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  1. #31
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Bar or liquid? Lmao, troll.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    By that logic, if I swear at my husband when he's being a d***head and he force feeds me soap, that's just a consequence of my behaviour and not my husband abusing me. Or does it not count as abuse when you do it to a child?
    Do you honestly not realise how ridiculous your statement is?
    I'm not advocating the soap, but this logic rarely works either. If my husband made me sit in a corner for 5 minutes or confiscated my phone or grounded me and told me I couldn't attend a social occasion for a fortnight, that would be abuse as well. There are differences in punishments for children and how adults treat each other.

    Back to the OP though, my mum made me eat mustard. It didn't work. I swear more than anyone I know and I like mustard. I fully expect my kids to swear because I set appalling standards. I've already planned the talk about time, place and waiting until they're adults, and will use the swear jar method. I think discussion and consequence like swear jars or withholding privileges is far more effective than any physical punishment.

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  5. #33
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    By that logic, if I swear at my husband when he's being a d***head and he force feeds me soap, that's just a consequence of my behaviour and not my husband abusing me. Or does it not count as abuse when you do it to a child?
    Do you honestly not realise how ridiculous your statement is?
    Well said ^

  6. #34
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    I'm not advocating the soap, but this logic rarely works either. If my husband made me sit in a corner for 5 minutes or confiscated my phone or grounded me and told me I couldn't attend a social occasion for a fortnight, that would be abuse as well. There are differences in punishments for children and how adults treat each other.

    Back to the OP though, my mum made me eat mustard. It didn't work. I swear more than anyone I know and I like mustard. I fully expect my kids to swear because I set appalling standards. I've already planned the talk about time, place and waiting until they're adults, and will use the swear jar method. I think discussion and consequence like swear jars or withholding privileges is far more effective than any physical punishment.
    We had a babysitter who used hot mustard on my 3 brothers and I. My mum was LIVID when we told her. Anyway, it didn't work. I still recall the feel of this lady sticking her horrid finger in my mouth and running it along my gums.. I am more traumatised by that action than anything else, I didn't associate it with not swearing (I actually don't even think she did it for us swearing, just general back chat), it just doesn't work.
    I'll admit, I swear sometimes. My DS is almost 16 and has NEVER sworn in my presence. The one time I heard him cuss was when he was 13 and tripped over while walking and said "sh!t". Boy was his face red when he realised, I just giggled because it was so out of character and he was clearly embarrassed. I really don't know how I managed it, but he just knows I don't tolerate it. It's about respect.

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    Gosh what an interesting thread!! Usually kids follow parents as their examples. I've told my kids that swear words are red words (they are 7 & 5 & 2.5) and we don't use those words. I would never ever even think of putting soap etc in their mouths.. really there are other ways of punishment. I'd get them to write out ''I must not swear'' 50 times every time.. they will get sick of it believe me, especially when you make it more than 50 times.

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    I wouldn't make any child eat soap. How awful!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    It's about respect.

    This last sentence is the clincher. I still hardly swear around my parents though oddly, they've relaxed and swear around me, though it makes me awkward because it sounds so strange. But their house rules while I was growing up were "no swearing". The end. I'll be a bit more relaxed because for me personally, I'm not offended by it, as long as it's not directed AT me IYKWIM. But every second word or just general filth I won't abide. It's about respecting people; I modify my language around people I know it will/likely will offend because I respect that not everyone is as relaxed about swearing as I am. I think the broader picture is teaching respect and appropriateness of behaviour (I maintain that a solid "FFAARRRKKKK" when stubbing one's little toe is not only OK, but absolutely necessary).

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    I'm going to take this seriously for now and assume the OP isn't trolling given the latter response.

    I work with kids from really rough backgrounds, and they often swear a LOT. It's incredibly mild in terms of their general behavioural issues, but we insist on respect for others. That goes both ways though.

    What works well with MOST kids, is along the lines of the following:
    Child - swears at staff
    Staff - "Please speak to me without swearing. I don't like being spoken to that way."
    Child - continues swearing
    Staff - "I'll speak to you when you talk to me without swearing." Walk away/ignore.
    Continue repeating that line, or ignoring what they say. Very important to remain calm and consistent.

    It can take a while to break habits...months with some kids...but it generally works well. When they're calm and not swearing, it can also be useful to discuss why you dislike swearing/ask them about why they swear or how they feel about it. Your views on swearing may seem obvious to you, but your kids won't necessarily understand why you dislike it, or agree with your point of view.

    In the end, you can't control their behaviour. You can, however, insist that it's completely unacceptable in your presence/in certain situation, and enforce logical and relevant consequences.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    By that logic, if I swear at my husband when he's being a d***head and he force feeds me soap, that's just a consequence of my behaviour and not my husband abusing me. Or does it not count as abuse when you do it to a child?
    Do you honestly not realise how ridiculous your statement is?
    You are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to mine. The only difference is I don't feel the need to tell you how ridiculous I find your post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    This last sentence is the clincher. I still hardly swear around my parents though oddly, they've relaxed and swear around me, though it makes me awkward because it sounds so strange. But their house rules while I was growing up were "no swearing". The end. I'll be a bit more relaxed because for me personally, I'm not offended by it, as long as it's not directed AT me IYKWIM. But every second word or just general filth I won't abide. It's about respecting people; I modify my language around people I know it will/likely will offend because I respect that not everyone is as relaxed about swearing as I am. I think the broader picture is teaching respect and appropriateness of behaviour (I maintain that a solid "FFAARRRKKKK" when stubbing one's little toe is not only OK, but absolutely necessary).
    I was reading (or maybe watching?) something the other day about how letting out a nice loud swear word when you hurt yourself can actually act as a mild anesthetic so it's great in those situations!!

    I'm like you and pretty relaxed about language and with DH's potty mouth we new it wouldn't be long before DS was repeating things. We explained to him why other people would be offended by them, not to use them outside of the home and he could only use a word when he knew the meaning of it. He's been really good with this and will only say sh!t every now and then.

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