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  1. #1
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    Default Lost, need some guidance :( MC at 12weeks

    Sadly I lost my baby at 12 weeks in March. Had to have a D&C and unfortunately they left bits so I had to have another D&C 3 weeks later.

    That day plays in my head over and over again. No physical pain, no bleeding just a blank screen with no baby. A feeling I can't describe came over me. I layed there crying I looked over at my husband in complete shock and lost for words. I remember thinking is this real, did I really just lose my baby. The baby I saw grow and the heartbeat getting stronger. The worst moment of my life.

    I'm finding it very difficult having so many people around me pregnant. I am struggling to have #1. It's like there is something missing. I look in the back seat of my car and imagine what it would be like to have my baby there and wondering What's it like being a mum.
    Questioning Why did this happen and why me ? What did I do so bad that I deserved this ?

    I'm still in constant pain months after the D&Cs the gyno recommends I have another surgery to see what's going on. another surgery another risk.

    I'm completely lost. I having been having panic attacks. They all started about 2 weeks after losing my baby. They seem to be getting worse. I felt like I cant breath. I am always crying even if its over something so silly I just fall to the floor and cry. I'm so lucky to have the husband I have that grabs me and just hugs me until I can stop crying.

    When will this pain stop. When will I be able to stop crying. Where to go from here? Am I still fertile ? is there hope for me ?

    So many questions.. No answers.


  2. #2
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    I am so sorry your loss. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor?
    I too have had miscarriages and it is just heart breaking xx

  3. #3
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    Sorry for your loss...A lot of what your going through is normal, Hang in there it's a rough road.
    Id suggest some counselling?
    Have your had much support from friends and family?
    Speaking about my miscarriage helped me get through it, I had one in May.

    I know what you mean about struggling with people pregnant around you. That was really hard for me my neighbour brought her new born home and so many friends told me they were pregnant. I felt like crying and thought why did l lose mine?

    Time has helped me move forward and I've tried to stay positive and look forward to the future.

    The fact that your still in pain is concerning? And Is that a constant reminder of what you've been through?

    Take care of yourself

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    I am so sorry your loss. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor?
    I too have had miscarriages and it is just heart breaking xx
    Thanks Hun <3 due to have depression since 14 im now 23 I have been off and on through counselling. I agree it's helped me ..but i just don't know what to say and also I find it very difficult to open up. Feel so vonrible. Thanks for your comment <3

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reneeharry View Post
    Sorry for your loss...A lot of what your going through is normal, Hang in there it's a rough road.
    Id suggest some counselling?
    Have your had much support from friends and family?
    Speaking about my miscarriage helped me get through it, I had one in May.

    I know what you mean about struggling with people pregnant around you. That was really hard for me my neighbour brought her new born home and so many friends told me they were pregnant. I felt like crying and thought why did l lose mine?

    Time has helped me move forward and I've tried to stay positive and look forward to the future.

    The fact that your still in pain is concerning? And Is that a constant reminder of what you've been through?

    Take care of yourself
    As above in regards to counseling ^ but I have had support from my friends and family but I don't really talk to them much due to I don't want to burden them with it. My sister is 12 weeks pregnant with her 3rd so I don't feel its fair to bring everyone down. As hard as it is for me, keeping my issues to my self is just easier. So I totally get how you felt with your neighbor Also all these people pregnant around me complainimg just makes me more sad, angry, bitter .. They just have no idea how lucky they are!

    Sorry about your loss <3 I definitely won't be giving up, I can't give up. I'll try and focus more about the future.

    It is concerning. It isn't normal and I know the more surgerys I have the more scaring they can do each time. I cried when I got told another surgery because I just feel like I can't take anymore. Definitely a reminder of what I have been through and still going through I am on the pill since I lost my baby to have a bit of a break and apparently that's not happening.

    Really appreciate your support hun. Just to chat helps. Thank you <3

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    So sorry for your loss, and the fact you had to have two x D&Cs, that's rather traumatic and it's totally understandable that you're still struggling with things, both physically and mentally. I think one of the hardest things about miscarriage is that it's often taboo and not spoken about openly, which just makes things so much harder. Interestingly it's not uncommon at all and I think you'd find that if you did open up about it to a few people, there will be some who also open up about their experiences. Do you have anyone else to talk to? It's great that your DH is being so supportive. Go easy on yourself xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannah1988 View Post
    As above in regards to counseling ^ but I have had support from my friends and family but I don't really talk to them much due to I don't want to burden them with it. My sister is 12 weeks pregnant with her 3rd so I don't feel its fair to bring everyone down. As hard as it is for me, keeping my issues to my self is just easier. So I totally get how you felt with your neighbor Also all these people pregnant around me complainimg just makes me more sad, angry, bitter .. They just have no idea how lucky they are!

    Sorry about your loss <3 I definitely won't be giving up, I can't give up. I'll try and focus more about the future.

    It is concerning. It isn't normal and I know the more surgerys I have the more scaring they can do each time. I cried when I got told another surgery because I just feel like I can't take anymore. Definitely a reminder of what I have been through and still going through I am on the pill since I lost my baby to have a bit of a break and apparently that's not happening.

    Really appreciate your support hun. Just to chat helps. Thank you <3
    Feel free to chat away we're here for support

    No that's right you can't give up, one day it will be your turn. It just sucks going through this l wish there was no such thing as miscarriage, it takes away the excitement when we have the next one. I can see myself feeling anxious and worried. You feel that you might never bring home a baby

    To be told you need another surgery would be so scary, you've already gone through enough. I opted for a natural because l was too scared to have a d&c.

    I hope this all sorts itself out so you can start ttc again, I think it really helped me to move on and not hold onto the past as sad as that sounds...

    Good luck

  8. #8
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    I'm so sorry to hear, it is the hardest thing to go through. We had a missed miscarriage a few years ago & it took me completely off guard because I was the same. No bleeding, no cramps to signal that anything may be wrong. We found out after an ultrasound too & it was the hardest day of my life seeing that screen. We later had a D&C. I found it really hard afterwards & I couldn't stop crying, even little things months & months later would set me off. I didn't know anyone in real life who had been through one & I had many people say some very insensitive things so I found bub hub to be great to talk to others who have been through the same thing. All I can say is please allow yourself time to grieve. It's ok to be angry, upset & cry when you need too. That sounds great that you have a supportive husband. The other thing I wanted to let you know is that eventually over time is does get easier. Not right away but it will. Massive hugs & I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, it's not fair.


 

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