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  1. #131
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    @BlondeinBrisvegas I cancelled my appointment with GP since I did not need a referral from her to see Dr Carmody and there is really nothing to talk about at this stage except maybe some medication for myself but I just dont feel comfortable taking anyones word for anything other than Panadol anyway...I know this ship has probably sailed but I just want to make sure that when the time comes my conscience is clear right up to the end...at this stage

    Yes for my DH i am just finding it disturbing because hes often my rock that squeezes my hand and tells me it will be OK and I (selfishlybut usually through grief) do not need to provide comfort which I am finding difficult now that I need to provide this as not sure of my strength and what he needs and I am trying to close off so I need him to "recover" with me to deal with what is to come...whch I guess is the idea of the doctor visit for him to be able to deal with the CVS and the real grieving

    and my failsafe...ie because he did not want kids...he did not care that I cannot give them to him so I was not left feeling inadequate and worried he would realise what hes missing and leave me..maybe irrational but when we met I had given up on the idea of TTC and he was perfect because he did not care. IT was me having a crisis at 40 that started all this...and because he is NOW starting to be interested when I am pretty much ready to give up and face facts...remembering I still have a frostie though
    Last edited by mrsmac123; 19-06-2015 at 17:40.

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  3. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsmac123 View Post
    Yes for my DH i am just finding it disturbing because hes often my rock that squeezes my hand and tells me it will be OK and I (selfishlybut usually through grief) do not need to provide comfort which I am finding difficult now that I need to provide this as not sure of my strength and what he needs and I am trying to close off so I need him to "recover" with me to deal with what is to come...whch I guess is the idea of the doctor visit for him to be able to deal with the CVS and the real grieving

    and my failsafe...ie because he did not want kids...he did not care that I cannot give them to him so I was not left feeling inadequate and worried he would realise what hes missing and leave me..maybe irrational but when we met I had given up on the idea of TTC and he was perfect because he did not care. IT was me having a crisis at 40 that started all this...and because he is NOW starting to be interested when I am pretty much ready to give up and face facts...remembering I still have a frostie though
    @mrsmac123 I totally understand the emotions you are going through and they are very normal. It is a positive thing that DH has gone to seek some help and it means that he is invested in this, just like you are. That is a good thing. I know what you mean about your DH being a rock, mine has always been that for me, but with my last loss, he was shattered and totally withdrew - which meant that for about five days he gave me the silent treatment, no speaking, no hugs, no words of support - just silence. That was his way of coping which really sucked. I had to go through the grief pretty much on my own.

    Your DH is still your rock, he is just a rock that needs some support. I'm sure he will be there for you and you will be there for him and you will get through this together. I understand the safety in the thought that if he didn't want kids, then if you do have them it is a bonus, but if you don't then it's not that big a deal to him - I really get that. But no matter what, you are not inadequate, he is not going to leave because of the difficulties you are going through, and you will face this together. Trying to have a family is a very hard thing to do in your 40's - I don't think many understand just how heart-breaking it can be. I have some of the same fears - my hubby is a real hottie and I'm kinda ordinary - so I worry that he'll leave for a model in her 20s who can give him all the babies that he wants... And he's already had two children, so how inadequate am I when I can't give him one?

    Try not to overthink it right now. It's just one foot in front of the other and getting through each day. Try not to think about all the what ifs of the future, you are in a state of shock and grief and now is not the time to be making big decisions or questioning what is next with regards to your frostie or future cycles. Make sure you just keep reaching out for help and see a counselor to sort through your feelings if you can. I've always found mine to be incredibly supportive in these difficult times. Take care
    Last edited by Summer; 19-06-2015 at 18:48.

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  5. #133
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    @mrsmac123 EXACTLY what @Leisylou has said Luv

    @Leisylou So beautifully expressed and written Luv as always And you are not inadequate or ordinary though I understand what you are trying to convey to Mrs Mac

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  7. #134
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    So much going on today in this thread.
    @mrsmac123 the story of how your DH showed little interest, to how he has been so upset by what has happened these past few days breaks my heart.....so I can only imagine how you are feeling. It is such a common thing for the men to be seemingly not interested and it's a shock to us ladies when it' becomes obvious that they do care very deeply indeed
    @Leisylou I'm sorry, I did have a chuckle over your 'I'm kinda ordinary' line. OF COURSE YOU AREN'T! It always amazes me when I meet a bunch of people and when you look at how physically attractive people are how quickly things change when you start talking. Within literally 10 minutes of talking to someone, everything changes. The most handsome man can be an arrogant **** (or just very boring) and the 'ordinary' guy in the corner is a confident, funny spunk. Don't sell yourself short, your DH didn't

