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  1. #1
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    Default Case of the ex- university boyfriend 10 years later has been contacting me.

    Undercover hubber here, for obvious reason I would like to keep this away from my account.

    Anyway, I have periodically received msgs from my ex over the years. I always gave short concise answers and sometimes not at all to his contact. He was never that into me, and so I moved on plus he was the one who ended it. I have been with DH happily for over 10 years now.

    I received a Facebook msg the other week asking if I would like to have dinner with him, I declined. TBH I didn't give it a second thought.

    Then, I find out that the ex JUST got married. I'm very happy that he is married, but why the hell would you msg a person you knew for 9 months ten years ago when you were getting married? In what universe is that ok? To show off his life (I'm a SAHM with X2 kids), or does he think that because I actually gave a crap about the relationship back then that he owes me a dinner conversation about it?

    This really has me bum fuzzled, and in terms of disclosure I have been honest with DH, but I can't stop being annoyed about the whole thing.
    Last edited by TryAgainTomorrow; 30-05-2015 at 07:15.

  2. #2
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    That's so strange. I think you handled it really well though. I guess you had a big impact on him?

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  4. #3
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    If I did, that would be news to me. He gave the impression that he didn't like me that much.

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    I had something similar, but with a high school boyfriend. We were inseparable for just under a year and then he ended it suddenly. Broke my heart! But over the years he would always message me - but at the oddest times!
    He called me 8 months after he broke it off with me, when his girlfriend was in labour with his twins! We met up for a drink - I had no idea they were still together, or that she was in labour!!!!!! I promptly left!!
    Then a few years later he calls me one night out of the blue, asks me if I am happy with DF and hopes he is treating me well & tells me he and his girl are having issues...... He still married her a month later, claiming it to be the happiest day of his life!!!
    I always wondered if that phone call was a way for him to leave? Maybe if I was single or something he would come back??? I have no idea!
    Few years after that he found me on Facebook and would randomly message me and I think his wife found out and his Facebook account was deleted after that. It was never anything suspicious our chats and was actually more me being really short and to the point as well!
    And I was always honest with DH.

    It is very odd!

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  7. #5
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    Maybe he wants to meet in person to see if the spark is still there? Maybe he regrets the way he treated you and still has feelings for you?

    Whatever the case, it's inappropriate of him to suggest meeting up when you are both married.

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  9. #6
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    If it were me, I'd just ask him why he wants to meet up, especially if it seemed he wasn't that into you at the time. I'm too curious, I'd have to know

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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    Maybe he wants to meet in person to see if the spark is still there? Maybe he regrets the way he treated you and still has feelings for you?

    Whatever the case, it's inappropriate of him to suggest meeting up when you are both married.
    It's so easy to get caught up in the feelings you had for someone or some glorified notion of what life would be with a person you really appreciated.

    But, the reality is that I am more happy with DH (most days, lol) and he does have a wife. I can't help but put myself in her shoes or wonder if it were me whether he would've done the same thing in communicating with former partners. Makes me realise what a great catch he is not (for me, anyway).

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    I think this guy is a loser sorry. He wasn't that into you when you were dating and chose to let you go. Now he's messaging other women now he's married? You could have been that wife that doesn't know he's messaging other people. He did you such a favour when he let you go . Enjoy your life with your husband and put Mr Sleazey to the back of your mind.

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  14. #9
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    Did he ask to meet up before he got married?
    Wedding jitters?

    I had something very similar happen with an ex of mine.
    We never fell out and it's been over 20 yrs now but just before he got married (I was already married with one child) he got in contact and brought up a whole lot of past feelings (his) and had basically convinced himself HE was the one I should have been with.
    No encouragement from me.
    In the end I told him he was insulting me, the life I had, my DH and my child, which were all by choice and he was never, ever, a consideration.
    Like you, OP, the whole thing annoyed me to no end.

    He got married and we're still friends.
    We don't speak of it but I just put it down to pre-wedding nerves or something.

  15. #10
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    Yes, I am told it was just before he got married. Which, pre-wedding nerves I understand.

    I don't know, part of me has always had trouble letting go of this time in my life. It is only time in my life where I have woken up truly happy. I think to some extent the ex preys on that, not in a mean way, but to feel better about himself.

    This whole thing has definitely thrown me for a loop. Its drudged up feelings that I obviously didn't deal with back then.

    I don't have any intention of leaving DH or anything like that, but I think it's time to re-evaluate me and deal with my issues. Surely it's not normal to feel like this 10-11 years after the fact.
    Last edited by TryAgainTomorrow; 31-05-2015 at 09:17.


 

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