Closed Thread
Page 32 of 94 FirstFirst ... 2230313233344282 ... LastLast
Results 311 to 320 of 937
  1. #311
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    86
    Thanks
    37
    Thanked
    32
    Reviews
    0
    Hi Tigerlilyi, it is very sad to read your post, but I want you know there is hope. I read this story before, This couple finally got their baby after 31 years of IVF. http://haveababy.com/fertility-infor...ally-avoidable

    of course, you don't have to wait for that long, I am sure you will get there soon. I would suggest you ask Dr M to run all the blood test he could do for you and your husband, because there are more immune things than Just NK. If you and hub have total ala match, then maybe you need donar sperm not donar egg ( just example http://haveababy.com/fertility-infor...dq-alpha-match). Don't rush in next IVF cycle until you had all possible blood test done first and then believe you will have the successful cycle when you starting it.

    Last Jun, I told myself I am not going to try any more, I will live with no child. But after 8 mth break from IVF, I started again, thank God for it, I am now 16 weeks preg. We are all have up and down on this journey, and we will all get there at end just may take little bit longer than others.
    Last edited by Littledragon 2013; 21-09-2015 at 23:45.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Littledragon 2013 For This Useful Post:

    Tanej78  (23-09-2015),tigerlilly9772  (22-09-2015)

  3. #312
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    143
    Thanks
    92
    Thanked
    144
    Reviews
    0
    Dearest Tigerlilly

    Firstly, I would like to send you the hugest hug in the world, I'm so sorry you have had such a rough time and I understand everything you are saying and feeling (and you have expressed yourself very beautifully in your post).

    I just wanted to say that there IS hope for you. I too used donor eggs, from 2 different donors and it took 5 implants to be successful... I know exactly how you feel when you talked about finding a black cat in a dark room that may or may not be there. After failure after failure, I felt I was in a jungle and couldn't find a clearing. I didn't know which path would lead me deeper into a mess and which would lead me out... if there even was a way out. But, I am sitting here now on my laptop at 5am with my 3 month old baby sleeping in the bedroom. Believe me when I say I NEVER thought I would be able to type those words. Even in the ****ty world of infertility forums (and I say that in the nicest possible way, for such forums have been my saving grace many a time when it felt like the world was against me)... I thought that success stories and miracles only happened to other people.

    I was like you and I wanted the kitchen sink approach to my next implantation attempt, or nothing at all. It's hard to say you will definitely get pregnant with Dr M, but I did with him the first round of immune treatments he put me on (and he absolutely will prescribe you the meds you need, they will be posted out to you). I was lucky in that my FS was willing to treat me for her side of things and let Dr M do his side of things. So in effect, you would be looked after by two specialists at the same time, they are just helping you with different things. Dr M gave me the full works and it did work for me, though it can take a couple of goes for a lot of girls too. I would suggest taking a bit of time to get all the tests run with Dr M that you need (and I know that's hard as you feel like you're running out of time, I was one month off 41 when I found out I was pregnant - it is not that old ) and then going for it. It sounds like the pain of not trying this approach outweighs the pain of learning to live without children. I am not here to give you false hope, as nobody can play God in this awful infertility business... But just to say that it can work for you. Don't lose hope.

    As a side note, I always had in my head that I would try surrogacy if my egg donation didn't work out. That's an expensive option, but it is an option. I belong to another forum too which deals with egg donation and surrogacy and I found heaps of support and info there.

    As others have said Dr M is a kind and lovely man (he speaks in almost a whisper though - turn your phone volume right up!) and does phone consultations, I did all of my dealings with him on the phone, except for the monthly intralipids when I would see him. Once I hooked up with him I felt I was on the right track, and I started to feel hope come back again. But before i saw him I was a mess like you - angry and verging on depression. Infertility is exhausting and cruel but please know that you are not alone. Far from it, there are more women suffering than is right. I don't know what lesson we are supposed to learn from this apart from 'sh*t happens' which is a bitter pill to swallow. There will always be a special place in my heart for women who struggle to have a baby, it is a lonely and sorrowful place to be in life, if I could invite you over for tea and chats I would (but we live in different states).

    Happy to answer any questions you have if you want to PM me too.

