When I fled my abusive relationship for the last time, one of the first things my well-meaning friends and family asked was why I never told them what was happening to me
"Why didn't you say something," they'd ask, looking concerned and confused. "I could have helped you. I could have done something!"
And I believe them. Had they known how horrible my life had become, I have no doubt that they would have done their best to help me. But all this happened more than twenty years ago. Today, I'm healed, emotionally healthy, and over it—and have the clarity of hindsight to see that my friends and family would have helped me.
But back then, not so much. Because when you're in the thick of things, in the middle of a hell that you're convinced is of your own making, you can't see anything clearly. Fear and shame consume you—they're your constant companions. And when you look at your family and friends, you often can only see judgment and derision. You know their opinions about women who stay in abusive relationships.
its a good article about how to help someone ... worth a read