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  1. #1
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    Default Ivf/icsi - how do you deal with the disappointment

    First of all I will share my story... DH and I had been trying for years seeing drs and fs on and off but I was never satisfied with them. DH heard about a naturopath and we went down that path, she suggested I may have endo so after some research I found a fs I was happy with and after performing his own scans had suspicions the cyst he found was endo. He booked me in for a laparoscopy and the cyst he removed was confirmed to be endo, he also found others of it which he removed. 6 months later and still no luck we decided on iui which was a bfn. We decided to try ivf/icsi as the success rates were higher, I responded well and they got 6 eggs, 5 mature and 4 fertilised (we didn't freeze as we are going through a low cost clinic and it's financially better to do another fresh cycle) they transferred but just before I could do a bt I started to bleed and knew it was over round 2 started but my dosage was lower as I had quite bad pain after the last pick up which I thought was normal but they are unsure if I was possibly over stimulated. The last scan before Ec showed only 2 good sized follicles (I was devastated) but DH and the dr were still positive. Ec day and they got one which was mature but didn't fertilise overnight.
    Of course we will try again but I sit and wonder sometime if it will happen but I know need to be positive it can be just so hard. Our friends and family are so supportive but they just don't understand how gut wrenching it is. They see us as strong and ask us how we do it and honestly I don't know a lot of the time, it is heart breaking but I have to try and keep positive but sometimes I feel that slowly it's being taken away from me.
    Any ideas on how to keep positive would be greatly appreciated

  2. #2
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    Big hugs. It is REALLY hard, and people just don't get how gut wrenching the whole process is unless they've gone through it themselves.

    I don't really have any tips, except to just take things a day at a time and try not to give up hope. We had two failed icsi cycles (1 fresh, 1 frozen) and I wasn't sure if we'd ever get to have a family, but third cycle (also fresh) resulted in a BFP and I'm now 23 weeks along. We changed clinics after our second failed cycle and I'm so glad we did, the way our second clinic approached things made us feel so much more comfortable with the whole process, and even though it was a more expensive clinic, we definitely feel it was money well spent. Of course if you are happy with the care you are receiving from your FS then there's no need to change, but we weren't which is why we made the switch. But don't rule out seeking a second opinion at some point, sometimes fresh eyes can help. Good luck to you, it's a tough road!! I hope you get your baby soon.

  3. #3
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    Hun could you explain why it's financially better to keep doing fresh cycles?

    I personally can't see the sense in wasting perfectly good embies?

    Fresh stims are so hard on the body? And success rates from frozen cycles are slightly higher. Xx

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  5. #4
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    @Cobba86 - so sorry to hear that you are also on this frustrating and disappointing path.

    I agree with the other ladies here - depending on your individual circumstances, it may actually be better to pay more at a clinic with better facilities, specialists and success rates, because you may then have less attempts to get a positive outcome.

    My DH and I are still trying for number one. We were at a fantastic clinic, with a great specialist who ran all the tests and did the best they could. After five failed cycles we felt it was time for a second opinion.

    We changed clinics and specialists, are currently on our second cycle and while we still have not had success yet, I can see where the difference in cost is going.

    After a visit to the new doc, we were diagnosed with not one, but two more issues that could potentially be preventing our success - in addition to the MFI issues we already new about. We then changed our treatment plan to suit that.

    In addition to this, we were able to get our first (and second) EVER blastsies - and they were both good quality. I think the combo of the new protocol I was on, and the facilities of the clinic helped us achieve this. Previously our envies had all only made it to day three.

    And lastly, it does seem a waste for your frozen embies. At my current clinic, success rates for those are on the rise.

    Unfortunately none of us will ever know what will be the key to success - what works one time may not work another and even the most unlikely of embryos can be 'the one'- but l think at the end of the day, it's better to have all advice so you can make the best decision for you.

    Either way, don't give up, follow your heart and I hope your dreams come true really soon!

    All the best!

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    Default Ivf/icsi - how do you deal with the disappointment

    Me again! I also just wanted to say that this is an incredibly hard journey, and while you will find people for support, no one will ever understand your own personal struggle except your DH.

    I find that the only way to get through is to keep focusing on what you could achieve one day. As long as you have the goal in site, it will be enough to keep you going, even when you think all is lost. Always explore new options and try new things.

    My DH is my best support - we try talk often and are open about what we are feeling, we support each other when we are each down and we sometimes even use each other as emotional punching bags!

    Find a friend or family member you can confide in, and if you can't Bub hub is a fantastic option!

    Some people find counselling can help.

    If you can't talk to anyone - write down what you are feeling.

    Distractions are great - yoga/acupuncture can help with stress, DH and I go out for date nights, dinner and movie A LOT to take our mind off it all, and short weekend getaways or longer holidays are good too if you can.

    Take a break from it all when you need and try again when you are stronger.

    Big hugs, stay strong and hopefully your dream is a reality just around the corner.

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  8. #6
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    Cobba, sorry you're having to go through all of this. I'd be finding a better clinic, I know we all want to save money where we can because it's so outrageously expensive but using a low cost clinic is often false economy.
    Low cost clinics are under the microscope a bit at the moment as some of them apparently have pretty abysmal success rates. There is a big push at the moment to have disclosure of success rates revealed to patients for this very reason.
    I spent a couple of cycles at a mid range clinic myself and forever kicked myself I didn't start at Monash here in Melb as they have good success rates. They cost more but I got my only BFP with my own eggs there...

    Em x

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    We had a tough time with it all too. 14 medicated cycles all up to get our BFP. I'd agree with going to a good clinic. Costs more but it'll be worth it. In terms of coping, I don't have too many suggestions I'm afraid. I saw several councillors and they didn't help. One suggested scrap booking which made me laugh! Ha, as if that would help!

  11. #8
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    Go to a normal clinic. They should never have advised you to waste embryos as you never know if you can replace them.

    You get what you pay for.

    Also assume that it will take 4 cycles to get pregnant, that is the statistics.

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  13. #9
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    Default Ivf/icsi - how do you deal with the disappointment

    I'm not sure why they got u to do iui, the biggest problem with endo is the fertilisation, possibly dt inflammatory processes, so ivf is the way. Iui is helpful esp for mainly slightly slow swimmer, since they have less to go...
    The quality of the lab and how they can Taylor plans is so important, full cost is the way to go unless u have no option .
    My dr said forget everything else, unless I had some massive problem with the thought, laparoscopy, try natural for a bit after if I wanted then Ivf. Was 35 with endo. Otherwise I was really putting myself thru more lower chance options.
    And I started with the concept id be truely getting worried ( rather than just a bit) if u got no embies in a cycle or I did 5 rounds with no luck.... It happens after more but chances are lower.


 

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