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    Default Differences in maturity levels amongst peers

    My Daughter has just turned 8 and is in year 2 with a mixed class of 1 and 2’s. All throughout her schooling she has struggled to fit in and make connections.
    While she is mid range academically, she is mentally very mature for her age, expresses herself in a mature manner, knows when things are unjust and just knows much about life as if she has been here before! I’ve had teachers comment on how mature she is when verbally expressing and explaining herself.
    She is tired of the cattiness within friendship groups around her and just wants to get on and be happy without the negativity. She notices the girls in class who are very self conscious about their looks; having to look perfect, dress perfect, hair perfect and have the best of everything or strive to be the best most popular girl in class. She doesn’t care less about all of that as long as she feels comfortable; however the girls in her year group make her feel as though she is not good enough just being herself, put her down about her looks (when in fact she is quite an angelic naturally pretty girl) She doesn’t want to do her hair perfect or dress up – she just wants to be accepted the way she is.
    I can see that she is dragged down emotionally by kids around her not having the same maturity level and she is unhappy at school because of this.
    Her Birthday was a Month past the cut off date so i held her back from starting school until the following year. In hindsight I should have pushed to get her in.
    Does anyone have any advice regarding this? Will be so very much appreciated!!
    Thank you in advance

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    Quote Originally Posted by MAJS View Post
    My Daughter has just turned 8 and is in year 2 with a mixed class of 1 and 2’s. All throughout her schooling she has struggled to fit in and make connections.
    While she is mid range academically, she is mentally very mature for her age, expresses herself in a mature manner, knows when things are unjust and just knows much about life as if she has been here before! I’ve had teachers comment on how mature she is when verbally expressing and explaining herself.
    She is tired of the cattiness within friendship groups around her and just wants to get on and be happy without the negativity. She notices the girls in class who are very self conscious about their looks; having to look perfect, dress perfect, hair perfect and have the best of everything or strive to be the best most popular girl in class. She doesn’t care less about all of that as long as she feels comfortable; however the girls in her year group make her feel as though she is not good enough just being herself, put her down about her looks (when in fact she is quite an angelic naturally pretty girl) She doesn’t want to do her hair perfect or dress up – she just wants to be accepted the way she is.
    I can see that she is dragged down emotionally by kids around her not having the same maturity level and she is unhappy at school because of this.
    Her Birthday was a Month past the cut off date so i held her back from starting school until the following year. In hindsight I should have pushed to get her in.
    Does anyone have any advice regarding this? Will be so very much appreciated!!
    Thank you in advance
    I am sorry to say that make her stay wouldn't have made a difference. She will be fighting this battle to some extent all her schooling life. Hopefully she will find friends that she clicks with at some stage and these girls will become good friends.
    Just keep supporting her to just be herself.

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    Thank you for your reply - Yes that is all I can hope for.

    Just makes me sad when she is put down because her "Lips are too Fat" "Eyes are too Small" "I don't want to play with you because I'm jealous of your hair" etc etc...

    The issues she is dealing with I was expecting closer to high school... Things have certainly changed a lot since I was at school!

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I am sorry to say that make her stay wouldn't have made a difference. She will be fighting this battle to some extent all her schooling life. Hopefully she will find friends that she clicks with at some stage and these girls will become good friends.
    Just keep supporting her to just be herself.
    I was going to say I've seen it in the workplace too just help her be the amazing individual she is and one day she'll find a click.

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    My daughter has always very mature (both physically and emotionally) for her age ( now almost 12), she is also one of the oldest in her class. At this point she doesn't seem to have any bullying issues, but I think it may be due to her inner confidence and independence. She just doesnt associate if possible with the "silly girls" (as she calls them) but has a close circle of friends, both girls and boys. I am a big believer in developing resilience, confidence and independence from a young age, in order to have the ability to deal with lifes unpleasant situations. Be open and available to chat about everything and anything. I would be concerned that she hasn't made any friendship connections as yet? Can you help her facilitate connections by organising playdates with children on a similar level?

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    it is super hard

    unfortunately, kids can be so mean ... and without necessarily trying to be at times.

    All you can do is reinforce to her that its what is inside that counts, and that she can find some friends with her own interests


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    What about trying some outside interests ie putting her in swimming, gymnastics, horse riding etc etc to meet some new kids?

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    I hope she finds her place soon, but it can take a few years for the maturity levels to sort of equalise. I would be supporting her, and just building her confidence. is there any outside school activity that she might be interested in.? perhaps some sport group, ? dance group,? so she can find more friends that way. I would be just giving her as much confidence, and not dwell on the 'nasty' people. so sad how nasty kids can be. marie.

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    Thank you for your replies.

    Yes she does after school activities most nights of the week, but it's hard to get to know any of the kids or parents as it is not really an environment where you can chat, however it does boost her confidence and she loves it.

    Kaybaby She seems to make friends easily enough, but after a while she gets tired of the silly things that they do and moves on to find the less annoying people. I've been working with her about accepting peoples differences and chat with her every day after school so that we can problem solve her issues at school as things arise.


 

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