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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    There are many other reason why it is better to come from me (including her specifically asking) but I am not comfortable posting them.

    It will come from me. Not H.



    Nope. Work email is the only one she uses. She won't be at work at the weekend.



    She won't see the shirt. And it's a phrase he uses.



    You don't know my stepkids. As stated above, DSS has used the phrase "I want to finally be a big brother" a lot. And they actually asked for tshirts about it when we told them we were thinking of having kids.



    I don't know why. She is "touchy" with everyone and every subject. It has always had to be her way.
    They split when DSS was 1 month old, so over 7 years ago.
    H did the leaving, but it was a mutual split.
    She does not currently have a partner, and has expressed that she doesn't want one.
    No. Completely out of the question.

    It's not her preferred method. It is in the parenting agreement. She prefers to call us, but it is not appropriate.

    The kids will not be put in the position of telling her. That is not their responsibility.

    We told her we would be TTC via email.
    Don't even know why you're trying to defend yourself with these people.

    Congratulations and it would be such an exciting experience for you all especially tell your step kids they are going to be big brothers and sisters. I think you're so sweet for not wanting to hurt the ex's feelings

    Ps I think the tshirts are a great idea x

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  3. #42
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    Given you think their Mum may get upset, the t-shirts on the children is involving the kids in adult issues.

    If it was me I would email (or call) her during the time the children are with you.

    It seems to me though you have made your mind up how to tell her. So, good luck and I hope it goes smoothly.

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  5. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post
    Given you think their Mum may get upset, the t-shirts on the children is involving the kids in adult issues.

    If it was me I would email (or call) her during the time the children are with you.

    It seems to me though you have made your mind up how to tell her. So, good luck and I hope it goes smoothly.
    Again, she will not see the tshirts. And the phrase is something he uses around her anyway. She is fine with the phrase as she knows he has wanted a sibling for years.
    It is not giving the kids any responsibility.

    Yes, I think email is the way to go.

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  7. #44
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    Im going against the grain here.... Im a step mum, my DF and his ex split over 10 years ago.. we didn't tell her when we were TTC nor did we tell her that we were pregnant I dont think it is any of her business to be honest. She actually guessed and was surprisingly happy for us. The only negative for us is she likes to keep DSD very busy so she doesn't have time to see her sister except every 2nd weekend when she is here.

    I really dont think it should be such a huge deal.. they haven't been together for such a long time. Your husband has every right to move on with his life and obviously has done with you.

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  9. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah1502 View Post
    Don't even know why you're trying to defend yourself with these people.

    Congratulations and it would be such an exciting experience for you all especially tell your step kids they are going to be big brothers and sisters. I think you're so sweet for not wanting to hurt the ex's feelings

    Ps I think the tshirts are a great idea x
    These people?

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  11. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by DizzyDaisy View Post
    Im going against the grain here.... Im a step mum, my DF and his ex split over 10 years ago.. we didn't tell her when we were TTC nor did we tell her that we were pregnant I dont think it is any of her business to be honest.
    I agree with this seeing as though it's been so long I probably wouldn't feel so obligated to share anything. I hope you come back OP and let us know how it goes!

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  13. #47
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    Default Telling the Bio mother

    Quote Originally Posted by Chillies View Post
    I agree with this seeing as though it's been so long I probably wouldn't feel so obligated to share anything. I hope you come back OP and let us know how it goes!
    I don't think ttc is anyone's business except the parents to be. I'm surprised this information was shared with the Dh's ex to be honest - heck I didn't even tell my own parents I was pregnant until I was 13 weeks. Perhaps I'm unusually private, perhaps the OP is extra excited/open or perhaps there are other factors I am just not aware of.

    I have no doubt intentions were good however there is a fine line between over share/rubbing salt into the wound and under share/not preparing bio mum for dealing with possible emotions from her kids. I certainly don't envy the OP - she's in a difficult position.
    Last edited by VicPark; 08-07-2015 at 21:12.

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  15. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I don't know why. She is "touchy" with everyone and every subject. It has always had to be her way.

    They split when DSS was 1 month old, so over 7 years ago.
    H did the leaving,.
    I'm not suggesting the split didn't need to happen and I'm not saying your hubby was in the wrong.

    Just want to suggest that perhaps point 2 is the reason behind point 1. I couldn't imagine going through a marriage split when bub was 4 weeks old. That's enough to send anyone into a spiral of crankiness.

    Good onyou for recognising that bio mum might be sensitive and for trying to help her through a potentially difficult time.

  16. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by DizzyDaisy View Post
    Im going against the grain here.... Im a step mum, my DF and his ex split over 10 years ago.. we didn't tell her when we were TTC nor did we tell her that we were pregnant I dont think it is any of her business to be honest. She actually guessed and was surprisingly happy for us. The only negative for us is she likes to keep DSD very busy so she doesn't have time to see her sister except every 2nd weekend when she is here.

    I really dont think it should be such a huge deal.. they haven't been together for such a long time. Your husband has every right to move on with his life and obviously has done with you.
    Seriously? The kids are about to go through a life changing event, and you don't think it's their mother's business?

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  18. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    These people?
    Yes, have you got an issue?


 
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