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  1. #1
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    Default How can i make dh understand??

    Ok any tips?

    I have learnt, during this parenting journey, that sometimes you just have to do what works.

    For example, if we are trying to have friends over, go out somewhere etc & ds wont go to sleep then i accept that i might need to rock him for that sleep - otherwise he just wont sleep at all & our outing/gathering will end in hysterical screaming.

    Not sure whats wrong with that or why its so hard to understand? But dh is the most stubborn person in the world & he has this attitude of 'oh im going to get him down in his cot if it takes me 4 hours of lying on the floor banging the mattress'.

    He cant seem to accept or comprehend that sometimes we just need to do what works.

    Like today for example. We just went out this morning so ds is exhausted & he wont go to sleep. Its dh's turn to settle him & hes been lying on the floor banging the mattress for an hour already & not getting anywhere. We have people coming over soon & ds NEEDS to have a sleep before that or he'll be hysterical. I said to dh half an hour ago that given we are having guests he might just have to rock him. I just had to go in & tell him to rock him as we are running out of time & i got some stupid attitude from dh cause god forbid we should do what works occasionally.....

    Am i being ridiculous like he thinks & should i just spend all day trying for a cot sleep & then deal with the screaming when he doesn't have one?

    Or how can i make dh understand that getting him down however we can makes outings, visting etc so much more enjoyable?

  2. #2
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    If your DH is hell bent on doing it his way, then I'd be telling him that he can deal with the fall out of managing DS when he loses it later from not sleeping.

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  4. #3
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    But later we are both home to see the visitors (his family) so we'll both have to deal with it. And there are already issues with dh's family (his brother likes to come & try & 'help'/'say hello' when we are settling ds & hypes him up, so now we just don't try for naps at all when dh's brother is here) - so no chance for a nap this arvo.

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    I had a sleep consultant out this week who was absolutely marvellous! She said after an hour there is no point. Walk in open the blinds do what I usually do when getting DD up and restart her wakeful period. My DD and your DS sound quite similar with their cr@p sleep 😉
    After 3 awesome days DD'S afternoon nap has gone to crap. After 45mins of not being able to resettle I got her up and will try again later

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    We have this rule "the one who does thing does it the right way".
    So we can't criticise the OH for doing something differently to what we'd have done.

    In your scenario I would put baby down for his nap myself rather than trying to tell DH that my way is the best way.

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    Yes i should have put him down myself. I just like dh to take a turn sometimes so its not all on me, but i guess on days when i need ds to have a sleep ill have to do it.

    Unfortunately he wont be sleeping at all today now thanks to dh being so stubborn as there isnt time to try for another sleep before the guests arrive.

  9. #7
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    I agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that whoever is doing whatever the job is needs to be allowed to do it their way.

    However, where sleep is concerned, I do think you need to have a consistent approach. I have done a lot (A LOT!) of reading about sleep, and the one opinion that is echoed everywhere is that for day time naps, it's best for everyone's sanity to give up after an hour and try again later. Is there a reason you can't try for a nap again later?

    Is your DH a reader? If you could gather some 'evidence' and send him some links supporting whatever you are saying, would he read them and take them on? I know for FOB, he will ignore me but if I can send him some proof behind what I'm saying he will usually jump on board.

    I think in the middle of a fraught time trying to get bub to sleep you are both likely to be tense and not communicate very well. Can I ask why your DH is so adamantly against rocking to sleep?

    At the end of the day, if your DS misses a sleep here and there the world won't end. Is it inevitable that he will be hysterical later? Have you tried some distraction techniques when he's overtired? I know I felt better on a day-to-day basis when I could relax a little about sleep and accept some naps/some days/some weeks will be challenging. I also remember on NYE 2013 I was beside myself cos DS wouldn't stay down (in a strange house with lots more noise than usual). By midnight, someone just said 'why don't you get him up?' It was highly against all the sleep stuff I had ingrained, but it was a sanity saver. He stayed up til 4am, my friends passed him around for cuddles, he was happy and I relaxed.

    FWIW, if I visit someone with young children, I expect that there will be some tears, some sleep issues, a need for one or both hosts to disappear every now and then (sometimes for a long time). Friends understand.

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    Harvs he missed his morning nap cause he slept in then we went out so thats why i felt it was important he didnt miss his afternoon sleep as well. We cant try later as dh's brother will be here & we just don't bother trying for sleeps when hes around, much easier that way & less likely to end in me screaming at him.

    Im trying to rock him now though so fingers crossed i get him down before dh's brother arrives

  12. #9
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    Good luck :-) I hope he sleeps for you.

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    I'm not sure this is what you want to hear so stop reading now if you want to.....

    Perhaps your DH does understand you. He just does not agree with you. I can see your point about just doing what works and I know that you have had a long road with your bubs sleep but my own ideas with my children's sleep is more in line with your DH. I think babies need consistency. I learnt early in my parenting journey that my baby liked me to send him very clear messages. If I was teaching him to self settle in his cot but then occasionally rocked him to sleep he would get very confused. At the next sleep he would have found it very difficult to self settle. In the long term it would set him back with his sleeping and result in more tears.
    I decided just to always stick to our same routines regardless of social engagements or visitors. If our day was going really badly and I knew he was going to be melting down when family was due to come over I would tell me family not to come. I know this is not easy but my friends and family have just had to learn the hard way that I will always put my baby's needs before theirs. I'm not saying that I would pat the mattress for an hour cos that's not how we settled to sleep but just in general I do not do what works, I do what I know is best (longer term). Perhaps this is what your DH is thinking (even tho he is not implementing it or explaining it to you in the best way).

    So good luck this afternoon. I hope bub is happy wether he sleeps well or not. Perhaps it's time for you and DH to take some time and have a chat about your overall parenting decisions. Finding a way to get on the same page might take a bit of understanding from you both- not just making DH understand you.
    X

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