@Luckyme1 so sorry to hear of your chemical
It's good to hear your point of view and you said it very sensitively.
I hope we get some good news on this thread soon
Mrsmac, so sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you have answers soon. vent as much as you need to. hugs
Luckyme, sorry to hear about your chemical too I was getting excited for you
Bongley, good news about your donor and appointment. August will be here before you know it
AFM, had the nursing appt today and when we checked the dates, it turned out I can start the meds on monday (long down reg cycle this time). and even the blood test is before our previously-postponed-multiple-times long weekend trip to cairns at the end of the month. I thought the first meds were going to be more needles but it's a tablet & nasal spray so I think these should be ok (new meds/cycle type for me this time). I hope I respond well to these meds. DP is usually laid back about it all, but last week he was saying how much he wants/has to have a kid, so I felt bad too that I haven't been able to have one. I hope the bub was listening and chooses now to arrive.
hi to everyone
@Corbes thanks for your comments, I asked my FS at the start of my last cycle when do I stop, as I have been feeling the drag of my life being on hold as I have been in this holding pattern with work etc I cannot hold down a normal job while trying to do IVF personally and well...DH having to put up with so much and financially and just...wanting to accept and move on...he said to me...as long as you are producing eggs is what he tells people...but yes as you say...he is in the business of making money from your old eggs. Us women are so resilient when it comes to back to back cycling after BFNs and bad news, I am already thinking the other way about frostie there ...
thankyou wonderful people for your wonderful words. I am feeling ok today, I think I am getting over the shock and my detaching is working well, all family and friends have kept their distance so other than here I have not had to deal with other pple too much. Thats the way I want it, I just cant be bothered dealing with people not knowing whats the right thing to say but saying something flippantly or offering them comfort for their shock. I have been through this now for the 7th time, I just tell myself, I have done it before I can do it again though never so far along and never had to endure this far along. Just when I find it difficult really is when I think of hubby and when I think of IT as my SON and when I think of the downright unfairness of it all. Usual story through a friend of a friend of a young woman 23 who got herself pregnant accidently? by not using protection with her boyfriend that she has been with for 2 months and shes all giggly and stupid and all the boyfriend wants her to do is shutup about being pregnant and go out and drink. YES yes she can have a baby.
I guess I was thinking that we could not be so unlucky again subconsciously, but then I remember thinking the same thing last time when I had to use methotrexate because of suspected ectopic even though I have no tubes left!!!
@Luckyme1 I understand how you feel as I have thought a lot about it, however, before this happened we were definately sure of our choice from the start. One of the main reasons I have been so sure is because my husband, as I have said, did not want children, the last thing he would want is one with potential complications if we can help it...he already felt my longing for a child was going to destroy us somhow. He feels he is old to be starting a family too...47 now. I know a lot are much older but thats his personal feelings from being someone who has been dragged into it. Now that it has happened, I have faltered a bit out of desparation to have a child, a bit because of how he has been so devastated by this outcome, but he assures me he has not changed. We feel that while some children may be OK, SOME are not and there is no way to gauge how good or how miserable their lives will be based on how it all manifests? I have read that people who have children with DS find they are healthier than the children without. I am not sure this is the norm or that it will last throughout their lives as they do not generally live as long. Parenthood and growing up is difficult.... I feel like it will be much more so...FOR THEM...because I want to be clear, we are interested in the child's potential life...not our own selfishness...there is no way of knowing and I do not want to gamble...knowing how things turn out for me...
