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  1. #11
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    I never wanted kids, but H talked me around.
    We discussed how many we would have, he was all for high numbers but we settled on 4 max.
    We are expecting our first, and H has now said we should stop at 2, because "we already have two".
    That was my argument for not having a big family- we have DSS and DSD already. Now, after convincing me 4 would be lovely, he wants 2.
    I don't believe I will feel 'done' after 2, unless possibly they are difficult births/babies.

    My mum felt done after 1, 2, 3, and 4... she had 5. None planned.
    5 is her absolute limit though, she has had a hard time. Youngest is nearly 8 and mum "has her life back" so to speak.


    It depends on the kids and your family I guess. If you don't feel done, you're not. But if your DH feels done... well a long chat is needed.

  2. #12
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    I've just had my second 5 months ago and know that I'm done, yes my ovaries do twinge at the thought of having a third but I know we won't and I'm ok with that. Our little family of 4 is working great. I can go back to work part time, finish my studies, we don't need a bigger car or house and are planning 2 holidays. Two works great for us and I'm content :-)

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  4. #13
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    I don't know anyone who had a 3rd and regrets it. I don't think you ever regret the children you have. I thought I would be done after 2, my youngest is 13 months and I am 9 weeks with my 3rd. I never pictured myself having 3, but here I am! I'm not worried - I cope fine with my 2 gorgeous boys and I've never even had one day where it's all got "too hard". My mental health is not something that has ever come under question either. Bring it on

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    I've been debating this in my head since DS was born almost a year ago. I am currently leaning towards stopping. I have 2 awesome kids and I love them fiercely, I do feel like we have a complete and perfect family unit now. If we didn't have a frozen embryo I think we would have made the decision to stop by now, but having that embryo makes it tricky - it's sitting there tempting us and I feel like it deserves a chance. We'll see!
    This thread made me think of you xx

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  8. #15
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    I have 2 of my own my youngest is 21 months, I also have a dss that we have every weekend and I don't have the room for anymore kids but there is part of me that yearns for one even though I am definitely mentally done and full up. So for me no I don't have the done feeling even though I know we are.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    I don't know anyone who had a 3rd and regrets it. I don't think you ever regret the children you have. I thought I would be done after 2, my youngest is 13 months and I am 9 weeks with my 3rd. I never pictured myself having 3, but here I am! I'm not worried - I cope fine with my 2 gorgeous boys and I've never even had one day where it's all got "too hard". My mental health is not something that has ever come under question either. Bring it on
    My mum had 5, and regrets 2 of them. It would kill her to read "I don't think you ever regret the children you have".
    Now, I know what you meant- it's better to have and know, than to not and wonder. But still... just letting you know that people do regret the kids they have sometimes.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My mum had 5, and regrets 2 of them. It would kill her to read "I don't think you ever regret the children you have".
    Now, I know what you meant- it's better to have and know, than to not and wonder. But still... just letting you know that people do regret the kids they have sometimes.
    Woah. Do the 2 she's talking about know that she regrets having them?

    OP, I have a surprise third and he's our sunshine. It has been hard but he completes our family and couldn't imagine life without him in it

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My mum had 5, and regrets 2 of them. It would kill her to read "I don't think you ever regret the children you have".
    Now, I know what you meant- it's better to have and know, than to not and wonder. But still... just letting you know that people do regret the kids they have sometimes.
    She regrets having her youngest two kids? Wishes she never had them? Why? It doesn't sound like a normal reaction from a healthy person... Was she mentally ill?

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  13. #19
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    Just on the other side of things, I have 4 daughters. I look at families of 2 and think 'oh that looks nice and easy, holidays would be cheaper and easier to cart 2 around' I then look at my tribe and wouldn't change it for anything. I love loud, busy, crazy, and constantly filled with love!
    I was speaking with DH Aunty the other night who said she's so lonely now that her 2 are grown up, moved away and don't have any grandchildren. I don't want to ever have that feeling, am hoping I never will especially with having 4 (hopefully 5 in the near future).
    I do think that you know when you are done! Ive never felt that I am done so speak to lots of smaller families who say 'they just knew that was enough for them.' Perhaps give it some more time and you'll know if you truly want another or not.

  14. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by yadot View Post
    Woah. Do the 2 she's talking about know that she regrets having them?

    OP, I have a surprise third and he's our sunshine. It has been hard but he completes our family and couldn't imagine life without him in it
    No they don't. Mum had the first 3 by the time she was 26, and the next 2 just made her realise how long she was going to be 'stuck' in the baby/child stage.
    Now that the youngest is at school, she feels much better about it, and she coped really well. But she wasn't going to lie and pretend everything was rosy either. She would have preferred not to have more after the third. She doesn't hate them or treat them differently, but she regrets it nonetheless.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mumsical View Post
    She regrets having her youngest two kids? Wishes she never had them? Why? It doesn't sound like a normal reaction from a healthy person... Was she mentally ill?
    No she was not mentally ill! What a horrid thing to say.
    She regrets having them, yes, that's not the same as wishing they had never been.

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