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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling alone and lost. No idea where to go from here

    I'm so upset, I'm 39 weeks pregnant with my 2nd. There's so much stress in my life ATM and nothing I can do about it.
    I have an 8 year old step son, he has behavioral issues, he doesn't like it when we try to get him to do homework etc and hates hearing no. He's usually pretty good with us, but when he's with bio mum (50/50) he threatens to kill himself and run away. Bio mum until recently wouldn't discipline him. She's told us in the past that he rules the house. She's started to want to place rules and boundaries and now he's rebelling. He used to go to the tutor but threatened to kill himself because the homework is too hard so he no longer goes.
    Dh and I have spoken to psychologists, psych nurses and people from dhs and all agree that there's nothing wrong with him from what they see (when he's in our care) but agree he has issues when with his mother but believe it's acting out to get his own way.
    Bio mum has been on dhs back about him seeing a psychologist, dh has agreed for them both to go without him to discuss the issues (dh believes dss is trying to manipulate bio mum, he tells us he has no intention of hurting himself but he gets mad at bio mum and wants to hurt her) if the psychologist then wants to see him dh has agreed to let him go.
    Bio mum keeps ringing up and fighting with dh about it, it's causing so much stress, I'm due to have my baby any day now and she just won't leave us alone. I feel like I have no one to talk to because she's been doing the same thing for years and everyone's sick of hearing about her crap. If something doesn't go her way she threatens to take us to court.
    I feel like my only options for this to end are 1) leaving dh or 2) dying (I'm not suicidal, just think about death and how it would be good for the crap to be over)
    I have no idea what to do. Why won't she just let us have these couple of weeks where she's not calling and causing trouble all the time

  2. #2
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi invisiblewoman. is there some way for you to just disengage for the next few months.?? let every discussion about dss be between dh and biomum. if she rings hand the phone over to someone else, or just hang up. you need to be able to enjoy your short preparation time for your babies birth, try to keep a distance from this other stuff for the time being. Eight year old son could be most certainly playing up for his biomum, but that is something for a professional person to assess, and I do recommend you and your dh follow up on that situation, but for now, just let everything happen without you. marie.

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  4. #3
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    I have been the step mum.
    Tell your dh how much this is hurting /stressing you. That you need him to take care of it and you take care of yourself. He needs to step up and if you have a trusting relationship then he knows how you feel and can make any decisions about dss without worrying you.
    Good luck. And enjoy your pregnancy!

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    block her number, get a phone that is for just her to ring on or insist all contact be via text or email

  8. #6
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    It's really hard to disengage. She calls and will just start yelling and crying and threatening to go to court if things don't go her way. It upsets dh and that's what gets to me. We don't get to enjoy our weeks with dss because she'll call every couple of days (about dss) it will be a civil convo to start with but then it goes to hell. I told her a week ago I don't need the stress and can we please just be left alone for a couple of weeks while we prepare for this baby. She stopped contacting me but still calls dh.

  9. #7
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    hi invisablewoman. she sounds like she seriously needs help. is there someway to direct her to contact you or dh through your solicitor. just refuse to listen to her. I can understand why your stepson has issues. hugs, marie.

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    Has your hubby been to mediation with his ex? If not he should start the process of doing up a parenting plan with a mediation centre.
    Include things such as care arrangments, communication and boundries.
    Her behaviour is classed as harrassment, you could get an AVO order on her.
    You need rules in place that state communiction via email and limited to once a week unless its an emergency and your hubby needs to tell her he will not argue on the telephone and hang up. You need to block her number and refuse to communicate with her as its your hubbys job not yours.
    His ex,his kid-his problem!
    A mediation centre can help by having Shuttled sessions so he wont have to sit in the room with her and will have a trained third party mediator to work through these issues.

  11. #9
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    Also wanted to add that your SS behaviour could be due to that he is aware of the fighting and tension between his parents.
    Hopefully they can agree that the best thing for the kid would be to calm down and not show the animosity they both feel.

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    Caller id - don't pick up. If things are so tense you shouldn't be speaking with her at all. Either your hubby picks up or no
    One does.


 

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