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  1. #11
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    I'm definitely the maternal type but am happy with our DD. Even if we'd been able to conceive her naturally and easily, it still wouldn't make any difference to how I (we) feel.

    Just because I love kids and always have, doesn't mean I want a tribe of them around me Everyone's different though. Other posters have given great advice, but I think if you and your DP are going to continue to "butt heads" so to speak, about this issue, a professional "referee" in the form of a counsellor is probably what's going to be needed.

    I think I'd be saying to my DP if I were in your shoes that "right at this very moment in time, I do not want another child and can't see myself ever wanting another child as I'm happy with things as they are. However, I'm willing to revisit the issue with you in 6 months/12 months time (agree on a timeframe together) and we can go from there. Until then, I don't want to talk about it at all etc as all it does it make me feel pressured etc".

    If you feel differently after that time, that's great, but if you still feel the same way, then you and in particular, he, is going to have to find a way to learn to accept that's how you feel. What anyone else thinks/feels/says is totally irrelevant IMO as it's a personal decision between you and your DP.

    1 child families are becoming more and more common for many reasons in this day and age. The way you raise your child is what shapes them, not whether they have siblings or not!!

    Having another child because you think you should or you feel pressured to from your DP/family/friends etc is going to be far more detrimental to you, the relationship between you and your partner and your current child then choosing not to IMO.

    I wish you and your family the very best of luck with this

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  3. #12
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    I to believe it's totally up to you and your DP to decide what's right for your family! I was so happy with our DD1 and our little family, and could have definitely stayed that way and been content for the rest of my life but we didn't, as an only child myself I did decide to give our DD1 a sibling.

    For me it came down to this... As great a childhood as I had with amazing parents, it was tough going through teenage years with no one to talk to when you were in trouble with your parents, it got quite lonely. But it's harder now to be an only child, as my parents get older and have health scares etc I don't have a sibling to share that load and pressure with, it's something i envy about my DH as he and his brother juggle things together when one of his parents are unwell. I get very bad anxiety when I think about of something happens to my parents.

    I don't want you to think I am pushing an agenda here just thought you might like to here someone's experience as an only child. It's just my experience and the way I feel, not speaking for ALL the only children out there just me.

    We have 2 girls 2 years apart and I love them equally and couldn't imagine live without them. But as someone who suffers with anxiety preparing for DD2 was tough and scary but am super happy we had her, but like I said I would be just as happy if it was still just DD1.

    I am sure you will do what's best for your family.

  4. #13
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    I don't have any personal experience as I would love to have more than one, but I can tell you that I know plenty of kids with no siblings who have turned out to be wonderful teenagers/adults. I also know kids from families of 5-7 kids who are total ferals. The number of siblings someone has doesn't determine the kind of person they will be. Don't let other people's opinions affect such an important decision.

    Of course, if you're husband is wanting more you will need to sit down and have a serious chat with him about it. Hopefully you will work it out

  5. #14
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    Big hugs to you! I don't think I can offer any better advice than anyone here has but just wanted to say I totally understand. You cannot 'make' yourself want another one, and I know everyone is different but I personally would never have another child for any reason other than I wanted to and felt ready. I don't believe in having another child to give an existing child a sibling or just to make your partner happy. Yes there are downsides to being an only child. But there are downsides to life no matter what your family situation. Not all siblings will get along. You can't have another one just for that reason imo.

    I am totally happy with my 3 year old DD. I am 100% certain she will be my only and I've always been very comfortable with that. I was 'lucky' in the sense that I found myself single almost immediately after her birth so for the first 2 years of her life I avoided those questions. I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel that pressure from others Since repartnering it has started for me a bit but I'm not too fussed. everyone's situation is different. We are so happy the way we are. I love the closeness we share, the fact that I will be able to afford so much more for DD than if I had more kids. I come from a big family where my parents struggled to cope financially & we missed out on a lot. There are reasons people stop at 2 children or stop at 3 children that all come back to personal circumstances but no one questions those! It's really hard.

    Please talk to your partner and be firm. Calm but firm. He needs to listen to you and respect you. It's not fair to put expectations on you or ask you to predict how you will feel in the future. You may change your mind, it's possible. But how you feel right now is perfectly ok!

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJugs3 View Post
    Only child - dilemma !?

    So our daughter turned 2 a month ago, and of course the questions are rolling in,

    'So, when's the next one coming? '
    "She needs a play mate now!"
    "Better get cracking, you don't want to leave it too long!"

