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  1. #371
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    Hi girls. I've been stalking for a few days and catching up on the news. I think it's easy to feel like you're going a bit crazy with this infertility stuff so I completely understand the messed up feelings tigerlilly. I've just found out I'm going to be an Aunty for the first time at age 38. My brother has suffered almost two years of infertility but never had to opt for ivf thankfully. I'm so happy in one way and completely devastated in another. I couldn't manage to say congratulations on the phone without breaking down and I really can't see how I'll even deal with seeing my parents. Their joy will destroy me I'm sure. I feel so guilty for being sad all the time and everyone is so sick of me and my ivf stuff I know. I wish I wasn't like this either but it's like everyone thinks I just need to snap out of it and that its not that bad.

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  3. #372
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    I too have thought about going back on sertraline because im sick of always feeling sad. Its certainly nothing to be ashamed of as its a way of fixing another imbalance in your body and if it gets you in a better place mentally then that is great for everyone especially you ceasar i feel the same as you all the time and i get angry at myself for being so sad and angry. Luckily most of my friends and family have stopped having babies for now so i havent had to deal with any pregnancy announcements for a while. But you cant just snap out of it thats for sure, all you can do is try to do something little each day that makes you smile or feel good. Some days you wont be able to and thats ok. My sister has 2 beautiful children and i was very jealous when she told me about her pregnancies but when they were born i just loved them so much, i get to spoil them when i see them (they live overseas) and i know i am there favourite aunty!! You will be a great aunty. And my firends are sick of my ivf too but us girls on here are not so you will always have someone to vent to who understands what you are going through on this thread. Ivf consumes my every thought and breath and im getting so tired of it but hopefully one day we will have our own babies in our arms and wont have to think about ivf or fertility ever again!!!

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  5. #373
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    Thanks Charlie. I have been reading your posts and it gives me comfort to know I'm not alone really even though it feels very lonely most of the time.

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  7. #374
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    Default High Natural Killer Cells #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Caesardust View Post
    Hi girls. I've been stalking for a few days and catching up on the news. I think it's easy to feel like you're going a bit crazy with this infertility stuff so I completely understand the messed up feelings tigerlilly. I've just found out I'm going to be an Aunty for the first time at age 38. My brother has suffered almost two years of infertility but never had to opt for ivf thankfully. I'm so happy in one way and completely devastated in another. I couldn't manage to say congratulations on the phone without breaking down and I really can't see how I'll even deal with seeing my parents. Their joy will destroy me I'm sure. I feel so guilty for being sad all the time and everyone is so sick of me and my ivf stuff I know. I wish I wasn't like this either but it's like everyone thinks I just need to snap out of it and that its not that bad.

    Caesardust I know what you mean! I get this funny flip down deep in my tummy. I am an Aunty to 5 beautiful children. Two of which where born before we started trying then the other 3 boys in the last 2 years. Friends having to tell me their pregnant and not knowing how too breaks my heart also. It's the most horrible feeling of mixed emotions. You feel bad for them feeling bad but you too also feel bloody lousy as their will be another baby before you have your own so you have to buy the baby shower gifts and ask how they are because of course you care but Christ it feels so bad. I'm tearing up thinking about it. No matter how much they try to understand they can't and that's ok as long as they give you space to process. I am very very lucky with my friends and family. But I'm honest also. I had a friend who had a baby and then when they tried for the next one it took 6 months and she looked at me and said "now I know how you feel" I was completely honest and said no you don't there is absolutely no comparison. You haven't gone through IVF cycle after IVF cycle you have no idea of the emotional pain each time brings. She backed off then but it's a club of us who really know. It's hard and there is absolutely no way of knowing the emptiness of it without living it. You have to keep pushing on. I don't know what will help but for me as a yoga teacher I have found the simple distraction of focusing on the breath in and out of my nose helps. As simple as it may seem it works, it takes the edge of the pain, the thoughts and the reality of it.
    I'm on anti depressants and have been since my mother past away 6 years ago. I am thankful for them in my life and one day I know I will be off them but right now they keep me pushing on. Keep talking . We are all in this together xo
    Last edited by Jojosniss; 04-10-2015 at 13:43.

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  9. #375
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    Congratulations m/bertie, faith etc - I'm so happy to hear your pregnant!