@Bongley if I had the money I would do the PGD...not only does it save you so much trauma and I remember as soon as I am pregnant I feel trauma let alone what happens...it is also the TIME that is "wasted". By the time this has panned out I will be at least 13 weeks I reckon and that was why I chose the Verifi test as its the soonest you can get SOME indication of the chromosomes to find out what is going on there is no sooner way to tell I dont think which is 10 weeks...even the CVS this doctor says 12 weeks is soonest he will do so that is the soonest you can START to accept what is happening...add stim cycle to that, pill for a week or 2, body/mind recovering after not sure about any of this yet and then if I want to have another go I will have to get my weight back down before clinic will let me in..it could be almost 6 months?? After I rupture though I was back into it in less than 2 months such is the biological clock. We just do not have the money to do the PGD so its roulette and now..really thats the turnoff...do PGD is always going to be my recommendation when I think of what it costs in dollars it saves so much more in other respects. I woud have wanted this before I had a T21 outcome
With regard to CVS I did read it can be done a bit earlier but my research turned me off it based on the fact that the needle going into placenta is so big and so close to the tiny thing...at 11 weeks even fetus is still only 4.5 cm or something in size...a needle hitting even a foot of a baby that size would cause deformity which really are small odds but enough that I did not want to chance it? It also has a slightly higher MC rate depending what you read and gives slightly less information than amnio so was going to wait...now...odds of T21 are MUCH higher than all of the above now so it is irrelevant to me really now
@Leisylou thankyou for your lovely words. HE has been wonderful, doctor gave him Zoloft and something for me? temazepam to help me sleep...did not think docs could do that but anyway apparently he was a nice guy and very concerned about our tragedy.... Anyway I just cannot bring myself to take it, I did a bit of Dr Googling and I did find a few cases of women being prescribed it but a lot of things saying...do not take while pregnant...so i just cant...I have rebelled and had a cup of coffee this morning which I have been avoiding but thats the kind of thing that is just BS to me now...it wont make a difference to anything
Last edited by mrsmac123; 20-06-2015 at 08:47.
One more thing I wanted to say with regard to DH, it seems like I am never happy with him, talking about his disinterest, indifference and coldness during the first 3 cycles...I remember yelling at him about being the only woman on EPU day that had no husband there to pick her up or even wait for her turn...ie he gave sperm at 6.30 which I rushed to the clinic in my cleavage so he could go to work and then had to arrange for my sister to pick me up...who had a phobia about driving in the traffic...it was embarrassing and scary especially havin to sign the form where I know that you can have bowel perforations etc with no Next of Kin in the waiting room for me..at my clinic there is no aneasthetic for EPU either...you get 1 x valium and panadeine...i also yelled at him that cycle when he said...ohh...you do 2 injections...and I was like....WHAT??? this is my 3rd cycle and you only just now notice? TYPICAL!....its because I had pulled away from him after the carrying on about money wasting and such ...I had started off telling him everything...to telling him only when I needed his sperm....really that made him forget as he was the one that did my injections in the first cycle as I was unable to inject myself lol...which seems funny now...I started pulling away from him that first cycle on EPU day when he totally blew his stack on the night before EPU about what crap this was and that it was gong to fail and it was a waste of time and we would end up divorced and his embarrassment at providing a sample and just general BS that I didn't need when dealing with my first EPU unknown. I mean...the men have to go through so much giving sperm on that one day!!
Now this opposite reaction that has shaken me up...I feel a little bit like...I am so confused by it I am sure it is just shock that the odds went against us...I think 1 in 60 or 50 for downs at 42...though it might be aged at birth which would make me 43 ...that is what I feel shock I guess...at seeing the words...its like...when I wake up for a split second I thought...was that a dream caused by anxiety...uhh nope tis true?...but I Feel so much love for him that he let my dream in and he let the baby in and now truly understands how devastating it is to me but he did not protect himself as I thought he was I guess he is new at it...he told me this morning that it was the heartbeat that got him invested probably because of my reaction that I got there first time ever but I thoght of it more like...ok thats an important but fantastic step...lets move on...and he said he thought that he had it under control ....and he is happy for me to use the frostie but he wont make the same mistake
I told him last night I was so so sorry for doing this to him...he said..OH MY GOD...stop worrying about me!!!!!
@mrsmac123 this IVF stuff really does make our relationships hard, that's for sure. It's a terribly hard situation you are in right now and the sooner you have a result one way or the other, the better. The distancing yourself and acceptance is my coping mechanism too. If it all turns out ok then happy day, but if it's ultimately going to be over, you've done most of your grieving already.
And you're right the odds really are low. It's from the date of conception. I remember how unlucky I felt having only just turned 41 having a downs. Typical of my luck. Then 5 donor egg embies which provided me with 1 m/c and 4 negatives... I keep wondering when I'm finally going to get lucky.
I tell you what, if I come back from Cape Town next month with ANOTHER bfn, I am going to be so filthy.
Enough about me. You are both in my thoughts - I haven't been on BH that much lately but I'm really feeling for you and want to know that you two are getting through this.
