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  1. #11
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    I'm not sure he has the "right" intention behind wanting to donate.

    I don't know, it seems weird to do it so that one day you may get to meet "your" children. I believe if you donate you really need to look at it as if you were donating blood etc.

    Given what you told us I would ask him not to go ahead with this. Or at a minimum have extra counseling session where you open up and explain your reservations.

  2. #12
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    What the hell is he thinking! Wanting a son is no reason to donate!!
    Sounds to me he needs some serious counselling.

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  4. #13
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    His reasoning is not right at all!!! I think that if he doesnt mention that part at counselling then you need to.

    You need to try and have a serious talk with him. He does realise donors have no parental rights?? Yes depending on your state the child can choose to make contact at a certain age. But he is still just a donor - he has the tools needed to create a life. That's it! And that's how it will be explained to the child. The recipient wont be saying "you have a dad out there". !

    I hope you somehow can get through to him.

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  6. #14
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    I agree donation is a great thing and I would encourage my DH to do it, however your husband is doing it for the wrong reasons and that would definitely upset me. Was this bit about him hoping to have a biological son raised during the counselling session? It should be.

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  8. #15
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    My DH also wants to donate sperm one day but it shouldn't be about wanting to have more offspring of your own. This is something we have discussed extensively, and the reason they require spouses to be involved in the counselling (among other things) is to assess the impact it's going to have on you both as a couple, which is fair enough given you a may both potentially meet those people who are the result of his donation one day - they will have his DNA and will likely look like him, and his (and your) children. It's a huge decision for you both.

    You say you hoped the counsellor could "see" how uncomfortable you were; but it's not their job to try and interpret passive signals in the absence of any other verbal cues, did you actually SAY anything?? Thats your golden opportunity to speak up and be heard! If you're feeling so hurt and concerned about this, you NEED to speak up, before it's too late.

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  10. #16
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    Look I'm a donor recipient so clearly biased. I think donating to help other people experience the joy of parenthood is wonderful. But wanting to donate because you want a son is just weird!! There's a good chance this child may never even know they are donor created (it relies on the honesty of the parents to declare it on birth certificate), or they may just never want to meet their biological father.

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  12. #17
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    I'm with PP. You lost me at 'he wants to one day meet a biological son'. I don't think he is donating for the right reasons. I can't help but feel he is trying to father a son with someone else, skip all of the 'hard' parenting years, and jump in for the fun stuff when the child is older.

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  14. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by mellymelly View Post
    He says he thinks it would be a 'cool' thing to do, something for him, and that in years to come hemay get to meet a biological son. He says to me he doesn't need more daughters.
    This changes everything I said previously. This is not the right reason to donate and is a recipients worst nightmare.

    If he hasn't mentioned this to the counsellor then you really need to.

    While I think we need more donors in the world, these aren't the ones we need.

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  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerryDelicious View Post
    I'm with PP. You lost me at 'he wants to one day meet a biological son'. I don't think he is donating for the right reasons. I can't help but feel he is trying to father a son with someone else, skip all of the 'hard' parenting years, and jump in for the fun stuff when the child is older.
    This exactly! It needs to be said the reasons why he wants to donate and that you are 100% against it and just hammer that home to the counsellor.

    Plus I'm pretty sure gender selection isn't legal in Australia so there's no guarantee he will have a boy anyway? Someone can correct me if I'm wrong.

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  18. #20
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    I would not support my dh wanting to have a child to someone else which basically is your partners intention whichever way you look at it.

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