    XX
    Last edited by Legwarmer; 22-09-2015 at 05:09.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Legwarmer For This Useful Post:

    Tanej78  (23-09-2015),tigerlilly9772  (22-09-2015)

  5. #313
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    South Gippsland
    Posts
    34
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked
    13
    Reviews
    0
    Hi girls,

    yeah.......I'm in the middle of one pretty good pity party. I don't really want to be this way. I'd love to be able to find some hope to grab onto, some kind of foothold to use to climb out of this pit of despair. I PMd someone not long ago and said I haven't ever felt this kind of sad before. This is a tearless sad, and I feel like I'm under something heavy? Like, physically I feel weighed down. Usually after a failed cycle, I have a good cry, throw a tantrum, spit the dummy, or even break something just for the release, to get it all out, and then I manage to pick myself up and get on with it. Shaken but still able. This time? Just getting out of bed takes effort I can barely muster, and even breaking something holds no appeal. Sleeping and not waking up sounds good.....but I keep waking up and so I manage to get out of bed.....why I don't know. Actually I do....my mother is here visiting, and it have to entertain her. I mean she flew from the US (at my husbands bidding.....I didn't get consulted or any thing, I got told after the ticket was bought and she was packing......I have no idea what to do with her......I don't want to do anything to be honest.......).

    Im 43 so no longer using my eggs. I'm well aware of age related egg quality, and I see no point in throwing good money after bad there. So I'll never have a genetic child of my own. I am filled with more anger, resentment and bitterness towards every doctor I've even seen that played a hand in that. Even my current FS I'd like to throat punch......except I haven't the energy.
    But I've accepted the gift of a non-genetic but biological child (I believe that because I'd carry the baby it would be mine, biologically.....because it grew within and came into the world through my body......I personally do not subscribe to the thought that the donor is in any way its mother. The donor gave me an egg. It didn't have the potential to be anything at all until combined with sperm, in a Petri dish and then placed in my body).
    I am even open to donor embryos, and my FS placed us on the donor embryo waiting list at Monash. An average wait of 5-6 years.....for those who are lucky to get chosen.....I expect I'll be dead from grief before that comes through, but what can it hurt? I spend all my time waiting anyway.....might as well wait for more than one thing.

    A surrogate isn't an option for a few reasons, most of which are Australian bureaucratic related, and the rest is......personal. Haven't got my head around it......not sure if I even can/could. Even with my own eggs, but now we're using donor eggs.....right now, it's not a very unappealing option. Perhaps in time but right now......no.

    I have no real choice but to wait to do the FET. Because we simply do not have the funds to facilitate it. Like everyone in this sh** boat, we're broke. Hell, I'll be doing good to get the money together to cover the gap payments for the biopsy, phone consults with Dr M, and any treatments that Medicare and MediBank Private don't cover (we have the tip top cover, so you'd think between that and Medicare our out of pocket would be nil-minimal.....ha! What a joke.). I really don't know how we're going to swing this.......but I guess we'll find a way.

    That said.....no, I don't do anything for myself, really. Part of that is because of the money situation.....hobbies cost. Taking classes costs. We're broke......and all I can think is if I'm going to spend anything on non-bills and non-living expenses, it's going to be for this one thing I want far more than I want to learn a new and interesting but largely useless skill.
    The other part is......I simply feel no interest in anything anymore. Whether it's because I'm depressed, or because I've been so wrapped up in TTC for so long that I've forgotten how to function outside of that, I don't know. Maybe it's both.
    I've always worked, which was great for occupying large chunks of my time......but I was retrenched back in April, and haven't been able to find work since (we live in regional/rural Vic.....which is beautiful but there's not a lot of work around. Nobody's even hiring relief milkers, and that's never a good sign. I do the paperwork for my husbands fledgling business, and I assist him as a spotter and general run about......when he needs it (he frequently doesn't). So......I have a lot of time on my hands.
    And I spend a lot of time in my head, and please don't suggest meditation. I can not do it. I have tried and tried and tried, and meditation is something I'm simply unable to do. I do (well, I did) walk a lot, and the whole time I think about the situation. (Since we found out the DE cycle failed, I barely feel like showering and getting dressed......I haven't walked once since we got home).
    I hate going out because I'm confronted with visual reminders of what I want and can't achieve......how failed I am as a woman, wife and person.....of what my life is missing.....even before we went on our trip to Zlin, I avoided going anywhere, if at all possible. The shops, the post office, the servo, the occasional doctors appointment......that's pretty much the extent of my "going out"......and the shops and doctors surgery I have to steel myself ahead of time (lots of reminders there). It's even harder now.
    I find it hard/hurtful to be around people who've gone from childless to have child, not only because of the reminder but because we now have nothing at all in common. Infertility or TTC is no longer a relevant discussion point because they've moved on, and they have no time for all those frivolous things now. They talk about their motherhood experience and the baby, and I have nothing to offer in return. If I do feel I have something to offer, you get the look like, and what would YOU know? You don't even HAVE kids. And so you're relegated to the role of space filler and sounding board. So I just don't bother anymore. As soon as someone has their first, I don't quite cut ties, but I don't facilitate ongoing contact either. And of course because they've moved on, they now have a new hub to hang with and so they don't notice I'm not around. It's pretty reciprocal.

