on forums and is widely accepted. No need to jump down my throat because my opinion is different to yours. As already clarified - my question on mental capacity was to see if PND or some other situation was causing the feeling. Nothing wrong with that - lots of women get PND and its nothing to be ashamed of. If people take offence to that, it tells more about your own feelings about mental illness than mine.

    Clearly you travel in different circles to me, knowing so many people who regret their children. It is definitely not something I have encountered among the hundreds of mothers I know. I am voicing MY opinion based on MY experience. Back off.
    Voicing your opinion is fine, but wording is everything.
    For example I have no problem with the way someone else worded is- (paraphrasing) "I can't imagine anyone regretting their children"
    Whereas what you said- "I don't think you ever regret the children you have"

    The first is purely a person's opinion. What you said (the 'you ever' part) was putting it on others and not just you.

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  3. #42
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    Completely see how people could regret having children, especially when it's still very much an expectation/something that people may well do because, well, that's what you do.

    I'd imagine tat far fewer same sex couples/couples with fertility issues regret having children, as it'ssomething they have to work hard for. In those cases you have to really think about whether it's worth your while. People still make errors of judgement though.

    Really....to question people's mental health because they wish their life had taken a different path?

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  5. #43
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    It was more a judgment than an opinion.

    You clearly said that it wasn't normal to think that way. Calling someone abnormal or unhealthy based on their opinions or feelings is pretty strong and can make someone feel really poor about themselves.

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  7. #44
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    And TBH I'm not surprised some posters haven't met anyone in their circles who regret having kids.

    No one in their right mind who admit so to them for the fear of being labelled mentally ill/abnormal/having issues etc

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  9. #45
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    I know someone who regrets at least one of their children - my mother - and she has made sure that I know it and to make my life as hellish as she can since I was born. That said, she is a poster child malignant narcissist.
    Last edited by Catkin; 14-07-2015 at 21:56.

  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Voicing your opinion is fine, but wording is everything.
    For example I have no problem with the way someone else worded is- (paraphrasing) "I can't imagine anyone regretting their children"
    Whereas what you said- "I don't think you ever regret the children you have"

    The first is purely a person's opinion. What you said (the 'you ever' part) was putting it on others and not just you.
    In Mumsical's defence, the phrase "you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't" is widely used when talking about whether or not to have another child on this forum (and I'd imagine on others as well). It's kind of one of those common sayings like "this too shall pass". I don't think she was being judgmental or anything like that.

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  12. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Gosh people are so judgemental, no wonder mothers aren't more open to talking about the negatives.
    Exactly. I just read some of the comments in this thread and think, what if someone was reading this who did feel regret, and felt like they needed to tell someone and talk it out...after this thread they'd be too scared to, and would probably end up feeling worse about themselves. It's a taboo subject that shouldn't be taboo.
    I have nothing but respect for the women in my life who are brave enough to come out and say 'this is not the life I would have chosen for myself.'

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  14. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    In Mumsical's defence, the phrase "you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't" is widely used when talking about whether or not to have another child on this forum (and I'd imagine on others as well). It's kind of one of those common sayings like "this too shall pass". I don't think she was being judgmental or anything like that.
    Ultimately I agree with you, and I'm just quoting you for the saying...not talking to you directly, but....
    I think this saying needs to stop being sprouted everywhere because it's neither true or positive and can be very upsetting for someone who does regret that child...it has the potential to very much be a 'well what's wrong with me then?' kind of saying and can do a lot more harm than good.

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  16. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    In Mumsical's defence, the phrase "you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't" is widely used when talking about whether or not to have another child on this forum (and I'd imagine on others as well). It's kind of one of those common sayings like "this too shall pass". I don't think she was being judgmental or anything like that.
    Yes, I mentioned in my reply to Mumsical that I knew what she was trying to say.
    However she then went on to say that it is not normal. That is a judgement.

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  18. #50
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    I have had this weighing on my mind quite a lot, and I haven't fully decided yet. But honestly, I am thinking more and more, my third "baby" will be my career, my relationship with my partner, my relationship with my two boys, my friendships, my health, hobbies, travel, and MYSELF. I feel that having a third child will be a sacrifice of all of the above. Yes, a third child would be lovely. But at the cost of all of those things? I just couldn't bear that, I couldn't do that to my boys or my DP, let alone myself.

    It's such a hard choice.

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