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  1. #11
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    Op,

    I can see that this really strange contact from your ex-bf is really playing on your emotions. I really have no advice or no understanding of this - but after DD was born I kept getting contacted by an ex. Things had ended very poorly for us and I didn't understand why she wanted to see me, but I went along as I felt I needed to explain the end of our relationship (I ended it). I definitely got some closure from this meeting. To me, if you don't want to get back together with your ex, there is nothing wrong with meeting with them. DP is really good friends with an ex.

    I hope that you can work out these feelings. I can't imagine it feels good walking around carrying this weight with you.

  2. #12
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    I haven't read all the posts, but I'm still in contact VERY occasionally with my ex. We were together for 3 years, broke up 10 years ago. We will inbox each other for birthday/Xmas etc. we have mutual friends so I don't know if that's different and he was aware of issues dh and I had trying to conceive so I inboxed him to tell him as I was excited (we were both concerned my struggles may have been from a termination if had). I've never thought of it being odd contacting him. Does seem a little strange if it's been so long without any contact and to want to meet up in person. I'm not sure it's anything to worry about though

  3. #13
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    It sounds like you make him feel good about himself. Whilst he wasnt that into you, you were into HIM & that's a little ego boost.

    Maybe he contacts you when he's feeling down and wants to be propped up by you?

    You dodged a bullet with that one!

  4. #14
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    Default Case of the ex- university boyfriend 10 years later has been contacting me.

    I had a long reply but deleted,
    Basically people can be jerks and we don't know the reasons behind things.
    Maybe the relationship meant more to him than you realised or maybe it was just a one last fling with someone.
    Last edited by maternidade; 01-06-2015 at 11:36.

  5. #15
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I would be not even thinking of making any contact with him. I can not see any benefit for you and I think you might be risking harm to what you have now. leave the past in the past, and don't bother thinking of the 'what ifs' marie.

  6. #16
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    Sounds like an ego boost on his part OP.

    A friend of mine is married to a guy who regularly flirts with and engages in online sex with people- by text not webcam. He sees nothing wrong with it, and doesn't view it as cheating. However, after his online 'friends' found out that his wife was not as aware as he had let on, they 'dumped' him, and he stared chasing up exes that he knew he had left heartbroken.

  7. #17
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    I can't speak for this guy, but I do know that I've in general been able to stay friends with majority of my exes to a certain degree, so I found it weird when one of my exes defriended me on facebook. I have contemplated trying to contact him a few times to see how he is, and there is definitely nothing more to it than just wondering how he is. I am extremely happy with my life, my husband, and my family. I wouldn't be contacting him for any other reason excpet that he had been a good friend and I hope he is doing well.

  8. #18
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    Memories are funny things. We are very good at remembering only the good times with some people and struggle to recall just how bad some things were! I get it - I too have an ex who I had THE happiest of times with. Was probably the time in my life where I was the happiest and I'll never forget that. What I also have to remind myself of is that it was also the worst of times as well! And she does much the same - contacts for some weird reason when she doesn't have to and I know she's in another relationship. And suddenly, BAM, all those feelings surface and you're all confused again.

    Sucks huh.

    All I can suggest in making sure you always remember what was bad about that relationship and also why you married your husband! Love sometimes isn't as easy as some people think! I will always have feelings for my ex - I can't help that. How it was, what we went through - that will never truly go away and I can't just make a decision to switch that off. But what I can do always logically remind myself why I'm happier without her and make sure I don't let nostalgia (I knew there was a word for it!) sweep me up into bad decisions! And the fact that you're aware of it tells me you're on the right track! But yeah, you're not alone!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    I would be not even thinking of making any contact with him. I can not see any benefit for you and I think you might be risking harm to what you have now. leave the past in the past, and don't bother thinking of the 'what ifs' marie.
    I agree with this. It's playing with fire. The issues you do have need to be dealt with by you. This guy won't give you any clarity and talking to him won't fix whatever is wrong.

    Just...don't. For your own sake.


 

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