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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being unreasonable?

    XH & I seperated in jan due to DV (TBH I packed DD & I in the car while he was at work, and never looked back)

    Fast forward 6 months and he has been having DD wednesday night (from 530pm until 8am thursday)

    I have recently enrolled in TAFE and no longer want to do wednesday nights as it would mean we would have to meet half way at 7pm on a Wednesday & again at 630am on a Thursday.

    I have suggested we change the weekly visit to a fri, sat, sun or mon (due to tafe I can not do a Tue, wed or thur)

    XH has flipped his lid. This is not good enough.

    When we started over night visits for DD I expressed that the agreement would change when I went back to tafe, and again next year when DD goes to school & I will be in full time work.

    However he has plans every weekend (blah blah blah) and can not commit to a regular weekend night & monday is also a no go.

    We have no court orders (yet) and no parenting plan. Just a verbal agreement.

    Am I being unreasonable expecting him to change his night with DD? Due to an injury he knows I need to retrain. I've tried to keep him updated but only (last week) found out what the tafe schdule would be.

    Ive told him that if he wants to go away with his new GF and skip his weekends, then I am fine with that.

    Why is he being so difficult?

  2. #2
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    Not unreasonable at all. He is being completely unreasonable by giving you only one night per week he is available to be a parent. What a ****.

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    BerryDelicious  (03-07-2015),GrabbyCrabby  (04-07-2015)

  4. #3
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    No you're not being unreasonable. He's her father, why shouldn't he have her for some of the weekend? Sounds selfish to me.

  5. #4
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    Maybe allowing visits before patenting plans were in place may have been jumping the gun especially since it was a dv issue. Can you hold off until that's all sorted. No visits ?

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    Sethysmum  (03-07-2015)

  7. #5
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    You're not being unreasonable. Sure, your ex is being inconvenienced a teeny tiny tad by having the plans changed... However if he was a mature dedicated parent he would see it's in his child's best interest to ensure her mother is able to retrain and get a good job.

    And unless he is working 6 days per week (except for Wednesday) then I don't understand how he could not be flexible. His aim should be to see his child not stick it to you.

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    GrabbyCrabby  (04-07-2015)

  9. #6
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    Thanks all.

    Visits started because;
    1. I was refused legal aid
    2. No one would mediate due to DV issues c60i
    3. XH had 2 lawyers I was negotiating with (just me & a text box)
    4. Every drop in lawyer told me 'even the worst criminals get some time of visitation so I needed to start thinking about what type of visitation I was happy with'

    He went 3 months without seeing DD, Then we started with supervised park visits with me & his mother present. Then went to unsupervised day visits. Then unsupervised over night visits.

    The whole thing has been a work in progress.

    I am in councilling & it was she that made realize the DV was always directed towards me. Yes sometimes in front of DD but apart from that (which I realize is still a big deal) he is more neglectful towards her then violent.

    By only having her from 530pm - 8am I thought 'he's only got to supervise for 2 hours of an evening & 1.5 in the morning. The rest is spent sleeping. Once a week. thats 3.5 hours total awake time with 1 of those hours being in transit to/from his house. What are the chances he will loose his patience with DD in the time frame?' Oviously I think the chances are very very slim otherwise she wouldnt be going. but 2 nights in a row with a day in between is concerning (to me)

    DD is only 5 and has already forgotten EVERYTHING. Now he's that 'fun dad' who spoils her rotten with desert & downloads/you tube that she can't wait to see.

    The visits are for DD, not him.

    I should also mention theres a high chance he has NPD.. so that's what im dealing with.

    My last email pretty much said exactly what PP said. 'We are no longer available these nights, pick a different night'

    Ive CCd his mother in on our emails in hope she can mediate.

    I found a mediator willing to try and help because it was at my request. She (like all of the others) said she was incredibly uncomfortable doing it & would try her best but doubted we would get anywhere.

    Such a mess

  10. #7
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    [QUO TE=BerryDelicious;8229034]Thanks all.

    Visits started because;
    1. I was refused legal aid
    2. No one would mediate due to DV issues c60i
    3. XH had 2 lawyers I was negotiating with (just me & a text box)
    4. Every drop in lawyer told me 'even the worst criminals get some time of visitation so I needed to start thinking about what type of visitation I was happy with'

    He went 3 months without seeing DD, Then we started with supervised park visits with me & his mother present. Then went to unsupervised day visits. Then unsupervised over night visits.

    The whole thing has been a work in progress.

    I am in councilling & it was she that made realize the DV was always directed towards me. Yes sometimes in front of DD but apart from that (which I realize is still a big deal) he is more neglectful towards her then violent.

    By only having her from 530pm - 8am I thought 'he's only got to supervise for 2 hours of an evening & 1.5 in the morning. The rest is spent sleeping. Once a week. thats 3.5 hours total awake time with 1 of those hours being in transit to/from his house. What are the chances he will loose his patience with DD in the time frame?' Oviously I think the chances are very very slim otherwise she wouldnt be going. but 2 nights in a row with a day in between is concerning (to me)

    DD is only 5 and has already forgotten EVERYTHING. Now he's that 'fun dad' who spoils her rotten with desert & downloads/you tube that she can't wait to see.

    The visits are for DD, not him.

    I should also mention theres a high chance he has NPD.. so that's what im dealing with.

    My last email pretty much said exactly what PP said. 'We are no longer available these nights, pick a different night'

    Ive CCd his mother in on our emails in hope she can mediate.

    I found a mediator willing to try and help because it was at my request. She (like all of the others) said she was incredibly uncomfortable doing it & would try her best but doubted we would get anywhere.

    Such a mess[/QUOTE]
    Sending hugs. What a rubbish situation

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to lilypily For This Useful Post:

    BerryDelicious  (04-07-2015)


 

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