The problematic MIL threads seem to be a very common theme on parenting forums on both sides of the equator.
I have a wonderful mother in law, can't fault her at all, and I will learn from her how to respect boundaries and manage expectations of my own children and their respective partners when they are older.
Basically it's ok to have them expectations, hopes and your way of doing things but keeping your mouth shut works best for all.
Anyway, for a long time and after reading a lot of threads over the years, I can't help think, surely some of these MILs were hopeful like me at one point?
Wouldn't they have envisioned the son's future wife and saw nothing but harmony, not friction?
What changes? Is it hormonal? The change?
I'm honestly afraid of becoming one of these creatures.
Or do you think it's a mindset from the start? That you own your children and they owe you their devotion in old age verses the mindset that you're raising your child to be a completely independent human being and if they find love and create a family along the way then that's a bonus.
Of course some are just bonkers and nothing you do will be good enough.
I've broken up with guys with difficult mothers and although they weren't the cause of the break up, they made it so much sweeter knowing I'd never have to deal with THAT again.
We're really lucky that we have this online community (worldwide) to pull from.
Look at how much we've learned from sharing knowledge. It creates a much more understanding and respectfulness if others.
Hopefully the next generation on MILs will be a better one.
I'm hoping that just being aware of what not to do keeps me from being a monster in law. For me now at 41 yrs of age and if I ever become a MIL, I envision a future where I will have my own life to live (finally). Stuff I'd love to be doing now but simply don't have the time. I would do anything and stop everything to help out my kids but I wouldn't feel entitled to be involved in their decisions or the way they live their day to day lives. I'll be there if needed.
Sure you know yourself from visiting friend's and family's houses that the dynamic in each is so different and unique to them. How could anyone impose their way of doing things on to a whole family? Bonkers.
Anyway, that's coming from this side of sixty.
Maybe that changes as the yrs dwindle and all you see is an impending death bed and these 'crazy' MILS are just confusing the way they express how they feel. As in, I don't have much time left here, please give me time with my family but the request comes out as expectations, demands, criticism etc, etc.
That's a bit heartbreaking actually.
I know my MIL feels this way but she never, ever says a thing about it.
And the poor dear lives on the other side of the globe, missing out on her three grandkids here.
I hate it and I would love nothing more to have her close by.
So much so that I'm considering a huge move back home in a few years.
OK, sorry for the (long) ramble. This has been on my mind for a while but in light of the recent thread I thought I'd get it out there.
I know I'm not very articulate so if you've waded through all that and have an opinion, throw it at me.
how do you see yourself as a MIL? What are your in-laws like and will you strive to be like them or do the exact opposite?
I've two sons and a daughter.
One of them is bound to make me a MIL before I croak it.
I'd love to be like my MIL but I fear I'll end up like my own mother who's a bit baths!t crazy at times and totally confuses her emotions and creates more problems for herself.
I read something once, can't remember where but it said
'A criticism is really just a way of making a request, so why not just make the request?'
A good thing to keep for us MILs to be I think.