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  1. #661
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    Yes mrsmac what you are going through is too awful.
    I think Tuxcat's words are sensible. I've done it too, rushed into a cycle to heal the pain of a previous cycle/miscarriage and when that next one fails it compounds the pain rather than healing you. When your body and mind needs a break it just needs a break regardless of the body clock. Please take care. I feel your pain too in regards to a potentially childless future, that's where I am likely heading. We can't kid ourselves and say 'it will happen' because we don't know whether it will. I have cried tears about nobody being at my funeral when I am older. Especially on Saturday night in hospital when the lady in the bed next to me who had the same operation as me had her 4 kids visiting her.
    Just a tidbit for you, my FS WILL do pgd on non icsi embryos even though most clinics will not do it. His name is Prof Mar.k Bow.man at Genea Sydney.

    Tuxcat thanks for sharing the slacker outfit ideas, love it. Ironically I am a big clothes shopper but right now can't be bothered wearing any of it!! (only trackies or pj's will do with 4 abdominal incision sites!) Lol.

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  3. #662
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    @mrsmac123 I'm sad for you too Luv Big hugs for you...

    I agree with everything @tuxcat and @Skyler has said Luv. I understand your need to want to keep going asap as the alternative is to stop and you don't sound quite ready to do that just yet.

    However, your frostie is going nowhere and I think it would be a good idea to wait another Cycle just to get your hormones back on an even keel (I don't think they would transfer or do a stim Cycle while you still have HCG in your system??) and give your head/heart and body a little time to grieve and to heal.

    It might also be a good opportunity to discuss with your DH just how far you're both willing/able to go. By that I mean would he be open to you both doing a few more stim Cycles if God forbid, the frostie doesn't get you over the line?? Would he be open to the option of using a DE?? (why couldn't his sperm fertilise a DE via ICSI??) I think @leyshoja and @Bongley could give you a rough guesstimate of prices if you were to find an egg donor here in Australia or if you went overseas to a Clinic just so you could weigh that option up and see if it's feesable even if you had to save up for 6 months for eg which would then give you some breathing space to get your health back in order etc while you were saving??

    I know you don't feel strong and that no doubt you just want to curl up in a ball sometimes and just fall to pieces and that's totally understandable Luv but you know what?? You are strong and you do have courage because here you are in the midst of your loss and heartbreak trying to find a way to go on!! Your spirit is still determined after everything you've just been through to keep trying to get your sticky BFP!!

    I also think it's vitally important at this time to keep going to see your counsellor/Psychologist to talk this all through with them. What your options are, what timeframe you and your DH are willing to put on this TTC journey etc, etc as they can help you to put everything into perspective and come up with a clear plan of action while finding that place to draw the line in the sand if needs be.

    The work situation, as hard as it will be to "put on a happy face" may provide some kind of distraction that you need while you're working through everything Luv, so it may not be as bad as you think it's going to be when you go back IYKWIM??

    I wish I could give you the answers or wave a magic wand and make it all go away etc, but all I can do is to send much love, hugs and healing your way and prayers to the Universe that you and DH find a way to go on and get your take home baby one way or another asap!!!
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 14-07-2015 at 15:34.

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  5. #663
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    @Skyler very interesting you mention the testing of non ICSI'd embryos as I SPECIFICALLY asked the nurse was this standard as in Australia wide or just within your parent company she told me it was standard!!! australia wide! man I am peeved...not mentioning names...I am in the low cost clinic which is a subsidiary of a higher one that does the lot...I would have needed to send the embryo to them for testing and then have them transfer it should it have been able to be tested...as I was also asking if should I find your parent company to expensive for the PGD testing would you please "post" it to the place of my liking...since I thought someone had mentioned recently $750 I suspected this would be in Victoria...not in Queensland...but the problem being having it shipped all over the countryside...now she specifically said to me...NO they cannot be tested unless ICSI'd and said its somethign to do with the sperm coating...yadda yadda *eyes glazed over* and I took her word for it...mind you she was the nurse that was talking down to me for being a tad negative...hah...no reason for that in my experience...ya know..if you are not positive it just won't work..yuh yuh...ok sarcasm now as I am kinda peeved that you have just told me this...well...not you per see but that perhaps she has told me either an answer she was not sure of...or lied... and this is MY FUTURE...

    As for DH sperm and a DE...well I have been thinking deeply about it as I am almost at the stage of...I DONT CARE JUST GIVE ME A BABY....I have said before have not had the conversation with DH as he has only just apparently come on board with the OE thing...even though the other night I was telling him about the testing answer and got the distinct feeling that he did not want to talk about it...now...ever? YET? He doesnt have the burn ya know....back to the sperm..as I have been thinking about it and SA and I do have a younger sister age 22 (however I think I prefer SA)...in my research about DS about 80% or more of the time it is the egg that causes DS but it can be the sperm...he has not got the most brilliant sperm but mind you we have not had to ICSI...morphology is not good etc but he has a high count so apparently that makes up for it...he drinks a lot and will not stop it...and well hes on the downhill run to 48 so I keep hearing that more and more they are believing men to have similar issues with aging as women despite the men that have children in their 70s...I tend to think that if you have a billion sperm...one will be ok when it comes to chance...though I have also read that young eggs can compensate for problems in the older sperm...older eggs cannot...just my problem is if I am going to go down the DE route with a $13000 cycle...I want to be sure that sperm is a good one!!!