MrsMac123 OMG I am so sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts are with you. Be gentle with yourself & DH. If you do decide to terminate please do talk to someone before and after....NOT so they can change your decision, you do what is right for your family,but to get out in the open some anger unfairness sadness. For me it was an emotionally brutal as well as physically confronting process xxx
@BlondeinBrisvegas thank you for your kind words, and thank you too for all your love, support and guidance for mrsmac123 over the last 24 hours - you are an amazing woman. Very interesting that you went on thyroid meds too, and increased your dose in pregnancy - that was one thing that I was always worried about because I know low thyroid leads to miscarriage, but my meds were never changed in my previous pregnancies even though I asked about it. At least this time it's pretty clear, so hopefully if there is a bubba burrowing in about now, I've caught it early enough.
I had my blood tests this morning and because the universe likes providing interesting synchronicities, the lady who took my blood had two children through IVF. She tried for years naturally, then it took sixteen months of continuous cycles to get her first, and then two years of continuous to get her second. She just said DON'T GIVE UP! She found it very, very hard and said she lost track of how many miscarriages she had, but she didn't give up. She said as long as you are making eggs, there is hope, so keep going. That was encouraging and I'm sure that message wasn't just for me, but for everyone on this thread - thank you universe for putting that particular nurse in the clinic this morning
@Bongley I am so excited for you and rapt that the appointment went well and that you liked your donor and have a really solid plan in place. I was really happy about the PGD now being $750 per embryo - if I get to the point of having a couple of embryos I would definitely do that now - big difference between $4K for two embryos or $1500, I'm glad they bought that in. It is definitely one more step towards a better outcome. And thank you too, for saying that I'm not ordinary My DH is not so shallow that looks are a big thing for him (although I know he loves an athletic physique, which I used to have ), and he tells me all the time about how much he values everything that we have together - so it's only in my own head (and usually only when I'm really down about not having a child) that I feel inadequate and unattractive. Most of the time I'm not so hard on myself!
@leyshoja I had to laugh at your comment about wondering how you snagged your DH, lol - I think you must be selling yourself short as well! I saw that fancy dress photo and you are smokin' girl!! So hoping SA is the answer for you guys and you get that healthy BFP very soon!
@Luckyme1 so sorry about the chem, such a cruel twist to get your hopes up and then dash them again. Great that you are feeling positive about the next step and I have everything crossed this is the lucky one for you.
@winsor, glad to hear that you're back on track and ready to go after all the drama that you've been through. That long program seems to have a better success rate for us over 40s so I hope it the one that does the trick for you.
@Corbes sorry about your BFN as well, but good that you're getting started on a new cycle straight away. Interesting that you have Hashi's as well. I did have it, but managed to reverse the antibodies, so they are fine now, but I still have hypothyroidism which sucks. I hear you about feeling like a serial killer on the meds! I told DH when he got home last night that I was feeling fragile and really snappy, I warned him up front. And then I did snap a couple of times and instead of being understanding he got the sh*ts with me!!! WTF?? Thanks for the support. I told him I'd jab him full of hormones and see how he feels.
@mrsmac123 so glad you and your DH are communicating. I think sometimes they distance themselves as a means of protecting themselves early on and they quite often feel useless anyway, so they just leave us to it. But that must have been hard doing EPU without him there. He is there for you now, so that is brilliant, and he will have more of an understanding about what you've been going through now that he's become more invested in it all. I hope you guys get closer from this, and find an even deeper level of love and appreciation for each other as you keep journeying towards your child.
@Emerald26 that is comforting to know that there was a reason for your miscarriage that, unfortunately, is a fairly common thing when having babies in our 40s. At least you can keep going knowing that your body was fine, but the little one wasn't meant to be.
@Skyler how are you going hon?
Well I'm over my snappy fit, and it's a beautiful day, so maybe I'll go and make up with DH and we'll do something nice together
Last edited by Summer; 20-06-2015 at 10:37.
I know there are threads dedicated to DE and I know it has been discussed here but its hard to search hundreds of posts to just get an idea how much and where to start. I am interested in SA so can someone who is pending or just been give me an idea of overall cost inc flights and accomodation...fairly recent so prices are comparable...and which clinics are the go etc? Or if there is a post/blog where the info is available?
Capetown fertility clinic is who we are using and ababySA for a donor but there are heaps of donor clinics. @emski72 gave me heaps of info and I'm happy to pass on more info if you want it. Forum is called 'egg donation SA' I'll see if I can post a link
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