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  1. #1
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    Default Ivf with donor sperm - would you if that's the only option?

    I've met a girl the other day who coincidently is the stepmother of one of the girls my stepdaughter does to volleyball with. I told that hubby and I were unsuccessfully ttc for a while - she asked whether we have any kids.
    Turns out she is doing ivf through genea also but is looking to transfer to ivf Australia as her husband may not be able to father a child (5% chance she said) as it turned out after no eggs were making it. I didn't ask much more detail as I felt bad. I only just met the woman.
    Anyway her FS said sperm donation is the best option by genea doesn't do it through a sperm bank at least.
    Her husband has 3 children (all girls) which is strange but I don't know the details.
    Now they don't have the money to do ivf after ivf and fail so she said she was keen to do the donation but her husband refuses as it's not his child.
    I feel terrible for the poor woman as she has no kids and likely won't have any whereas she has to care for his husbands kids quite often. Not fair that he deserves children but refuses her the chance of having one or two of her own. I found this totally selfish personally.
    I mentioned this to hubby and he agrees with the bloke. I am shocked and hope he is all good when we get the final tests but I am now freaking out that if he is not then this is it.
    I am wondering out of curiosity what your thoughts are about sperm donation and whether you have done it? How did you feel and was your husband ok with it? Just something I am pondering about...
    Last edited by KittyDeFleur; 25-06-2015 at 17:10.

  2. #2
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    I discussed it with my hubby out of curiosity once, and he also said he wouldn't want a baby through donor sperm. I think it's a very normal reaction for many men. The problem is that if I had no kids and he wouldn't agree to using a donor - it would fester and come between our marriage. I think I would end up leaving... Lucky for us we have kids of our own so we'll never know.

  3. #3
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    I think I am the same It would probably cross my mind to leave and do it on my own. Hubby is also very opposed to adoption. He would be ok using donor eggs which is weird.

  4. #4
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    I would leave and do it on my own. I love my partner more than anyone can ever imagine, but every person deserves to have children, whether through adoption, donor, or IVF.

    Easy for him to say as he has already had 3 children... Not so fair on his wife.

  5. #5
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    Exactly my thought

  6. #6
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    If he flat out refused and she was looking at a life without children, if it were me I would leave and have children on my own. I think if you truly loved somebody you wouldn't deny them a child no matter how they are conceived. I know DH would probably not like the idea of using a donor sperm (if we were in their situation) but he wouldn't refuse if it meant I would never have children.

  7. #7
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    That's what I told her and hubby thinks I am a fool which actually makes me think that my husband is very selfish too... I could not not have children and this is the position she is in. While I am quite young unfortunately she isn't. I really hope she fulfills her dream of motherhood as I know how unrewarding stepmother hood can be. This women went through custody battles with her husband and he can't go through this with her? Glad to see that I am not the only one thinking that way. I felt bad when I said this to her but now don't that much.

  8. #8
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    It is very difficult to know the "exact" answer until it actually happens. At the moment, it is all hypothetical, right? I am in a slightly different situation. DH is born being infertile (unfortunately). Before we tried everything medically to have our own biological child, he said no on donor sperm straight out. It brought me into tears and depression. As time went by, the desire of having a family was getting stronger and with the last confirmation that we would never have bio child together, he has come around with it. It was heart breaking for both of us. I'd expressed my desire of wanting to be a mother and i actually won't want to raise a child without him. I want to have a family with him. After what we have gone through together, I will not divorce him for something that isn't his fault. It would put me in a position of being childless and it will probably take time for me to adjust. Regret of not having a child? Maybe, but i personally think there is something more than children in life (to see it in a positive way if that's what i end up with). I had been to many counselling sessions to change how i see things and prepare myself for whatever is coming, Even with donor, IVF might not be the cure.

    We went through donor counselling and it has cleared up a lot of misconceptions that we had in mind. I am grateful that my DH has a big heart to accept it and he is just like any other dad being very happy when I got the BFP.


 

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