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  1. #21
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    I think it is an incredible gift to give to somebody but I would be incredibly hurt if DH did this without me being comfortable/on board with it. And to be completely honest I don't think I could be on board or comfortable with it. It would be interesting to know if most donors are in relationships & have completed their families or are single.

    Has he spoken to you about why he's wanting to donate for? I read something before about him possibly wanting a son? Even if he had further children there's no guarantees they'll be boys & may all be girls. Is he happy having no involvement with the child's life? I'm just thinking if I was the recipient I wouldn't want to have to involve the donor.

    You also mentioned another counselling session coming up soon for you both as part of the process? If you're uncomfortable with it all, I'd voice my concerns about it all then. Give you a chance to get it all out with how you're feeling etc.

    Have you had a chance to sit down with him & tell him how it is all making you feel? I hope after he realises how it is affecting you that he wouldn't go through with it. It's not fair on you or your relationship if he's not listening to how this all affecting you. I hope it all works out.

  2. #22
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    These are not the right reasons to donate, are you both being honest in the donor counseling sessions?

    I would be shocked if he was allowed to proceed with those reasonings 😁

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chooky79 View Post
    These are not the right reasons to donate, are you both being honest in the donor counseling sessions?

    I would be shocked if he was allowed to proceed with those reasonings ������
    Exactly.
    I feel for to OP. your DH's motivation seems all wrong. He wants a son! Does he realise it will not legally be his son? And the child may never want to meet him.

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  6. #24
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    Oh goodness, yes, he does realise that he may never get to meet anyone, and he is fine with that. Yes, I think he also appreciates that not just only boys may be born. He is very clear that it would not be ‘his’ child – just thinks it would be something good to do. Sorry if I made that all come out wrong before and wasn’t concise enough in my explanation.

    I shall be speaking with him more about this, and hope he can realise that it is not just an act of donation, but that it has a very real emotional impact on me – and our marriage.

    Thank you for all of your responses ladies.

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  8. #25
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    When I read the title and your op i was coming to say that I thought he was an amazing person for wanting to give another family or families the gift of parenthood. But then I read further.

    His intentions aren't noble, they're selfish. He is wanting to do this for egotistical reasons and that just isn't right. This needs to be brought to the attention of the counselor as I highly doubt that he would be able to proceed if these are in fact his reasons.

    My dh and I have discussed donation. We are both going to look into donating sperm and eggs once we have finished our family. We feel incredibly blessed to be parents and want to pass on this blessing to others. If those were the reasons that your dh was wanting to donate I would have replied with something along the lines of "get behind him and support his decision" but I am understanding your pov and wouldn't be supporting him either.

    Sent from my GT-I9507 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by mellymelly View Post
    I think he really would have liked a boy. He says that he couldn't have asked me to go through another pregnancy as he felt the births were too traumatic, and thought over the years there might have been an accident. He says he thinks it would be a 'cool' thing to do, something for him, and that in years to come hemay get to meet a biological son. He says to me he doesn't need more daughters. It all sounds egotistical to me. He is aware of how uncomfortable I am with all of this. To me (ad I know this really isn't the case) i just liken it to having children with someone else. That is probably my ego getting in the way there.
    no it's not your ego. his reasons are entirely selfish. I think any person would be as flabbergasted and hurt as you're feeling. I'm actually just shocked.

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  12. #27
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    Sorry OP, and this may sound selfish/harsh whatever, but for me, this situation would be a deal breaker.

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  14. #28
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    I'm kind of stuck on the 'he doesn't need more daughters'. I'm sorry OP but it does sound like something of a mid life crisis, and it does sound egotistical rather than altruistic.

    Can he see your side of things at all? Emotionally, I would struggle if my husband wanted to do this.

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  16. #29
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    My heart hurts for you. I would feel so betrayed and hurt if I were you too. I find it sad that a husband could be so dismissive of his wife's very valid feelings.

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  18. #30
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    Did he say why he wants to do this? You don't do something like this out of the blue.


 

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