Sadly I lost my baby at 12 weeks in March. Had to have a D&C and unfortunately they left bits so I had to have another D&C 3 weeks later.
That day plays in my head over and over again. No physical pain, no bleeding just a blank screen with no baby. A feeling I can't describe came over me. I layed there crying I looked over at my husband in complete shock and lost for words. I remember thinking is this real, did I really just lose my baby. The baby I saw grow and the heartbeat getting stronger. The worst moment of my life.
I'm finding it very difficult having so many people around me pregnant. I am struggling to have #1. It's like there is something missing. I look in the back seat of my car and imagine what it would be like to have my baby there and wondering What's it like being a mum.
Questioning Why did this happen and why me ? What did I do so bad that I deserved this ?
I'm still in constant pain months after the D&Cs the gyno recommends I have another surgery to see what's going on. another surgery another risk.
I'm completely lost. I having been having panic attacks. They all started about 2 weeks after losing my baby. They seem to be getting worse. I felt like I cant breath. I am always crying even if its over something so silly I just fall to the floor and cry. I'm so lucky to have the husband I have that grabs me and just hugs me until I can stop crying.
When will this pain stop. When will I be able to stop crying. Where to go from here? Am I still fertile ? is there hope for me ?
So many questions.. No answers.