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  1. #1
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    Default Soon to be a grandmother and am afraid I won't get to see baby enough

    I don't need to be attacked at my age. I hope life is kind to you all.
    Last edited by grandmatobe2015; 08-07-2015 at 22:47.

  2. #2
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    I think you are completely infringing on their personal space and need to let your son be with his family how he should choose. I would never have house guests for weeks every couple of months and quite frankly i think its quite rude to assume that that is ok. It would have nothing to do with brain washing! Why is it rude to ask you to stay in a MIL suite? :what: my inlaws have to sleep on a blow up mattress when they visit here!

    You had your chance to have your 'nest' with your kids, let them have theirs and respect their wishes.

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  4. #3
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    Sounds like they have tried to accommodate you by getting a house that has plenty of room for all of you but you are turning your nose up at it?
    Give them space, especially in the early days! Remember it is their baby. Whilst exciting for everyone, it is more important that they have time to bond without other people in their space.

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  6. #4
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    I think the best way to make sure you get to see your Grandchild is to get out of the mindset that she is getting in the way. You have done your job and raised your son to be a responsible member of society and you now need to respect that he has entered another phase of his life and creating his own family.

    The best way forward is to let them know you are here for them without being pushy or judgemental. You will likely find then that they will want their child to have a relationship with you. You seem to have it in your head that you have a right to be there when you want and I can see this would not go down well with your daughter in law. You need to respect their wishes too.

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    I'm sorry but I'm going to be blunt because I'm not entirely sure you're serious. If you want to see the baby regularly and be a part of their lives then you are going to need to back off considerably, stop being so demanding, start seeing your daughter in law as a real person rather than just a road block between you and your son, and understand that it is their house and you are a guest. If they are letting you stay in a special mother in law suite attached to the house then you are incredibly lucky and should accept their kind hospitality graciously.

    If you keep pushing then you run the very real risk that you will be unwelcome and it won't be because you have a difficult daughter in law.

    Its great that you want to be a part of their lives and have a good relationship with your grandchild. That is truly wonderful. But you need to be realistic, and respect people's boundaries. If you are respectful of your son and his family, and give them some space then you will you find you are a much bigger part of your grandchild's life than if you push and demand.

    If you take the gentle, respectful path where you are grateful when they welcome you into their home whenever they choose to do so (rather than when you expect it to happen) then you won't be forgotten, you'll be loved and included.

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    I'm sorry if this seems harsh but it's not your choice - they're the parents, it's their baby, and they are entitled to as much private time as they want. It sounds like you're being a bit pushy to me and not respecting her role in her husband's and her baby's life. She's allowed to call the shots (in conjunction with her husband of course). I actually think it's very considerate of them to have such accommodation for you. Remember that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by grandmatobe2015;823278.8
    They act as though my visiting them is 'stressful' and I have a good mind not to visit them at all if that is the case!

    ]
    You answered your own question.

    Until you learn a way to decrease the stress in your son family lives you need to stay home.

    When your ready to act like a loving grandmother, mother and mother in law. Than arrange a visit where you fit into their lives and help them in way they would like.

    Being a good grandmother isn't about you and your needs about your grandchild.

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    You visiting them DOES sound stressful for them. If you want to visit for extended stays please find somewhere else to stay so they can have a break and their own space too. If they are nice enough to let you stay in their house then give them space there too and use what facilities they ask you too.
    As for seeing the baby that again is up to them as it is their baby.

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  16. #9
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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    I'm sorry are you serious ??

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    I was not expecting such a very negative response. Before my son got married, I used to visit him for weeks at a time and did all the laundry and cooking. I supported him as a loving mother would. I have tried to make changes to give them space and just want to help them around the home and with looking after their baby. I just did not expect to be treated as an inconvenience and am worried about not spending enough time with my grandchild. I am taking all of your advice on board and appreciate the time you have taken to write it.


 
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