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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by DizzyDaisy View Post
    Im going against the grain here.... Im a step mum, my DF and his ex split over 10 years ago.. we didn't tell her when we were TTC nor did we tell her that we were pregnant I dont think it is any of her business to be honest. She actually guessed and was surprisingly happy for us. The only negative for us is she likes to keep DSD very busy so she doesn't have time to see her sister except every 2nd weekend when she is here.

    I really dont think it should be such a huge deal.. they haven't been together for such a long time. Your husband has every right to move on with his life and obviously has done with you.
    I'm agreeing with this also. I've been in this situation and we told the kids, all teenagers though, and they in turn told their mother. In my opinion it's absolutely none of her business and I wouldn't even give a thought to how she would react. I'm not being nasty here just it's been 10 years, the only thing we have in common is the kids, and that is that!

    Obviously you guys have a different relationship as she already knew you were TTC, so surely this won't come as a huge shock and all this worry is for nothing.

    All the best in sharing your news! Exciting times!

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Seriously? The kids are about to go through a life changing event, and you don't think it's their mother's business?
    As OP said her step kids would like more siblings, they aren't against their dad having more children. If they were then yes I would be in agreement with giving the kids mum a heads up however I wouldn't be telling her the whole "we're ttcing" it is not her business.

  4. #53
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    I know you've said you'll be telling her OP but won't disclose why (which is fine) but I still say it's your DH's job to tell her. I'm trying to put myself in the position of my DH and I breaking up after 3 children. He repartners and his gf falls pg quite quickly (we were together almost 9 years before we had our first child so 2 years is quick to me ). Then she is the one that tells me. Even if I was over him it would hurt. I would want it to come from him, not her. Even if it wasn't intended that way I would take it as a bit 'nerr nerr I'm pregnant'. Those shirts would gut me as well. But maybe my feelings are that way bc obviously I'm still in love with my DH and the thought of him re partnering full stop makes me feel sick.

    You are in a difficult position OP and I don't envy you. You have every right to feel excited and are probably feeling like balancing her feelings is taking the buzz out of it.

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    HappyBovinexx  (08-07-2015),mrswhitehouse  (10-07-2015),MsViking  (09-07-2015),VicPark  (08-07-2015)

  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah1502 View Post
    Yes, have you got an issue?
    Why so aggressive?

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    Chillies  (09-07-2015),DizzyDaisy  (09-07-2015),HappyBovinexx  (08-07-2015),HeavenBlue  (09-07-2015),MissMuppet  (09-07-2015),MsViking  (09-07-2015),Phony  (09-07-2015),VicPark  (08-07-2015)

  8. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah1502 View Post
    Yes, have you got an issue?
    Not as many as you, sweetheart.

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  10. #56
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    Default Telling the Bio mother

    I'm not even going to continue on with this rubbish. I was simply expressing my opinion and for whatever reason maybe boredom? you felt the need to point out that I called members of the forum 'these people' which I think is a pretty accurate assumption that members of the forum are people?

    Anyway, I'm out.

  11. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah1502 View Post
    I'm not even going to continue on with this rubbish. I was simply expressing my opinion and for whatever reason maybe boredom? you felt the need to point out that I called members of the forum 'these people' which I think is a pretty accurate assumption that members of the forum are people?

    Anyway, I'm out.
    I think what people are getting at is that your post came across as pretty blunt and rude towards previous posters. Maybe something to watch in future? Everyone else commenting has been pretty respectful so far.

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  13. #58
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    Wow, interesting responses from everyone! I'm probably going to be in OP's position some time next year & I wondered myself how/when to tell MY ex that I'm having another baby with my husband. He already knows it will be on the cards one day I'm sure, but he wouldn't be one of the first people I'd be telling.

    For me personally, I'd probably tell, kids, our parents, close friends & family, then the ex. Sure, I do believe that she should get a heads up before the kids tell her about them having another sibling, but I wouldn't stress about it too much. She has a bad reaction? thats her problem. Enjoy the excitement of your pregnancy, her feelings should be the least of your worries right now, but it is lovely that you are taking her into account.

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  15. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah1502 View Post
    I'm not even going to continue on with this rubbish. I was simply expressing my opinion and for whatever reason maybe boredom? you felt the need to point out that I called members of the forum 'these people' which I think is a pretty accurate assumption that members of the forum are people?

    Anyway, I'm out.
    It read as an insult to those offering advice, along with a virtual arm around the shoulder and a toddle-off-in-to-the-sunset response to the OP.
    Just because you agreed with her 100% and had no advice to give it doesn't mean everyone else's advice or opinions are null and void.

    That was my issue but I wasn't going to bother to go there as I am anything but bored, thank you.

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  17. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post
    For me personally, I'd probably tell, kids, our parents, close friends & family, then the ex. Sure, I do believe that she should get a heads up before the kids tell her about them having another sibling, but I wouldn't stress about it too much. She has a bad reaction? thats her problem. Enjoy the excitement of your pregnancy, her feelings should be the least of your worries right now, but it is lovely that you are taking her into account.
    Yeah, I agree. How she reacts really is her problem and it seems the OP and her DH are doing their best.

    Definitely (now we know more details) the way to go is to notify her in the way all communications is normally done, via email. Then it's not such a big deal.

    Makes me wonder now how my Mam would have told my Dad that she was expecting a child with her new partner.
    I'm not even sure if she had any way of contacting him back then.
    I must ask out of interest.
    Dad went on to have two more children himself.
    I remember getting a letter about it at the time, which was the way we kept in touch.
    No biggy! By the time he got round to it I already had two half siblings by from my mam and her partner. Now all in all I have 1 brother and 5 half siblings...though to me they are all just my brothers and sisters.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post
    Wow, interesting responses from everyone! I'm probably going to be in OP's position some time next year & I wondered myself how/when to tell MY ex that I'm having another baby with my husband. He already knows it will be on the cards one day I'm sure, but he wouldn't be one of the first people I'd be telling.
    What way do you communicate with your ex normally?


 

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