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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I just never thought i was so gullible
    You weren't gullible! You trusted him, which is 100% appropriate for partners. He is the one who acted inappropriately and reprehensibly. He is the one who should be questioning his attitude and actions.

    In your position I would be really struggling with the things he is saying. Saying he felt single, he wasn't sure if he wanted to break it off, you need to be able to move on etc etc. While its good that he's being honest (now), I would also want to be hearing genuine remorse and understanding for how he's hurt you and done the wrong thing and how he plans to change in the future. If he felt detached and single last time he was deployed, how does he plan to react next deployment? How will he work on keeping the spark and connection alive? That's what I would be wanting to hear from him if I was to even think of staying and rebuilding a relationship.

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  3. #22
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    I'm sorry this has happened. Please see a counsellor and talk it through. I'm an ex military wife and we had a lot of issues and DCO were so helpful. Not sure where u are posted but feel free to pm me if you need to. Xx

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I just never thought i was so gullible
    You are most certainly not gullible. Just a woman who expected her partner and father of her unborn child would stay faithful to her and had trust in that. This is his fault, not yours.

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I dont know. I honestly think he was going to ride it out at home until he figured if things got better with us after bubs comes and then either left or stayed.

    Things were never going to be good with him talking to her as his mind was elsewhere and he knows that. He told me they were best friends and thats why they talked so much, but i knew something was up.

    He also said last night he doesnt know if it was necessarily her or if he just felt so detached from home and reality that it might have ended up being someone else...hes basically felt single for a year.
    So sorry that you're going through this. Definitely contact DCO and get a social worker organised. If you're not already, get your counselling through vvcs that way everything can stay out of work and off your medical file..

    That last sentence really stood out for me.. Personally I think that is such a cop out!

    Having been through deployments, moving and constantly away from my hubby I can guarantee you if someone wants to make it work they never feel like they are single. It's important you seek help from people who knows the ins and outs of defence life it's a unique environment. Look after yourself first and foremost and feel free to pm for anything x

  8. #25
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    i agree with going through VVCS.. I see a psychologist fortnightly through them and she has helped me immensly...

  9. #26
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    I just want to wrap you up and protect you from further hurt. I can't imagine what you're going through.
    In answer to your questions, I have a few thoughts...

    - things are rarely black and white. Especially in love.
    - love is individual. What works for you guys won't necessarily be the same as for others.
    - love and relationships can be fluid. Ebbs and flows. Rarely does it stay exactly the same.
    - yes love can come back. If both genuinely want it to and work towards that.
    My question though is what is he doing to make this up to you? To apologise? To make right? You have to decide if him sticking around is enough for you.

    Sorry if I'm repeating others comments. I haven't read them all.

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    I don't know the answer to your question but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this turn of events.

    Please put yourself first and focus on the coming months with you and bub. If you haven't done so yet, please inform family and friends and get support from people who love and care for you. His feelings can wait, this time is too important and the most important thing he can do is whatever you need him to. Don't allow him to pressure you for any answers and try not to pressure yourself either.

    Big

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  13. #28
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    Big big hugs! You've been given some great advice so I'm not sure I could add another perspective or anything constructive. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope that you make the decision that's best for you and your baby. oxo

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    How are you going today?

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopeful1986 View Post
    How are you going today?
    Not great, im angry and hurt..and at the same time i just want him to walk in and kiss me and everything be ok.

    He wont kiss me or anything. I just feel so worthless


 

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