    I'm sorry.....I know my posts are a lot of whining and whinging and feeling sorry for myself, and this isn't the right thread....this is for HNKCs discussion, not being a crybaby. I know it could be worse. It always can be. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be worse. But like I always tell others who apologise for "whining" just because it could be worse doesn't make it less bad than it is. It's not a competition, and I of course am not trying to say I've got the saddest story ever told. I don't. I know that. I'm just.......I feel......lost and left behind, and the longer it goes the further I get from......happy. I just don't eel,like I'm ever going to be happy again. Because I can't imagine being childless and happy. Like I said, just not waking up again sounds really good right now.

    Alright. I have to go. I have to figure out something to do with my mother. Sigh.

  6. #314
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    735
    Thanks
    1,163
    Thanked
    1,322
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Tigerlilly, I agree with everything everyone else has said. I don't do meditation either. I suggest you ask your DH to give you more responsibilities/tasks in his business. You need to fill the empty times in your day, otherwise your mind runs out of control with dark thoughts.
    The book mentioned on here is well worth reading as knowledge is power.
    Having these blood tests will hopefully give you answers as to why you haven't been able to get pregnant.
    My FS sent me off to do immune testing, but I knew he didn't know much about this subject as a reason for not getting pregnant.
    I'd already wasted money on 9 cycles and I had to do them interstate due to my states legislation, which upped the cost considerably.
    So, when I found out I had immune issues I wasn't mucking around anymore and yes, depending on what treatment is required it can be expensive and complex, but I was doing it right.
    Being consulted by Dr M was an easy choice for me....An FS specialises in infertility, a reproductive immunoligist specialises in immune issues...as I've said recently, you wouldn't get an electrician out to fix your toilet! Age 44, 2.5yrs, 11 cycles, first cycle with Dr M's immune treatment I fell pregnant.
    Go with the best in Australia, Dr M... dont stuff around with FS's who have read a couple of books on immunology.
    Tell your FS you are seeing Dr M, he won't have to do anything except maybe do your intralipid treatment, but Dr M will send you all scripts and tests you require. You'll probably find he'll need more tests done than what your fs ordered.
    Having all these tests and waiting for appts maybe a blessing in disguise to have a short break.
    You will get out of this hole your stuck in, you just need to ride it out, telling yourself there is light at the end of the tunnel.
    Do something you used to do before IVF and find yourself again....All is not lost.
    PS. I wanted to sue 2 fs's at melb ivf because I had quite a few fruck ups and wasted cycles because of them, but decided for my own sanity I had to let it go...I'm still bitter but have learnt to let it go.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Miss Sagi For This Useful Post:

    Charlie74  (22-09-2015),skye76  (24-09-2015),tigerlilly9772  (23-09-2015)

  8. #315
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    735
    Thanks
    1,163
    Thanked
    1,322
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    PS. Bubbies are doing really well but will be in the special care unit for a few more weeks.