    A lot of you won't know me,
    But I actually logged on as thought I should update you and share our good news that we too finally had success & our baby girl was born 10 weeks ago. It's so surreal & my life of Ttc is finally over, the meds the pain & heartache, the time warp we are all in trying so desperately to achieve our dreams of a positive pregnancy test, a hb at 6weeks, healthy scans, a smooth pregnancy & a healthy miracle baby at the end of it. I never thought it would happen, I just kept going through the motions & throwing more money & drugs at it (last cycle included zoladex as well as neupogen, Ivig, Dex, ab's etc)

    But finally it did, it happened!! A miracle and I wish you all the same, that you will find success too. This was our last attempt. How many times do we hear that...Well I ended up been one of those &
    I hope you all are too eventually 😊

    This forum and others were my life saver and without the help of everyone with their support and the beautiful caring friends I've made along the way, I couldn't have done it. Xx
    Last edited by sootymay; 05-10-2015 at 04:02.

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  11. #376
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    Hi girls,

    Wow, some successes on here. That bolsters the spirits a bit.

    I'm not sure if my Zoloft is already kicking in (only been 6 days) but yesterday I felt a case of the sads like nothing else. I couldn't stop thinking about my sister in law, and the fact that she was changing nappies and cleaning up spit up, while I'm changing cat litter boxes and cleaning up cat vomit off the couch. I didn't cry though. In fact, I was just......resigned to it? Today I am still thinking about it, but it's not as bad.

    So.....I have done my mental health plan with my GP but haven't made an appointment with the counsellor yet. I kind of want to wait until after I've been on Zoloft long enough to kick in, see if that helps with coping, and then also wait until I've done all my testing to see what Dr M has to say. I might book a counselling appointment for late Nov. Should have all results back by then.

    In other news I do have something to look forward to: my mother and step-father have shouted me and hubby return flights to the US for Christmas! I am embarrassed and feel selfish accepting but........I haven't been home in over years. Haven't been home for Christmas since 2007. My mother who is actually visiting us now, is absolutely giddy. My husband has never experienced a Christmas that's not stinking hot, so he's VERY excited. Hopefully it snows while we're there. I'm so grateful, but also apprehensive. Us seppos lose our minds at Chrissie and I'm going to be so confronted with babies and little ones. I might get a script for Xanax, or Valium as well as the Zoloft! I don't want to be Debbie Dower the whole time.

    Hope everyone is doing ok and making progress in some way, even if small steps.

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  13. #377
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    Tiger lily, great to hear life has a few more ups at the moment (even if it does involve cat vomit !).

    BUT book that first counselling session now. Pills won't solve the issue alone - think of Zoloft as the crutches and counselling as the treatment that fixes a broken leg.

    You said yourself going home to the US is going to be stressful and I am sorry to tell you that getting the blood tests no matter what they say will Also be stressful as they aren't a magic answer, just a starting point for the Dr. Do yourself a favour - You are much better to be well down the track of those 6 sessions not about to start in November. The trip home will be here before you know - so set yourself up to have a good one.

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  15. #378
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    Hi Guys, wondering if you are able to help me out with a bit of info on NK Cells.

    I have Coeliac Disease + Endometriosis, and have suffered a couple of MC over the past few years + been diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome after a couple of D&C's and subsequent infections associated with my first miscarriage which was a missed miscarriage.

    So, I'm wondering if anyone here knows of any link with NK Cells and other Auto immune diseases like Coeliac disease & Endo??

    I did ask my FS about testing as was concerned prior to starting IVF (he wasn't), then I fell pregnant naturally and miscarried in May this year. FS then advised that he would add clexane to my prescriptions, as should help avoid MC......first round of IVF and BFN with what was apparently an excellent 5 day hatching blast........so am back to wondering if I need to push harder for NK Cell testing prior to my FET in November?

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I think if it's rare/unusual and auto immune related I'm just lucky enough to have it!!

    TIA Ruby

  16. #379
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    Hi Ruby16

    I would def push to get tested. I have a rare autoimmune disease, not coeliacs but allergy related. I was told by numerous doctors it couldn't be causing my infertility and recurrent chem pregs but it turned out it was. It seems immune issues are not well understood and not all fs will test for them or even believe that they exist.

    My nk were fine, but they found raised ANA's which are problematic, so there are other things to look out for. I would def reccomend getting a full immune screen done before the FET...you dont want to potentially lose an embryo because of immune issues. even if it is clear you will probably feel better knowing you have bern tested and eliminated that potential problem

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  18. #380
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    Ruby, most FS's don't have a lot of indepth knowledge with immune issues. Dr M specialises in this area, you should contact him. He's in Sydney but a lot of us have phone consults with him if you live in another state.
    Dr Gamal Matthias, Sydney Reproductive Immunology.

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