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  1. #1
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    Default Is it normal

    For an older sibling to not like their younger sibling? 😢

    Ds1 has never been that keen on his little brother, he had never hurt him etc but often tells him to 'go away' and shouts at him, snatches toys away from him etc.

    Ds1 is 4 and Ds2 is 16 months.

    He was never interested in the pregnancy etc.

    Occasionally (very rarely) they play together, and every night ds1 gives ds2 a cuddle and kids goodnight, but during the day he is pretty mean to him

    Ds2 doesn't talk yet and he isn't walking, but he does pull himself up to stand holding onto the couch. Ds1 was caught by DH the other day kicking ds2 in the head.

    I don't know what to do about it
    I feel like all we do is reprimand ds1 for everything. I feel for ds2 as he can't stand up for himself and I feel like I now cannot leave them alone together.

    We've tried telling ds1 that ds2 is part of our family and we love him and he loves ds1, we try to teach him to share and not be rough or mean to him, he doesn't listen

    We have also tried giving ds1 extra attention but that doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

    Every time ds1 goes into his room or the bathroom he closes the door in ds2's face and says he's not allowed in etc. I don't like that because I try and explain that it's not nice to be on the outside all on your own (normally I'm in the room or bathroom with ds1 when he does this.

    Is this normal? When does it change?

  2. #2
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    Sounds like he jealous to me.
    I would praise praise praise all the good behaviour, make time for one on one time, show him he still just as important.
    In saying that they may never get along. Some siblings just don't click.
    But it does just sound like jealousy to me.

  3. #3
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    I didn't notice it so much when my kids were that young and when ds was mean to dd it was mostly just for attention. Now DS (8) always says he hates his sister (5) but he still gives her a kiss and a hug when they leave for school and at bed time and they play together well most of the time.

  4. #4
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    My sister and I are great friends; played together heaps as kids. We still fought heaps and told everyone we hated each other.

    I'd suggest looking at things from your DS1's perspective. To him, is there anything positive about his brother, or only negatives? Sounds like, to a 4 year old, he may simply get in the way/annoy him/ruin things/lead to being told off.

    I'd do as a PP suggested - MASSIVE praise to your eldest for the behavior you want to see. I 'd also try to point out positives to him, like "look, ds2 wants to play. He finds you really interesting". Etc.

    He may genuinely never like his brother - you don't automatically like people just because they're family. He should know that that's okay, but you still expect certain behavior from him.

    All the best - it sounds tough. Hope things improve for you all.

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  6. #5
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    Not so much here. But DD1 (3) does often ask to be alone. I have the rule that you are always allowed to be alone in your bedroom and ask others to leave. That way if they are ever trying to make the other one leave them alone you can tell them they need to go to their room for alone time.

    Is there any common ground between the two? Mine like playing barbie together, so I encourage that.

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    Ds1 looks quite sad a lot of the time, the issues that DH and I have had of late haven't been hidden by us very well at all. I honestly feel like I have failed ds1 and that is why he is behaving like he does.

    Ds2 isn't near as advanced as what ds1 was at this age, so when they do play together it's mainly pushing cars etc, but DS1 does not want to share his cars, ds2 has his own but ds1 will also take those from him.

    I can't seem to get things sorted out so that I can spend time with them together, I NEVER seem to have time to play with them and help teach them that it's nice for them to play together. I honestly don't know how other mums do it.

    A friend of mine is ALWAYS playing with her boys (similar age to mine) by I always seem to have stuff to do! Like my house it is NEVER EVER tidy. Ever. It always has clothes, toys, paperwork etc etc lying everywhere, on the floor, on all the chairs / couches, on all the tables etc. I constantly feel like I need to be tidying up, cooking, doing washing etc and DS1 constantly wants food. If I knew how to get my life sorted out, I could spend some quality time with both of them. As it is, they spend far too much time in front of the tv

    I'm seriously failing at this parenting gig.

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    I had this problem with my boys.
    Now 2 and 7. I just got Ds1 to help out with heaps of stuff. He lives being helpful. So can you get the toys in the bath for me so you can play with your brother while I wash him.
    Or I let him stay up a little bit longer than ds2 to have a treat. As he is older I can reason a lot more than when ds2 was born.

  9. #8
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    Ds1 doesn't like to help out very often, he wants us to do everything for him. It's been such a struggle to get him to feed himself and also get him to go to the toilet on his own etc. it really depends on his mood, if he's happy he will sometimes help out, but if he's not, he will flat out refuse and throw and tantrum


 

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