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  1. #31
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    You're not worthless. Has he said or done anything to make you believe he's genuinely sorry and does want to work it out?
    I know you'd like to move past this, but in doing that please don't forget you deserve a partner that enriches your life, not one that stresses or upsets you. If he's said he wants to work on things...he needs to actually work on things. Talk, open a dialogue, even just sit down with you in silence if he doesn't know what to say yet. But if you feel ignored or undervalued, it's not good enough on his part.

    Maybe you both need time, but don't lose yourself trying to keep him.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopeful1986 View Post
    Maybe you both need time, but don't lose yourself trying to keep him.
    This is exactly what im worried about. I feel like i am sucking up to him in a way..yet he doesnt deserve that at all! He is hot and cold. He will hug me if i ask and will kiss me on the head awkwardly but nothing else.

    Its only so fresh and i know that i need to give it time but its so hard. Right now all i can think is that i would be better off without him here. He will talk to me and its hit or miss. Sometimes hes lovely and then others he snaps.

    Im thinking i may need to ask him to go stay somewhere else and he can make the effort to take me out and visit etc. Being at home together is just so stifling. I feel like i want to run away when it comes to his home time.

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    Skyler  (29-06-2015)

  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    This is exactly what im worried about. I feel like i am sucking up to him in a way..yet he doesnt deserve that at all! He is hot and cold. He will hug me if i ask and will kiss me on the head awkwardly but nothing else.

    Its only so fresh and i know that i need to give it time but its so hard. Right now all i can think is that i would be better off without him here. He will talk to me and its hit or miss. Sometimes hes lovely and then others he snaps.

    Im thinking i may need to ask him to go stay somewhere else and he can make the effort to take me out and visit etc. Being at home together is just so stifling. I feel like i want to run away when it comes to his home time.
    I think that would probably be good for both of you. It's hard to have a clear head when the person who muddles it up is around you constantly. And it's harder to decide what you really want. You've managed without him physically around for this long. Don't underestimate your own strength. Maybe part of your self care right now is choosing to not have him around.

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  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    This is exactly what im worried about. I feel like i am sucking up to him in a way..yet he doesnt deserve that at all! He is hot and cold. He will hug me if i ask and will kiss me on the head awkwardly but nothing else.

    Its only so fresh and i know that i need to give it time but its so hard. Right now all i can think is that i would be better off without him here. He will talk to me and its hit or miss. Sometimes hes lovely and then others he snaps.

    Im thinking i may need to ask him to go stay somewhere else and he can make the effort to take me out and visit etc. Being at home together is just so stifling. I feel like i want to run away when it comes to his home time.
    Wow, he's not really being very reassuring is he. Sorry, but one would think that if he's majorly stuffed up, he would be doing everything to try and win you back. I would be wondering what his wishes are for the future, with hot and cold behaviour like that.

    I think some space would be good, so you can do some thinking and then work out the next step.

    Good luck OP, I'm sorry you are going through this.

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Im thinking i may need to ask him to go stay somewhere else and he can make the effort to take me out and visit etc. Being at home together is just so stifling. I feel like i want to run away when it comes to his home time.
    I think this would be a good idea. In fact, after what you've described I want to go over there and kick him out for you! I'd ask him to move out, and then if he's serious about wanting to build the relationship he'll have to put in some effort and actually show it.

    Although, to be honest, if he's getting snappy with you already then it doesn't bode well for the future. I know you said you don't want to hear 'leave him' but right now you really do seem overwhelmingly too good for him and he doesn't deserve you.

    I'd ask him to move out, and then hold off on making decisions about the relationship until after you've seen the counsellor/psychologist.

    Big, big hugs.

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  11. #36
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    Can you go stay with family for a while? Do u have other support?

    I really think you need to look for another option other than him as a back up (eg birth partner etc). I hope you don't take this as offense. I don't find him trustworthy.

    When my ex broke my trust he bent over backwards. He booked the counselling, he bought flowers, he wrote letters he did this and that. He tried everything. It didn't change anything for me though. Those words were engraved in my mind. I had to check his phone. His Facebook. (Well MySpace back then). His internet history. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to think 24/7 about what could be going on. I wanted to be happy. To be free. You deserve to be happy. And by all means he might be dealing with things different. (As you might be too). and would just like you to have a great back up plan just incase you need it.

    His words don't sound sincere to me, they sound like he's sorry he got caught out and if he didn't he would be continuing what he was doing. hugs op.

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  13. #37
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    My heart breaks for you. What should be the happiest time of your life is now also one of the most heartbreaking.

    Love can win, but only if you're strong enough, he is sorry enough and there is enough love from both sides.

    My story - My Husband had an emotional affair 8 years ago. The s1ut he was speaking to was his Occupational Therapist and he in turn was helping her with her business (he's an Accountant). I came across an email that she had written him wanting to "meet up". It devastated me. I then searched their other emails and found so many emails with very personal details (about our marriage and her her marriage). He just didn't see it the way I did. He had no idea he was having an emotional affair. He was just "helping" her. But the end result is he cheated on me. Thankfully, he didn't have a physical affair with her. I totally believe him that he didn't. When I told him what I thought, how I felt and what was sure to happen if it continued, he stopped all contact with her. He saw how much hurt I was going through.

    For years I referred to her as a s1ut. She quite simply was because she was making a play for MY Husband. I told her in writing exactly how I felt and what I thought. I didn't want to see her. She'd been to my home. I had cooked for her. She knew our daughter. She knew our family.

    We could work through it because I knew that nothing physical had happened. I knew that he was incredibly sorry. I knew that it would never happen again. It wasn't easy. It took years to get over. It took years for me to be able to trust him again even though I knew it wouldn't happen again. I don't think I would have been able to stay with him had a physical affair happened or I had doubts whether it could happen again. If you can, I truly hope you are able to work through it and survive. If you do work through it, it will take YEARS before you can get past it. Don't expect it will be fixed in 6 months or a year or two years.

    This year I happened to google "the s1ut" and sure enough she has left her Husband and taken up with the personal trainer both she and my Husband were using (my Husband used to help him and his wife with their business too - my DH stopped helping him too in order to cut all ties with the s1ut). I told my Husband and he was shocked. She indeed broke up another marriage. He finally realised what kind of person she is and how I could see it. (He used to get mad at me for referring to her as the s1ut).

    Good luck. I hope you achieve the happiness you and your Son both deserve; whether it is with your finance, on your own or with someone else.

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  15. #38
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    Well, thats it. I caught him speaking to her again so i told him to leave. He has officially packed his things and moved out. Im devastated but i cannot stand the hurt anymore :'(

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    Skyler  (29-06-2015)

  17. #39
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    I am so sorry he has done this to you.
    You deserve the world. Have you got support around you?

  18. #40
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    Sending you love and strength. So sorry he has done this to you x


 

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