    One question is...by the time you go via SA vs donor at home...does it work out cheaper? VS complications of having your sister as your donor? I kind of feel like I would rather someone a million miles away...or I am thinking about it wrong...gee I havent even mentioned it to my sister its not something easy to bring up

    As far as waiting for another cycle...my head whirls about it...in some respects I want to just throw out the frostie and walk away...in other respects...it can wait there for 10 years I know that...the problem is that yes the clock is ticking...its whether I let it sit there and keep doing more fresh cycles asap while I can so much time has been wasted I think my clinic wont even let me continue once I turn 43 (then if another disaster happens the frostie is in question again as I get more worn out) and also...your uterus etc are meant to be great after a D & C...as for waiting for hormones to return to normal...I dont believe I would get a period and therefore the ok to start until my hormones were low enough for me to ovulate anyway.

    The problem with all of it is...I am in limbo with my life...though I do not know what else I would be doing I am working jobs that I dont want to do and really get me down but that I know I can just take time off when I need to IVF and I just cannot make decisions about anything...like I want to sell our house and move but I dont feel like I can cope with any of that kind of thing...thats as big of a deal as doing IVF in my life...i only move once every 10 years heh

    I will be seeing my psychologist again in a week or so. I find it very difficult to talk about it all as I have been scarce on here even as I just find it easier to not bring up the subject...the only way I am speaking now is I had to tell one of my jobs about it so that they would understand why I was being so weird...they knew I was doing IVF I just had not told them about my NEXT disaster...it is very hard to talk about and not mention the real meaning of...I was pregnant...I LOST THE BABY...the BABY DIED...I kind of stutter and stammer it doesn't do him justice...or us the true heartbreak of it
    Last edited by mrsmac123; 14-07-2015 at 15:24.

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  7. #664
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    @mrsmac123 I'm so sorry, I can hear the heartbreak in your words. I understand you not wanting to be doing any small talk and distractions like shopping etc, you've been through a huge trauma and you can't just spring back to normal as blonde says this would be a good time to see a counselor so you can really vent to someone else who understands and will listen properly. Family and friends just don't get it sometimes, or they don't know how to handle it or what to say.
    I think an egg donor IVF cycle here in aus costs a bit more than a normal cycle as there are more meds to either sync you up with the donor or do an FET, so it depends on the clinic. The donors costs depend on travel costs and how much time off work they will need, so the more local, the cheaper. My clinic has only needed my donor in once so far as they could do everything else over the phone or using skype. PGD at genea is $750 per embryo capped at $3500.
    Its all so much money I know

    I hope that helps

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  9. #665
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    Hmm I wonder if that clinic would even send it to where I wanted them to....first impression is they would only send to their parent company...and even if they sent it to Melbourne (genea is Melbourne?)...they will not transfer it for me after testing I would have to go to Melbourne or something...sheesh...I can see myself like the crazy Helena in Orphan Black carrying around my own embryo in a chamber thing

    I think with regard to my sister being a donor..I have always thought perhaps I watch too many movies...that one day she would want her baby back...or that how do you tell the child they came from their auntie's..(you know...who lives down the road)...egg...but I read an article recently about a daughter that gave her eggs to her mother and that it was the greatest gift of nothing but love they could give and they all lived happily ever after and it was not wierd at all...she is the only person I know that has eggs the right age
    Last edited by mrsmac123; 14-07-2015 at 15:53.

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  11. #666
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    mrsmac the standard line is that they won't pgd if embies are not icsi because of sperm contamination and I don't think your nurse was lying but she just does not have the knowledge. She would be just spouting the company line. My FS will do it because he is the boss of Genea and he can over rule anyone even the embryologists who say no you can't do it. My original Genea clinic in newcastle won't do it. It's just that MB would pull strings to do it coz icsi embies are not as strong as naturally fert ones. icsi can damage the eggs and I have had an egg lyse on icsi, that's why I started to question icsi and found someone who will pgd without icsi should I ever cycle again. Mind you MB is twice as expensive for a consultation that my first FS even though it's the same company. MB also told me, which is cold comfort for you I know, that the most likely thing to happen is a non implantation rather than a chromosomally abnormal embie implanting. So sorry that it has happened to you. And I really hope you can find your way through this somehow.

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  13. #667
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    Sheesh wtf are daughters donating eggs to their mothers for? Can understand sister to sister or even mother to daughter. I don't care if I get shot down here for being judgemental but why the eff is any woman who has a daughter of child bearing age, wanting more children herself? I think it's selfish like that silly old git in europe recently who got pregnant with DE quads. Do some ppl have an addiction to having babies or something.

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  15. #668
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    Totally agree @Skyler😊

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  17. #669
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    ahahh...I can't remember why as at the time wasnt even interested in their relationship to each other I was more interested in how they all co-existed and justified it and psyched it out ya know...the psyche part of it all....I think it was because the mother's DH was not the daughters father...LOL got it?? and he had no kids...she wanted him to have a child...so the daughter was UTD with the Step Fathers child (it ended up being twins btw if I recall correctly to put icing on the cake)

    so yeh maybe the daughter had the babies...gee I wasnt expecting you to focus so much on that but the gift of love...lol

    now my head hurts even more
    Last edited by mrsmac123; 14-07-2015 at 16:21.

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  19. #670
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    lol I cant get my head around that!

    theres quite a lot of scary scenarios happening due to IVF technology, like all the surrogacy stuff in Asia. It sends chills down my spine - it just seems to be all about what the parents want and no consideration for the children in the equation. Really really wrong. As much as Im desperate to have a child, its not at any cost.

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