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  1. #1
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    Default My 3 y/o hasnt changed

    I wrote a while ago, a few times about my son and his behaviour. Im still having a hard time dealing with this behaviour of his, so is DP.
    DS is most of the time doing the wrong thing. He never listens and never follows instructions. Positive reinforcement does not work. Stickers and charts do not work. Praising him for his good behaviour changes nothing.
    It has gotten to the stage where yelling at him is an hourly occurance and time out is every 20 minutes. Although i dont even know why i still put him in time out as its clearly not doing anything and neither is explaining what he has done wrong. We never used to yell but now we just cant handle being calm the whole time anymore, it changes nothing. Im not sure where it is i go from here or what i do. I am at the stage where i am crying every night before i go to sleep because i dont want to get up to my own kids and because i keep thinking there is something more to this. I love every time he goes to day care because i finally dont have to deal with the stress he causes me every day. I am beyond frustrated. At this point finding out if he has adhd or something would make perfect sense to me because i cant even think of any reason a child would act like this. I just dont understand it.. Call me stupid or crazy, over reacting but i just dont know what to do anymore as everything we have tried has failed.

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    I think you need to take things further? I've never been in this position, so please if someone else has more information jump in, but I'd be making a GP appointment for him and discussing your concerns about his behavoiur and asking where to go from here.
    Again as I've said I've never been where your at, but I'm imagining there's paed's who specialise in behaviour therapies, or maybe you could even do a parenting course one that specialises in spirited children and coping strategies?
    Obviously just doing what you're doing isn't helping and you need some outside help. Good luck! Dreading having to wake up every day is no way to live for anyone xox

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    SuperGranny  (06-07-2015)

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    Have you spoken to the staff at daycare? They might have some additional insight (such as whether he behaves the same with everyone or just some people; whether there are any techniques they've found to work; how 'normal' his behaviour appears for his age etc.)

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    SuperGranny  (06-07-2015)

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    He could be on the spectrum so no amount if discipline will change things unless you have the correct tools. Get an assessment by a pead.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    Have you spoken to the staff at daycare? They might have some additional insight (such as whether he behaves the same with everyone or just some people; whether there are any techniques they've found to work; how 'normal' his behaviour appears for his age etc.)
    Yes i have asked. He acts the same as at home. Only time he co operates is when they go outside to play but as soon as he is out there his behaviour is unpredictable.

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    He needs help, and you need help to cope with him. Please see your GP and get him referred to a Paed that may be able to help.

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    I feel your pain, I went through this with my now 3 year old DS, long story short we took him to a gp who gave us a referral to a pead who ruled out any medical issues and then we got referred to a play therapy psychologist- within a month we saw massive improvements, I also kept daycare in the loop and emphasised to them that we needed to start fresh ( I truly believe that he was labelled the " naughty kid" and it becomes a self fufilling prophecy)
    Although we still have " bad" days it's what I would consider to be in the realm of a normal toddler/ preschooler.
    Hang in there

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    CazHazKidz  (07-07-2015)

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    There's not enough information for us to say one way or another if your child has an underlying condition or whether he is just going through a normal toddler turd stage.

    Regardless it sounds like it's really rough on you. Are you able to take time out to recharge? If not for a whole weekend (wouldn't that be nice!) how about having half a day off on the weekend to go to a movie and have a coffee?

    One thing that comes to mind is consistency. Are you and hubby being consistent? Each time you out your toddler in the corner are you:
    - getting down to your child's level (without being in their face)
    - speaking in a calm voice explaining what DS did wrong
    - saying DS needs to stay for 3 minutes
    - not engaging if DS tries to 'play up' during the 3 minutes
    - calmly asking DS why he was in the corner
    - asking for DS to say sorry
    - saying you still love DS and asking for cuddles

    You need to do it exactly the same each time.

    Stick with any positive reinforcement rewards charts for at least 3 weeks before giving up.

    My ds1 went through a stage where he was being a right little turd. I didn't know what to do. So I copied a friend and created a family rules chart with all the things we don't do (hitting, kicking, yelling, ripping books) and all the things we do (sharing, listening, being gentle, using the toilet). It had pictures and everything. Each morning and evening I would go over the rules with DS. When he did something good (eg sharing) I would take him to the chart, point to the sharing picture and say how happy mummy and daddy were that he was sharing. When he did something on the 'don't' list he got a corner and at the end we looked at the chart and I asked him to point to what he did wrong. After about 4 weeks (yes it took that long!) I started to see a pretty big improvement in his behavior. He now thinks it's funny to tell me when his little brother is breaking the rules "ds2 ripped my book!!! No ripping books ds2!!"

    Another thing - as hard as it may be- you have to lead by example. Whatever you don't want your DS doing - whatever is on your don't list - you can't do it in front of him. Kids learn from adults - you can't expect a child not to yell when mummy and daddy yell. That's not to say you need to be perfect. We all slip up sometime. Just admit to your DS that you did something you shouldn't have and you're sorry. When I was introducing the family rules to ds1 I put myself in the naughty corner a few times for yelling (only a few times - I learned quickly!).

    Hang in there and good luck .

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    harvs  (06-07-2015)

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    Have you looked into something like triple P? It's a positive parenting course.

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    My nephew is like this; constantly naughty.

    Theres no underlying issue; he just enjoys being naughty and nothing stops it.

    I agree with seeing a psych so you can learn a parenting/ discipline program/technique that can help.

    Ive done the triple p modified for special needs (as my boy has a disability) it helped a lot!

    I think i said to the psych after a particularly difficult day "just tell me how harsh i can be without causing psychological damage" hahah.


 

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