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  1. #31
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    I know exactly what DT75 is talking about with regards to her mum. Regret is a harsh word that conjours up terrible images, but I can think of 6 parents off the top of my head that have three kids but wish they only had two. It doesn't mean they love that child any less, or treat them any differently, and it doesn't mean they have a mental illness. It simply means that they ended up beyond their limits of the amount of children they 'should' have raised and are able to recognise that about themselves.
    I do wonder with these threads if people forget that parenting is still hard beyond the baby years. All that is ever discussed is getting through the first few weeks/months.
    Last edited by Full House; 13-07-2015 at 20:03.

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  3. #32
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    Oh and if I was like DT75's mum and ended up pregnant when my other children were older I would be miserable. It's basically my worst nightmare and my biggest fear. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love the child, but I would regret falling pregnant in the first place.

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  5. #33
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    Exactly @Partyofthree it's still regret, just not the ridiculously harsh mental images some people are thinking of. Still regret.

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  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    She regrets having her youngest two kids? Wishes she never had them? Why? It doesn't sound like a normal reaction from a healthy person... Was she mentally ill?
    Because people reacts differently from you doesn't mean they are mentally ill!!
    Do you think before typing?!

    I can see how someone can regret having an extra child. Doesn't mean they regret the child existence in itself

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Because people reacts differently from you doesn't mean they are mentally ill!!
    Do you think before typing?!

    I can see how someone can regret having an extra child. Doesn't mean they regret the child existence in itself
    Yes, I do think before typing. All I said initially was that I don't think people regret the children they have. This is a comment often made by many people on forums and is widely accepted. No need to jump down my throat because my opinion is different to yours. As already clarified - my question on mental capacity was to see if PND or some other situation was causing the feeling. Nothing wrong with that - lots of women get PND and its nothing to be ashamed of. If people take offence to that, it tells more about your own feelings about mental illness than mine.

    Clearly you travel in different circles to me, knowing so many people who regret their children. It is definitely not something I have encountered among the hundreds of mothers I know. I am voicing MY opinion based on MY experience. Back off.

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  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    Yes, I do think before typing. All I said initially was that I don't think people regret the children they have. This is a comment often made by many people on forums and is widely accepted. No need to jump down my throat because my opinion is different to yours. As already clarified - my question on mental capacity was to see if PND or some other situation was causing the feeling. Nothing wrong with that - lots of women get PND and its nothing to be ashamed of. If people take offence to that, it tells more about your own feelings about mental illness than mine.

    Clearly you travel in different circles to me, knowing so many people who regret their children. It is definitely not something I have encountered among the hundreds of mothers I know. I am voicing MY opinion based on MY experience. Back off.
    Maybe people feel uncomfortable expressing it. Given people's reactions it's easy to see why. And please don't think I'm singling you out - I think most people would be taken aback if you said that to them.

    I think I would regret having a third child. It's definitely something I would seriously struggle with. I have two. And I also get jealous when I see people pregnant or with little newborns or even babies younger than DS.

    Financially we are done at two. I think we could provide them with a reasonably nice lifestyle eventually. I also feel a bit stretched as it is with two (daycare, swimming fees, reduced earning due to part time hours etc) so I imagine 3 would push me over. Mentally, I am set at two. I think I can happily juggle meeting both of their needs. A third I would feel frazzled. I can now start focusing on my career a bit more, once I go back, no more babies, no more mat leave.

    So while I do feel a bit sad when I see pregnant people I think it's more that I'm a bit sad that that exciting chapter of my life is finished. Really I just need to focus on the exciting things ahead. Like them leaving home (just kidding).

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  13. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    Yes, I do think before typing. All I said initially was that I don't think people regret the children they have. This is a comment often made by many people on forums and is widely accepted. No need to jump down my throat because my opinion is different to yours. As already clarified - my question on mental capacity was to see if PND or some other situation was causing the feeling. Nothing wrong with that - lots of women get PND and its nothing to be ashamed of. If people take offence to that, it tells more about your own feelings about mental illness than mine.

    Clearly you travel in different circles to me, knowing so many people who regret their children. It is definitely not something I have encountered among the hundreds of mothers I know. I am voicing MY opinion based on MY experience. Back off.
    I don't know anyone who regrets having their children either. The thought a mother could feel that way really saddens me. Very obviously some issues there.

  14. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    I don't know anyone who regrets having their children either. The thought a mother could feel that way really saddens me. Very obviously some issues there.
    Issues? Did you just read anything anyone else said? Perhaps no one you know has said anything because they're too worried you'll judge them?
    One of my aunty's friends told her recently that if she had her time again she'd never have children. And coming from the era where women just had kids as an expectation I'm going to guess she's not alone in her feelings either.
    A woman doesn't have to have 'issues' to feel like that.

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  16. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    I don't know anyone who regrets having their children either. The thought a mother could feel that way really saddens me. Very obviously some issues there.
    Just because someone hasn't bared their soul to you and admitted to something they may struggle to admit to themselves, doesn't mean you've never met someone who has regretted having subsequent children.

    I know if I was to have another baby I would regret it. It is my responsibility as a mum to my DS to be the best mum I can be. For me, that means not having more children. Fwiw, my father has admitted on more than on occasion 'I love you and your brother but in hindsight I shouldn't have had children'.

  17. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    I don't know anyone who regrets having their children either. The thought a mother could feel that way really saddens me. Very obviously some issues there.
    My mother has no issues, thank you.
    She knew what her limits are, and life didn't work out to accommodate them.
    She regrets having more children than she wanted.
    She loves them regardless and treats them the same as the others.

    Gosh people are so judgemental, no wonder mothers aren't more open to talking about the negatives.

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