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  1. #1
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    Default 8yo quite negative & whingy

    My 8yo DS is quite negative and always whinging. He often doesn't have anything positive to say about his day even if we've had a great day they best he can say is it's ok then find something negative to say. It makes life hard work with him but I'm more concerned for him, I don't think it's healthy to think like that at such a young age - but I never grew up with a brother so don't know if it's a boy thing.

    Would it concern you or just an age thing?
    Last edited by ICanDream; 10-07-2015 at 16:26.

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    I have an almost 8yo DS as well. He goes through phases like this where nothing is ever good enough and it feels like he appreciates nothing. Then it's like a switch flips and he's sooooo thankful for the smallest things. I find when we do lots of exciting stuff he can become negative but I think he gets overwhelmed with everything happening (eg being on a holiday).

    My strategy is just to remind him how lucky we are to be doing these things when lots of kids don't get to. Sometimes that's enough to snap him out of it.

    I wish I had more suggestions for you!

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    ICanDream  (10-07-2015)

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    Thanks - seems to be a bit of a never ending cycle at the moment - can't seem to snap him out of it. We tried doing 3 positive things of the day before he went to be and he seriously struggled. He's not making many friends at school and I know this is really bothering him - I tried to set up some "hang outs" (not allowed to call them play dates) and the parents blew us off.

    I don't know how to help him make friends, reduce the negativity and whinging or just let it pass.

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    I'm going to quickly weigh in @ say that I believe the catalyst for the negativity/whinging etc from what you've posted is most likely the lack of friends issue...or more specifically...perhaps a low self esteem/self worth issue he may have because of it???

    I feel for you and him too Luv. It must be lonely for him @ perhaps he's projecting all the negative feelings he feels inside outward to you in the behaviour he's exhibiting??

    I personally would be concerned if it continues for much longer or worsens etc. If it did I'd be looking into getting a professional opinion or counselling etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeinBrisvegas View Post
    I'm going to quickly weigh in @ say that I believe the catalyst for the negativity/whinging etc from what you've posted is most likely the lack of friends issue...or more specifically...perhaps a low self esteem/self worth issue he may have because of it???

    I feel for you and him too Luv. It must be lonely for him @ perhaps he's projecting all the negative feelings he feels inside outward to you in the behaviour he's exhibiting??

    I personally would be concerned if it continues for much longer or worsens etc. If it did I'd be looking into getting a professional opinion or counselling etc.
    Yes I think this is part of the issue and I have already spoken to our GP about getting him some counselling. I feel so bad, I tried to set up a hang out with this kid from school, he's a nice kid but always in trouble and my DS seems drawn to him so I thought I'd maybe try and turn it into a more positive friendship for them both. The Mum agreed to a date, cancelled the night before then never responded to my text to organise another. My DS said tonight that's what happens when you have no friends.

    Is having no friends a social issue that I should talk to the school about? They have multi-age grouping (composite classes) and whilst academically DS is fine I think socially it's really hurting him.

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    Oh..I'm so sad for him Luv😦 He's prob drawn to that other boy even though he's always in trouble because he's looking for some kind of acceptance from someone😦

    I don't think it can hurt to talk to the school. They would've seen this happen with other students @ may have some ideas for you.

    Would your son be interested in playing some kind of sport or doing some kind of singing/drama class or some other type of activity that he's interested in that's outside of school??

    It would give him an opportunity to make different friends @ be part of a team etc which might help him feel better within himself.

    I'm glad you've been to the GP to get things started for counselling Luv. I know I would feel devo if it was DD. As a Mum it must be heartbreaking for you Luv😦

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    He does martial arts but it's with most of the kids from his school and it hasn't resulted in any friendships. We're looking at getting him into a more team orientated sport to see if that helps.

    He's a nice kid - I know he can be a bit full on and a bit bossy but not enough to be that kid with no friends, breaks my heart as I struggled at school with friends and never wanted my kids to go through it and yet here he is.

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    Poor little guy . Have you had any opportunity to speak to his class teacher at all? If not, I'd definitely start by talking to them and seeing what insight they can offer and if necessary go from there.
    My DD is nine and just started seeing a child psych for her anxiety and while, it's not a magic fix - it's definitely helping.

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    I understand what you mean Luv. I struggled with self esteem issues etc @ making friends in primary school/early high school and feel the same as you do in regards to my own child😦

    The team orientated sport is a great idea😊 Just have to find which one peaks his interest😊

    One of my cousins works for EQ @ is a primary school teacher. I'm hoping she'll be able to make a family get together on Sun. If she's there I'll ask her for some tips as well. She's older than me @ has been teaching for over 20 yrs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Poor little guy . Have you had any opportunity to speak to his class teacher at all? If not, I'd definitely start by talking to them and seeing what insight they can offer and if necessary go from there.
    My DD is nine and just started seeing a child psych for her anxiety and while, it's not a magic fix - it's definitely helping.
    I did speak to his teacher but honestly, she's lovely but so out of her depth. She's struggling with the class in general (I swear he's got the worse 3/4 class in the school in terms of bad behaviour) and she really didn't seem to have any ideas. I will go back and try again with her and then float the idea of taking it further if she feels it will help. The school has acknowledged that for some reason this year they are having issues with child behaviour in general. She did say that he seems to be seeking acceptance from kids to be able to play but that's about all she had to offer.

    Did you do the GP mental plan to access the 5 medicare sessions? I've spoken to DS about it and he's not freaked out although he doesn't really want anyone knowing which I understand. I think he is anxious, he's never been a great sleeper, sleeps on the edge of the bed to keep an eye on whats under the bed, lights on everywhere he goes. I think it would be beneficial for him too.

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