+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Autistic husband support thread

    Mods can you move this if there is a better spot for it?

    I really need a place I can go to get support right now.
    My dh is Aspergers. He is an *** sometimes and just doesn't want to hear that his 2 boys are different to.
    I'm an fighting him to get both the boys diagnosed.
    I'm fighting him over so much more than that though.
    He can't stop taking me for granted. I don't ask much but when I do he storms off like I have insulted him.
    Like a child. Then I get comments about the awkward silence. I don't know what to say when he does that and not sound like a nagging witch.
    He always finds a way to take things wrong because it's not logical. No is emotional. I am emotional. He hates it because it is not a problem he can solve.
    He also tells me that my happiness shouldn't rely on him so much.

    I am sorry for the vent but I really need to know I'm not alone.

    Is there anybody else that can vent or offer support?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    7,242
    Thanks
    5,043
    Thanked
    3,637
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    1000 posts in a week500 Posts in a week
    750 Posts in a week400 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/2/15Busiest Member of the Week300 posts in a week
    No advice just sympathy. Same here. My DH has Asperger's, too. So far DS doesn't show any symptoms, knock on wood! DH seems to get worse when he's under stress and it doesn't help that his job requires lots of social interaction.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Apple iPhart6 For This Useful Post:

    Sookie Stackedhouse  (12-06-2015)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    653
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked
    56
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    OP you just wrote my life. Dh is undiagnosed but both boys are ASD. Now that I've tread that path I can see where they got it from. I feel your pain. I feel like I'm constantly under siege trying to keep everyone happy.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to mumoftwoboys2005 For This Useful Post:

    Sookie Stackedhouse  (12-06-2015)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thank you so much ladies.
    I am not alone! @mumoftwoboys2005
    Ds1 is Aspergers ds2 is sensory autistic. But they both get traits from dh.
    It is so hard to be the only one holding it all together. I really have a hard time dealing with every specialist and appointment for the boys. Dh doesn't want to know. He is sure there is nothing wrong as he is normal they must be to. Denial!

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Sookie Stackedhouse For This Useful Post:

    mumoftwoboys2005  (12-06-2015)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Did you know when you were dating your dh?
    I had no idea but now I look back I can see it.
    Would you have done anything different if you had known?
    Now I do love my dh. That will probably never change but I am not even a little bit in love any more.
    I don't even like being in the same bed. We are not even in the same room for longer than half an hour any more. I can't take it.
    He goes through stages. At the moment he is busy with work. So he has his "customer mask" on all day and I have to deal with the aftermath when he let's it go.
    I am over him treating everyone else nicely and patiently but not me or the boys.
    I am a person to. Does he get a pass on common sense and respect?
    How would you tell your dh he is being a childish ***?

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    7,242
    Thanks
    5,043
    Thanked
    3,637
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    1000 posts in a week500 Posts in a week
    750 Posts in a week400 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/2/15Busiest Member of the Week300 posts in a week

    Default Autistic husband support thread

    Please don't quote, I'll delete later.

    Yes, I knew. He told me he thought he had Asperger's and a couple of years ago he went and got diagnosed.

    I'm so, so sorry you're feeling this way. I would choose a time when your DH is in a good mood and discuss the way you're feeling. DH has gotten better in recent years but only through me highlighting his behavior. Even then, he still has moments when he will go off and not accept blame but mostly now he will apologise shortly after and accept that he's in the wrong.

    When he was diagnosed, the psych told him that there's no "cure" and the best thing he could do is work on his social skills. The thought of a lifetime of social interactions was so overwhelming that he tried to commit suicide. Luckily it didn't work and I didn't even find out for about 18 months afterward. It was pretty bad.

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Oh Hun. Thank you for sharing that. It's so hard to understand that feeling. How overwhelmed he gets by having to be around people. It is the same for dh. He is a very 'alone' kinda guy. But it wasn't until ds2 that it became a problem. Now the noise gets to much. Having to ask him for a break is to hard. He can't do it.
    As for talking to him. I have tried a few times. He refuses to get diagnosed. I have had to put my foot down with the boys but I can't with him. He would leave us rather than get diagnosed.

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    7,242
    Thanks
    5,043
    Thanked
    3,637
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    1000 posts in a week500 Posts in a week
    750 Posts in a week400 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/2/15Busiest Member of the Week300 posts in a week
    Honestly? There's nothing to be gained from a diagnosis for DH. Maybe if he's willing to get counseling to learn how to better his social skills and cope but given my experience, I really wouldn't push him to do it.

    We're working on things DH can do to get better control of his anger. One of the things I'm really encouraging is for him to simply walk out of the room when he's angry. The other day he threw a steak knife across the room because I'd accidentally handed him the dirty one (I'd used it while cooking and planned to use it myself). I simply can't have DS growing up and seeing him behave that way.

    We're also working on the warning signs for his outbursts. That particular day, he'd come home from work tired and had a headache. We need to try and recognise the mood he's in before something like this happens so he doesn't get to that breaking point.

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yes I agree with all of that. Counselling never helps. He just shuts down. I dragged him to marriage counselling. He didn't say a word the whole time.
    I have GOT to try and find his triggers. But all I end up doing is sending him to bed or out to his man cave. This last 2 weeks I have told him to stop trying to deal with ds1. He always gets so ****ed off and I have to go in and stop it before they both loose it.
    I must admit he gets angry at Ds1 but it's like he doesn't care enough to get angry at me.
    He walks away from me a lot. I think it is to stop himself getting angry but then I never know what has happened or how to help.

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    156
    Thanks
    115
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    9
    My DH is blessed with AS too.
    Will elaborate later.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Skye Baby For This Useful Post:

    Sookie Stackedhouse  (21-02-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Injections Support Thread #3
    By rj85 in forum Fertility Treatment
    Replies: 921
    Last Post: 08-12-2014, 15:32
  2. Clomid Support Thread # 15
    By Sally girl in forum Fertility Treatment
    Replies: 266
    Last Post: 11-10-2014, 09:24
  3. Clomid Support Thread # 14
    By nippy in forum Fertility Treatment
    Replies: 980
    Last Post: 21-07-2014, 09:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Baby Car Seats and Infant Car Restraints
Buying a baby car seat? Check out our 'go-to' links here!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!