    And I thought by now, I would just be ready and wanting another child.....

    But whenever I think of doing it all over again, I am overcome with fear and dread.

    Yes I did have severe post natal depression, but aside from that, I'm just super happy with how things are now. I've never felt so happy, we have a great life and a great balance.


    It's not because of the birth, but because I'm just very content, very happy, and not one ounce of me craves another baby.
    It's sad but I am not as maternal as I thought I would be.

    And whenever my partner is hinting to 'start trying' and making comments such as "but you'll be pregnant by then!" when we are planning things in the very near future, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I can't explain it.

    I really need to talk to someone. I don't know where to start, or where to go.

    Partner definitely wants another one. And wants one now.....
    Hugs.

    You really need to open up to your partner. He needs to where you are at. Having another baby isn't something that you do because it's expected.
    Your feelings are valid. Don't get pressured into having another baby if you don't want to or aren't ready too.

    There is no set time where you need to have a baby. If you decide you do want later than that fine if you don't that's fine too. There is nothing wrong big age gaps. My first baby was a only child for 6 years before I had my second child.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama of 1 View Post
    I to believe it's totally up to you and your DP to decide what's right for your family! I was so happy with our DD1 and our little family, and could have definitely stayed that way and been content for the rest of my life but we didn't, as an only child myself I did decide to give our DD1 a sibling.

    For me it came down to this... As great a childhood as I had with amazing parents, it was tough going through teenage years with no one to talk to when you were in trouble with your parents, it got quite lonely. But it's harder now to be an only child, as my parents get older and have health scares etc I don't have a sibling to share that load and pressure with, it's something i envy about my DH as he and his brother juggle things together when one of his parents are unwell. I get very bad anxiety when I think about of something happens to my parents.

    I don't want you to think I am pushing an agenda here just thought you might like to here someone's experience as an only child. It's just my experience and the way I feel, not speaking for ALL the only children out there just me.

    We have 2 girls 2 years apart and I love them equally and couldn't imagine live without them. But as someone who suffers with anxiety preparing for DD2 was tough and scary but am super happy we had her, but like I said I would be just as happy if it was still just DD1.

    I am sure you will do what's best for your family.
    I have an experience to share. I grew up with a brother. We were never close, we never spoke to each other when we were in trouble. We fought when we were little, we had our own lives as teenagers and then adults. Now we occasionally chat on text and talk at family events. Even since having kids it's not like he's helping us with the kids. We don't dislike each other but we aren't close. Just because you have a sibling, doesn't mean you will be close.

    What I'm saying OP is, don't just think about doing it for your DD, do what works for you a and your DH as you can't predict what relationship they will have.

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJugs3 View Post
    Only child - dilemma !?

    So our daughter turned 2 a month ago, and of course the questions are rolling in,

    'So, when's the next one coming? '
    "She needs a play mate now!"
    "Better get cracking, you don't want to leave it too long!"

    And I thought by now, I would just be ready and wanting another child.....

    But whenever I think of doing it all over again, I am overcome with fear and dread.

    Yes I did have severe post natal depression, but aside from that, I'm just super happy with how things are now. I've never felt so happy, we have a great life and a great balance.


    It's not because of the birth, but because I'm just very content, very happy, and not one ounce of me craves another baby.
    It's sad but I am not as maternal as I thought I would be.

    And whenever my partner is hinting to 'start trying' and making comments such as "but you'll be pregnant by then!" when we are planning things in the very near future, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I can't explain it.

    I really need to talk to someone. I don't know where to start, or where to go.

    Partner definitely wants another one. And wants one now.....
    Me me me. This is me. We are actually seeing a psychologist to talk things through. (Well worth it). We have decided to ttc for 2 years and if nothing happens (took 13 months with dd) then that is that. I'm not going through any kind of fertility assistance. It's the compromise that has worked for us.

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    MummaJugs3  (22-06-2015)

  11. #18
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    Oh, and I have 4 younger siblings. I speak to one of them (the oldest of the 4) and it's the one I HATED growing up. Literally, we despised each other. I loved the other 3 to bits but they were much younger and now they are becoming adults I dislike the people they are. Having a sibling doesn't mean your child will like said sibling.

  12. #19
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    Thankyou so much for all your advice and kind words! Feeling a million times better knowing I'm not alone
    I love this forum ... Xx

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    A-Squared  (22-06-2015),amcyus  (23-06-2015),LaDiDah  (23-06-2015)


 

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