@midnite01 Great result Luv!!😊
Keeping everything crossed they all fertilise!!😊
Take it easy @ rest up Luv😊
@Skyler haha no I had to go and have bloods and pick up my drugs this morn so it was good that the sun was out!! It was hard to get up tho!! My outfit is not great- comfy but not stylish and my hair needs washing! Im going to have to put some rules down with getting dressed/washing hair! My trick with leaving the house but without much effort is a winter coat over the top of comfy/bad outfit - and leggings with my long boots so it looks like I'm dressed but i couldn't possibly take the coat off! I used to throw my big long coat over my pjs when I lived in Edinburgh as the convenience store was underneath my apartment and id have to go and get my brekky supplies. I figured nobody knew me. bad habits die hard!! Keep that kitty close and the purrs will take your mind off your pains- that and take some drugs
Gorgeous day today here - if its nice at yours you should lay outside and get some vitamin d
Hey @midnite01 thats a great number! Rest up too and enjoy the rest. FX you get great fertilisation
Thanks guys. Just want to say I love my fs he pops in after my epu and says hi and even anesthetist popped in afterwards to make sure im ok.
Great result midnite, keeping it all crossed.
I'm thinking of Poas on Saturday! I'll pick up some sticks after the blood test, so I know before the phone call. Reason is I want to put off any disappointment, I can be in blissful ignorance till then. Also with my history of miscarriages and chemicals I want to be sure there is a line that should stay.
If I buy stocks before then I'd be sure to use them.
@midnite01 great numbers gal, good luck for tomorrows fert report. I hope those eggs and sperm are partying on down.
@Luckyme1 yes, what DPO are you? best of luck for saturday
@Skyler & @tuxcat get dressed, its after 12 you slackers (hope you get better skyler xx)
@BlondeinBrisvegas on no , hope your little one has stopped spewing!
I have been home from Noosa since Thursday. I did not last long as I got more and more miserable and homesick. Mum and my sister both have the gift of the gab and in the end it just drove me insane. I just could not sit there talking and listening to mundane stuff I just wanted to scream, I felt more like being at home alone and near my DH at least when he was home from work and doggy. I felt terrible and mean to mum and my sister and got more and more histerical so I said just take me home. They tried to take me shopping and looking at trinkets and things but I wanted to throw them...pointless crap.
Trying to get through all this I have been grasping at anything that might help me figure out what future I have how to go on...I feel like I have none, I have noone to remember me when I die it will be like I never existed..what is the point going to work or doing anything I can't take it with me when I am dead. I am stressing about going back to work so we can eat though.. I cannot keep this up for too long as we cannot afford it but I cant imagine how to spend a whole day fake smiling and pretending I could care about anything.
I called the IVF clinic to get an idea on how long they would require me to wait before I can potentially do a fresh cycle or FET as I understand all clinics seem to have different timeframes. I thought perhaps this might help me decide what to do. It is totally up to me if I want to quit or not but I feel so lost as I want to desperately quit so I can get on with my life (and then what???) somhow but I just can't face the consequences...no baby...ever...ever...ever...how do you just accept that? I keep thinking what if its the next time. Then I think..how ridiculous.... it is JUST NOT GOING TO WORK give yourself a break!...I am almost 43 I dont even think we could use DH sperm for donor eggs either. I am going to end up ruining our marriage, our finances, my body and most of all my mind. Anyway surprisingly the clinic said...once next period comes I can go for it again...which is good? news? Except that my weight is going to let me down as my BMI is up over 35 again and having a real lot of trouble caring about it so it means its going to be however long it takes me to get my weight down before I can start again...43rd birthday here I come. Further, I asked them about testing the frostie...as I don't ever want to go through this ever again and they told me they cannot test it as it was not an ICSI fertilisation they can only test the ICSI ones so basically, I need to grit my teeth and do it again...also if I want to do a cycle in the future where I want to have it tested I cannot do it at that clinic I need to go to a full cost clinic which I cannot afford...problem with me is always been getting the embryo to not be ectopic...not the getting pregnant part so I havnt needed to tweak things other than doses of gonal f as I have aged. The nurse said to me also to think that the frostie has DS too is completely the wrong way to look at things...I just kind of wanted to say to her...FFS!!! HOW DO YOU KNOW it still has a 1 in 38 chance...people keep telling me NOT TO THINK LIKE THAT BUT THEN IT HAPPENS....she also agreed that quite probably I will have it transferred and it will just die like most others do...which is kind of my expectation just an anticlimax...then she went on to say what we all hear when we try to decide when to give up...when you stop producing eggs...and I keep producing...my AMH was over 10 about a year ago I think...last cycle was 5 eggs...5 fertilised...2 transfer 1 frostie, 2 did not make it to blast...as my cycles go.. 5 is the most eggs but on highest gonal f dose...most seem to fertilise about half make it to transfer...and 2 pregnancies in 4 transfers...one...after methotrexate...had 1 egg only it fertilised but did not make to transfer
Anyway I am ok if I am distracted even though the inside is constantly aching...the minute I think about it I start sobbing. Physically it has not been too bad...I stopped bleeding pink for a day, then started with brown bleeding and cramps again yesterday and felt wierd so was worried I was getting an infection but seem to be ok again today. I think my hormones are in a state...and I am in a state and feel so sorry for myself and when I see my boobs returning to normal but lots of breast pains...its almost like he never existed..then I remember what happened to us...what shouldn't happen to anyone...the doctor said to me I should not get any milk I was like...errr wasnt expecting it anyway...but I have had a little bit of milky fluid which is quite shocking
People keep saying to me every time something goes wrong...you are so strong... I would be a mess and I wouldnt be able to do it...I say...I am a bloody mess a real mess...and really...how do you know you would not be able to do it? Look at my alternative? Accept it accept it full stop no child...I cannot? Or I am too scared to just face it and get over it...I wish someone would tell me how to
Last edited by mrsmac123; 14-07-2015 at 13:25.
@mrsmac123 oh Im so sad for you and just want to reach out and hug you. I can only imagine the pain of all this but I do understand all your fears about never having a child as I too have them. I also get the "its never going to work" thing as I feel that too, I feel like Im just going through more cycles so I don't have any regrets that I stopped too early. i don't know the answer to any of it, we all have different struggles and I know how the "your so strong" thing seems stupid, Ive said it to people myself - what choice do you have.
It seems as though it would be good for you to have a break before trying again, so maybe your weight issue could be something to focus on whilst giving yourself some time out from any more cycles. Emotionally theres a lot to get through still and all those fears are so strong right now that it sounds like you really need some time out. I know the clock is ticking, we all have that, but it may not be smart to put your body through a fresh cycle until you've had some time to move on a little and get back to normal hormonally etc. I don't know the answer but sometimes giving yourself some time out to heal is a good idea. Ive rushed cycles in before with disastrous results so quite often its not worth it anyway.
Can you get some more counselling also?
Sending you massive hugs, Im so sorry this has happened to you. xxx
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