    AFM the appointment went really well today, a few things came up that I wasn't expecting. My doc reckons we should do a natural frozen transfer as he thinks the outcomes are better than a medicated fresh or FET. Also, he offered us PGD testing as Genea now offer to do it $750 per embryo, capped at 4K. Which I think we will do. Especially after mrsmac's news which was swirling around my head all day. Anything that we can do to avoid trauma would be a good thing I think.

    So I don't think I will be having a transfer before august at this rate. All good things yadda yadda.....

    It was really lovely to catch up with my donor today too, we do have a lot in common and she is a real character

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  9. #135
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    @Bongley A very positive outcome indeed Luv!!

    Well, you might as well give the natural FET a whirl Luv especially in light of the fact he thinks it'll give you a better outcome

    I think PGD testing is the way to go if you can afford it for all the reasons you've outlined. We would've done it if we had the $ at the time. I know the wait seems like forever, but we're almost at July now!!

    Plus you'll have that peace of mind knowing you're emby/ies are Normal at transfer That's great that you and your donor get on so well too Luv

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  11. #136
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    All sounds positive @Bongley! I'm glad you and your donor really click.
    I too laughed at the 'ordinary' call @Leisylou. I feel the same about myself and always wonder how I got lucky enough to snag my DP. My looks are certainly not what I would go for if I was a guy, but hey, different strokes for different folks I guess. He seems to think I'm a bit of alright and that's all that matters. And personality is a huge factor in attraction too don't forget. It's all part of the package...

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  13. #137
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    Mrsmac I am sorry for the pain your husband and you are in. It's completely understandable to be mad at the world, the dreams you had are now gone. Don't focus on the frostie, different sperm and egg mean a different outcome. As Leisylou said to you and some wise women in this thread said to me a few weeks ago, the frostie is waiting and will be there when you are emotionally ready for it. I was ready to give up but I am now telling myself that my baby is coming to me, it is just having difficulty getting here. Sounds like it is the same for you.

    Bongley glad to hear the meeting went well and you get along with your donor. I don't know how long Genea take but my clinic take just over 2 weeks for the pgd results. That was another nervous wait.

    I received the genetic results of my last miscarriage and it had an extra chromosome. This has made me feel a bit more confident as I have an answer and not left wondering as to whether it was my body.

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  15. #138
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    I'm so sorry Mrsmac to hear about your difficult news. It must be so very upsetting and shocking

    I hope that the CVS gives you some definitive answers and I hope that you fluke it and the baby doesn't have downs

    We decided if we got pregnant with a downs child that we would keep it. This is my personal belief and I support whatever you choose to do with your pregnancy. We believe that downs children may not be perfect humans but are still beautiful people and can live healthy, fulfilling and loving lives and still be a joy in our life. There are a lot of advances now in our society to help downs people integrate well into our society.

    But saying this, I totally appreciate your choice to terminate the pregnancy if you choose to do so. But you do have a choice to not do it as well. A genetic counsellor would really help you and your husband come to that decision if the CVS comes up as positive for Downs.

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  17. #139
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    I really hope that I didn't offend anyone with my post. And I hope Mrsmac that some answers will come your way soon.

    Leisylou praying for a positive outcome for you. I hope the universe has brought your baby to you finally.

    AFM another chemical, period this morning and blood test confirmed my hormones are baseline for IVF. No pregnancy hormone was picked up.

    But when I threw the test away yesterday it had a definite line. I know it drys darker. So I guess i was preggers for a week.

    I feel ready for this cycle, happy this is happening so I can get it over and done with. I'm at peace with what ever happens as we are already truly blessed. I want to move on with my life whatever happens.

    Our next step if this doesn't work is permenant care or foster care. Baby dust everyone. I hope and pray all your wishes come true for everybody. C'mon children show yourselves..

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  19. #140
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    Bongley so pleased you clicked with your donor, and the doctor was great. So great to have more hope in your life.

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