I just wanted some advice/thoughts on how to deal with an issue that is about to come up and tips on learning some tolerance!
My family live overseas and my dad and his partner arrive in a few weeks to visit us for 3 weeks.
My dad and I have always had quite a good relationship however his partner and I do not get along. There are no arguments, we just don't particularly like each other. Over the last few years the partner has developed a problem with alcohol addiction (could have been going on for longer but I have only be aware of the issue for around 4 years or so). My dad justified things to a certain extent as in his words she is a "functioning alcoholic". Now, I know addiction is an illness but her decline and subsequently his is something I really struggle with. Over the last few years she has lost her drivers license for crashing in to a parked car whilst drunk, lost her job and generally stopped caring about her appearance, her skin is dry and flaking and fingernails are black. She always looks unkempt. With the help of my dad she has got a voluntary job in a charity shop working for free for a few hours each morning, to which my dad drives her to and picks her up from and in his words it "keeps her off the streets". She has no friends and they don't socialise with other people. My dad fortunately does have his own circle of friends through his hobbies so he does spend a bit of time with them. There house is an absolute mess to the point where it upset me so much the last time I visited that I haven't been to visit his home for around 4 years when I go overseas to visit my family, we meet at my grandmothers. It's like he got fed up being the one to keep the place neat and tidy and cleaning up after her that he has just given up too. Whenever I visit home he gives me money to go and get him some new clothes as she is incapable of doing this for him. He has his own business and since he is supporting her doesn't have much free time. I just feel sad about the whole situation and perhaps throughout my life have put him on a bit of a pedestal and can't bare to see him living like this and being dragged down by her.
I am really not sure what the point in this rant is, perhaps I just need to not think about it after all he is an adult so let him get on with it. But they are coming to stay soon and with her personal hygiene and the way she is I just can't stand the thought of her touching my 12 month old DS!!
So, how can I be more tolerant? I want them to have a nice visit but I am dreading it already. I can barely look at her. She adds nothing to any conversation and it's just awkward. I also worry about her drinking secretly in our house. What if she gets drunk and we are unaware (she is good at hiding it) and somehow endangers my DS?
Perhaps I am overthinking things....