  9. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Miss Sagi For This Useful Post:

    Charlie74  (22-09-2015),francesthecat  (23-09-2015),skye76  (24-09-2015),Tanej78  (23-09-2015),tigerlilly9772  (23-09-2015)

  10. #316
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    117
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked
    65
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Jojosniss View Post
    Good Morning Ladies,

    i am am hoping for a little feed back. We have been doing IVF for over 3 years now. 5 failed attempts of full cycles with The Fertility Centre in Dandegong and then getting a second opinion with Dr Nick Lolatigis. He found that I have extremely high NK cells (due to so many failed attempts which IVF at Dandegong) along with my husband and I sharing the following genes 01:01 and 01:02. We found this out back in April and have been pretty broken by it since. Dr Nick as many of you know is brilliant however blunt (which I must admit I like unlike Dandegong who were completely unhelpful) so the news was delivered in his style and was a shock. To our very limited knowledge we can still do ivf with our own egg and sperm and I would receive my husbands blood through injections. I was just wondering if anyone on here has had such success with this treatment through Dr Nick?mi now he is the only one who do it in Vic and I strongly believe if anyone can get it work it's him I would love any feed back from anyone who has been in our position.
    We have decided to take the rest of the year off and start again next year but just gathering information for questions for Dr Nick.

    Thank you all
    Hello again Ladies,

    Sorry with our appointment 3 months away to see Dr Nick I have so many questions and maybe one of you lovely ladies can answer the main one.
    With our gene match does it look good or bad? In terms of the ivf working? I know no one can tell me straight up because not even Dr Nick can know that but all I see are these numbers and don't understand at all? You ladies seem so much more educated on this than me. Are all gene problems the same? So I might have different genes in common with my husband than you do with yours but are any combinations worse than others? I am still waiting on the book by Alan Beer to arrive but in mean time if someone can help educated me that would be awesome.

    Thank you lovelies

    Jo x

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Jojosniss For This Useful Post:

    tigerlilly9772  (23-09-2015)

  12. #317
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    South Gippsland
    Posts
    34
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked
    13
    Reviews
    0
    Hi jojosniss, same here. New to all this and drowning in befuddlement. I've just ordered Alan Beers book as well, and hopefully it will come within the fortnight. I'm a patient of Dr Nicks associate at Monash. Had plans on switching to Dr Nick, but decided to stick with mine for now (he IS lovely) and consult Dr M in Sydney about the test results and see what he reckons. If my FS even bats an eye he will be told to get over himself, as he could have saved us 9 months and another round of heartache if he'd been more openminded last Dec when I asked about immune stuff being a problem!!!!! Doctors....ugh.

    Hi girls,
    I'm still in a deep blue (blue-black, really) funk, but am trying really hard to climb out.

    Can anyone recommend a good counsellor/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist in the greater Melbourne area (I'm in So. Gippsland, 3.5 hours s/e of Melbs, so have to travel for everything anyway)? I'm hoping to see someone who's got some interest in coping with infertility failure and grief (but am open to someone who's at least empathetic). I'm having a lot of trouble coping......obviously......and I don't know if I need just some impartial talk therapy......or maybe something a bit more in depth......like maybe an antidepressant as well. I'll be honest, I've really been struggling the last couple of years with the grief and sadness from repeated failed treatments...... but apparently it's gotten chronic. My husband and mother "ganged up" on me last night after a fairly teary moment (moment out of nowhere, no identifiable triggers involved). In the meantime I'm trying to remember what I found interesting or fun before infertility and childlessness sucked out my will to live. I feel like it was another lifetime. I have found words with friends and you can play the computer and I won......so I'm obviously not as thick as I thought I was. There's that.

    Have spoken to Dr Ms office about the consult. Next consults were 15 Oct, day before my endo biopsy. Debbie(?) and I both agree it's best to wait until we've got all the results back from the tests my FS has organised, including the endo biopsy. she's sending me all the new patient forms to complete, and then they will get back to me with the next available date for phone consults. I'm assuming he does them maybe every couple of weeks....? I didn't think to ask, and I feel silly calling back. I'm assuming it's going to be around end of Oct.....? Trying not to get too ahead of myself.....but thinking there is no way I'm going to get back to Zlin in 2015, even if we do have a financial windfall.
    Initially had March 2016 pop in my head, so I guess that's probably about right. 6 months. Sigh.

    Speaking of tests.....below is the tests my FS ordered. Does that look about right for the first round??? I felt maybe there should have been a lot more.......perhaps I expect too much.

    Anyway, looking forward to the book. I'm hoping it will help me get some clarity on this new mess, and find some hope for the future. Xx
    Attached Images
    Last edited by tigerlilly9772; 23-09-2015 at 10:33.

