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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    The guy obviously respects her and wants to pursue a relationship with her. Good on him for being honest. Genital Herpes is more common than people realise - estimated at least 10% of the population have it. Often the first outbreak can be the worst and it can be very very painful. The virus can be managed with antiviral medications but obviously not cured, same as oral herpes (cold sores).
    If your friend really likes this guy then I would suggest she visits a specialist STI clinic (with or without him) to discuss prevention strategies, the likelihood of contracting HSV when he is non-symptomatic and the possibility of contracting it while using condoms (they reduce but don't eliminate the risk).
    It's a tough call as if she contracts HSV then they break up she will find herself in the position he is in. If he seems like a definite keeper I'd be holding off the sexual activity for some time and visiting the STI clinic for more info.
    Really tough conundrum here! I haven't been in this position so I'm not sure which way I'd go with the decision. Would probably depend on where I was at in life and how lovely the guy in question was and a bunch of other things. One of those situations where a crystal ball would come in mighty handy
    This.

    If it were my friend I would advise her to arm herself with as much information as possible before making a decision one way or the other. See a specialist, read as much as she can, make sure that his guy is "the one" before she enters into a sexual relationship with him.

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  3. #12
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    Such a tricky situation isn't it! I do not envy her at all. He said he understands is she no longer wants to persue a relationship with him & that just broke my heart for both of them

    He really is a nice guy & thats what I've been saying to her.

    I've said 'put it this way, most guys wouldn't tell you & would just risk it, and you probably would have ended up contacting it anyway. This guy owned up to it so there was no nasty suprises, probably in hope that you'd respect his honesty & see past it"

    her response was "thats easy for you to say, you're not the one going to catch it"

    Check & mate.

  4. #13
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    I am blown away by this man's honesty, good on him.

    I wouldn't be able to pursue a relationship though. If it went ahead, got serious, she contracted it, and for some reason they split... she would then be in his position for life.

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  6. #14
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    I think it's great that he was honest. I think her best bet is to go speak to a health professional and get a realistic idea of whether or not she can protect herself. I have always been under the impression that it is only contagious during an active flare up, but I'm not a doctor.

  7. #15
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    I don't think I would continue the relationship myself. I suppose it depends how hard I had fallen.... I really don't think I've ever fallen for a man that hard that it wouldn't matter to me though. I am married, and obviously if my husband had a health issue that effected me negatively in some way, well we would work thorugh it, because he's my husband and the father of my children! But yeah.. if I wasn't tied to a man and he dropped that bombshell, pretty sure I'd be moving on. I feel terrible for the guy though

  8. #16
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    Does anyone know what the risks are, the long term effects when you have herpes?

    I'd need ALL the facts, what impact it could have in my life. You then weigh it up.

    In a funny way he actually sounds like a keeper. Disclosing that upfront is really honourable.

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  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Personally I think you know within a couple of weeks/months whether someone is the one.

    If I felt he was the one I would keep going with the relationship despite the herpes. if not I would move on.
    I think I agree with this. I only say I think because I'm not the one in the situation.

    It's a virus(eta: with some nasty symptoms). Not a pleasant one, nor would the flare ups be pleasant. But, if he seemed like the one and depending on how the relationship was progressing then I might risk it. Safely of course and with Dr advice.

    I don't think it would be a deal breaker for me.

  11. #18
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    What a hard decision for your friend. Can she pursue the relationship for a little while with no sexual contact to see how she feels about him? From a quick google search herpes is much less contagious when there are no active lesions, but there is still a small chance of contracting it. So basically if they were together for life there is a possibility she would end up catching it at some stage. God what a hard situation and personally I don't think I could continue a relationship as I've heard some people can have multiple outbreaks a year and they are really painful (in saying that, some people might only have an outbreak every couple of years)
    I feel for him and your friend as he sounds lovely!

  12. #19
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    I think its important to remember that it is manageable with daily medication too. And just like cold sores, flare ups become less and less frequent. If he is that open about his sexual status id guess he has had it for a while, therefore would be managing it with the appropriate medications and preventatives.

  13. #20
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    What a great guy for telling her. Apparently 1 in 8 aussie adults have herpes, many don't even know it. So many people would be sleeping or have slept with someone who has it. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me - you just need to take some extra precautions during a flare up. How many people do you know who get cold sores? They can give you genital herpes, yet somehow cold sores seem more socially acceptable than cold sores on the genitals (both are herpes and both are interchangeable).

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