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  1. #1
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    Default Age old question gaps between

    We will have ( almost exactly) a 2 year gap between #1 and #2.
    We're not done with this pregnancy and would love a 3rd as a minimum ( would love 4, but that might not be an option) but due to various reasons were thinking another 2 year gap between #2 and #3 isn't going to work.
    So question is :
    are you or do you have a family of 3 or more kids with a close then further apart age group? What are the pros and cons?
    For next we are looking at maybe a 3 year gap ( so 5 year between eldest and youngest)

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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    We will have ( almost exactly) a 2 year gap between #1 and #2.
    We're not done with this pregnancy and would love a 3rd as a minimum ( would love 4, but that might not be an option) but due to various reasons were thinking another 2 year gap between #2 and #3 isn't going to work.
    So question is :
    are you or do you have a family of 3 or more kids with a close then further apart age group? What are the pros and cons?
    For next we are looking at maybe a 3 year gap ( so 5 year between eldest and youngest)
    Hi, I am the eldest of 5 siblings (on mum's side, bio dad has more).

    Between me (nov 88) and #2 (apr 90) there is a 16 month gap
    Between #2 and #3 (apr 97) there is a 7 year gap
    Between #3 and #4 (jan 2001) there is a 3yr 9 month gap
    Between #4 and #5 (sept 2007) there is a 6 yr 8 month gap

    Myself and #2 do not get along, and mum found it very difficult, but that was probably because she was 19 when we were both around. #2 doesn't actually get along with anyone- he was good with #4 and #5 when they were babies (up to age 2).
    Myself and #3 do not get along very well- I was the resident babysitter and hated it. #3 gets along with #5.
    Myself and #4 adore each other, and #4 gets along with #5 and sometimes #3.
    Myself and #5 are quite close, though I left when she was quite young so we don't know each other well. #5 gets along with everyone.

    Pros for parents:
    -mum was done (5 kids) by age 37. The youngest is nearly 8 now and mum has her life back, so to speak.
    - older kid could help with younger ones (youngest came home from hospital while I was on holidays- had finished high school and university didn't start for a month- so I sent mum to bed and looked after baby for 3 days straight. Mum had c-section).
    - younger kids learned things quicker as they had more to watch
    - further gap meant we actually got along more, those close in age got easily annoyed with each other

    Cons:
    - LOTS of kids
    - 20 odd years of having a baby/toddler around, plus older kids as it went on
    - limited time/free time, between baby toddler and school runs (high and primary)
    - cash flow wasn't great, dad worked but mum stayed at home after #3 was born as it made sense (myself and #2 were in primary)
    - close gaps meant lots of fights regularly as we were at ages where we wanted the same things, and only had the same understanding as the younger one (to an extent, e.g. me at 2 having to share with a 8 month old... when kids don't really 'get' sharing until 6+).

    There's more but it all sort of overlaps.

    ETA: mum sort of had the best and worst of both worlds, with having two 'close' gaps and three far gaps.
    A friend had 3 kids, each 2ish years apart. No plans to have more. She had her first at 20, second at almost 23, and third recently at 25 . She has no life. I don't mean that in a bad way, but she literally has no free time. Kids are 2 months, almost 3, and just over 5. The eldest started school this year, 3 year old goes to pre-school and baby is at home. Between running the house (hubby works long hours), school drop-offs, shopping, homework, laundry, and all the stuff that comes with baby (plus all the stuff noone thinks about, like school events, parent-teacher meetings, sick days, etc) she needs a 40 hour day.

    Having said that, in 4ish years, they will all be at school in the same school, and things will get easier. So, as she says, "It's a couple of years of really hard work, and then it's just life stuff".
    Last edited by DT75; 31-05-2015 at 13:20.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Having said that, in 4ish years, they will all be at school in the same school, and things will get easier. So, as she says, "It's a couple of years of really hard work, and then it's just life stuff".
    That's what I'm thinking. 2-3 kids each with 2 year age gap. It'll be hard to begin with but then they'll all be at school and it'll get easier.

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    I had a 3 year age gap between DS and the twins, and then a 21 month age gap between the twins and DS4.

    Honestly - if I could do it over, I'd try and get the age gaps bigger -especially between the twins and DS4, the last 6 years has been a blur and just really full on. It's getting better now though. But my friend who is having her 4th soon will have a 6 year gap between her youngest now and the new baby - and her kids are so exciting and all looking forward to helping out. I think that sounds nice, to have some older kids who can play with bubs while you need to go to the toilet etc

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    Not quite...I have a 21 month gap and then a 28 month gap. The bigger gap was easier and I'm thinking a 3 year gap would have been good. There will be a bit over three years between 3 and 4 so I'll let you know for sure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Apple iPhart6 View Post
    That's what I'm thinking. 2-3 kids each with 2 year age gap. It'll be hard to begin with but then they'll all be at school and it'll get easier.
    Very hard- even with average kids.
    Another friend has 4- 2, 3 and 2 years apart... the second and fourth kids have asperger's and the oldest has motor problems. She finds it very very difficult.

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    I have 20 months between 1 & 2 and it was/is great. But I knew my limits and wanted a bigger age gap next time. We were aiming for a 3.5 year gap between middle and youngest but TTC has not been going well and are closing in on a year (despite having no difficulty falling pregnant with the first two) so the age gap is starting to get much bigger than I had ever entertained the idea of.

    I wish we had started TTC earlier.

    There is no point to this post other than my own musings

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    We are expecting a surprise #3 and will have three under four- 21 months between 1 and 2 and 23 months between 2 and 3. I loved the gap with 1 and 2 and of all the worries I have about #3 the gap is not one of them. I'm really happy about having them close. I know it won't be easy at first but it's going to be lovely as they grow up.


 

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