  13. #318
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    117
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked
    65
    Reviews
    0
    I'm sorry you having such a hard time Tigerlilly.
    I know what that darkness is like. Somehow you have to push through it, breath deeply and keep faith. I have an amazing councillor but I live on the Mornington Peninsula who had helped me through this. I hope you find a good one. We found out our diagnoses through Dr Nick in April and it's just spun us out. We looked at adoption but it isn't for us due to the new rules of it being open adoption. So we are going back to Dr Nick in December. I would love to get on with it but my husband feels he wants more time before we do it again.
    The hardest part now that we have been give our diagnoses is not understanding it so we really are in the same boat. It's so unsettling so I totally understand.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Jojosniss For This Useful Post:

    tigerlilly9772  (23-09-2015)

  15. #319
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    South Gippsland
    Posts
    34
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked
    13
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Jojosniss View Post
    I'm sorry you having such a hard time Tigerlilly.
    I know what that darkness is like. Somehow you have to push through it, breath deeply and keep faith. I have an amazing councillor but I live on the Mornington Peninsula who had helped me through this. I hope you find a good one. We found out our diagnoses through Dr Nick in April and it's just spun us out. We looked at adoption but it isn't for us due to the new rules of it being open adoption. So we are going back to Dr Nick in December. I would love to get on with it but my husband feels he wants more time before we do it again.
    The hardest part now that we have been give our diagnoses is not understanding it so we really are in the same boat. It's so unsettling so I totally understand.
    hi Jo, I'm glad to say I had a better day today. It's like that for me, I go a while being very strong and holding it together, and then something triggers (having to be around babies or small children, holidays and birthday parties are super hard, baby showers I don't attend because I spend a lot of time in the bathroom "unwell") and sometimes, like yesterday, it comes from nowhere. **shrug**. I just assume it's because I've been strong and just need to let off steam......like a pressure cooker with a wonky pressure setting I guess. I hate it,but it's how I am.

    Like you, we looked into adoption, but we didn't qualify (due to age or heritage.....like with Lithuanian, one of the adoptive parents has to be able to prove Lithuanian lineage) with the international program's (not that there are many, and most are closed or on hold indefinitely.....um, isn't that essentially closed??). The appallingly low number of domestic adoptions in Australia put us off the most though. In 2014 there were something like 240 domestic adoptions, and of them 42-odd% were step parent adopting step child/ren, 36-odd% were adoption from long term care, and the rest were a mix of adoption from short term care and adoption where birth and adoptive parents had no previous relationship with each other. Honestly? Our odds of having a child of our own, even now with whatever is wrong with me, is vastly greater than that of being able to adopt. I'm not terribly excited about open adoption but not opposed to it. Were the odds better, I could easily be brought around to it.

    Anyway, good luck with Dr Nick, and hopefully your hubby comes around. here's hoping the next few months speed by. I'm trying to find a silver lining in the wait. Still looking but......maybe it's there. 2016 sometime I'll be able to go back to Zlin. I just can't see what's left of 2015 being an option, even if we win lottery. Not with waiting on results, consults, more testing, waiting for those,results, starting treatment, factor in everything closing for holidays.
    Cheers

  16. #320
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    117
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked
    65
    Reviews
    0

    Default High Natural Killer Cells #7

    I know what you mean about the trigger. I'm the very same. I coast along and then bam!!!! I can't breath, my tummy flips and where I have longed for a baby to grow now for years aches, it's horrible.
    I don't do baby showers either. Co incidentally they always land on days I am working.
    Please keep me posted. We sound like we are in the same place.
    Deep breaths 🙏

    Jo x
    Last edited by Jojosniss; 23-09-2015 at 22:07.

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to Jojosniss For This Useful Post:

    tigerlilly9772  (24-09-2015)


 

Similar Threads

  1. High Natural Killer Cells #6
    By ladybug14 in forum Reproductive Immunology
    Replies: 1000
    Last Post: 05-06-2015, 12:03
  2. High Natural Killer Cells #5
    By soclose in forum Reproductive Immunology
    Replies: 949
    Last Post: 23-11-2014, 10:39
  3. High Natural Killer Cells #4
    By Blueberry Swirl in forum Reproductive Immunology
    Replies: 980
    Last Post: 14-08-2014, 22:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Baby U & The Wiggles - Toilet Training Products
Toilet training can be a testing time but Baby U is there to assist you and your toddler with the daunting task of toilet training. With a range of products that can be used at home, on holidays or out & about.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!