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  1. #21
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    I agree with @LoveLivesHere she got it spot on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    Yes I would stay with my partner and help them get help if they weren't hurt the kids or myself.
    If they were accepting the illness and getting treatment than It would ever cross my mind to leave
    To clarify: I never asked about leaving the relationship. I asked about bringing children into a situation where one person refused to acknowledge and manage their mental illness.

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    Thank you again for the responses. For all those managing their own complicated situations, an especially big thank you for sharing.

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    No, I wouldn't. I ignored my mental illness for a long time and it nearly had tragic and dire consequences for my family, for one of the children in it.
    So no. If there was mental illness that my partner refused to acknowlege and it could be dangerous, I would not have children with them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    No, I wouldn't. I ignored my mental illness for a long time and it nearly had tragic and dire consequences for my family, for one of the children in it.
    So no. If there was mental illness that my partner refused to acknowlege and it could be dangerous, I would not have children with them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    To clarify: I never asked about leaving the relationship. I asked about bringing children into a situation where one person refused to acknowledge and manage their mental illness.
    And that's a totally valid question. Having kids with someone who had an illness which affects their ability to function in life (eg if they don't have a treatment plan) will create a whole lot of work and stress for the remaining parent.

    My friends hubby has a mental illness. He is also lazy and a little mysogynistic (had those conditions before the mental illness reared it's head). He won't help himself and he won't help with the kids even though he is a stay at home dad and my friend works outside of the home. The responsibility for EVERYTHING (cooking, cleaning, kids appointments, hubby's appointments) falls on my friend. She has no time for herself and is so stressed. To be honest I couldn't cope if I was my friend - I think I would have taken the kids and left by now if I was her. She wants to stand by her hubby though which is admirable. That being said if she was considering more kids (which she isn't) and asked my opinion I would tell her she was absolutley crazy for considering it.

    *** I fully acknowledge that each situation is different.

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  9. #27
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    No I would never actively bring children into such a situation. I suffered from sever anxiety due to my mums depression when I was growing up. I still have therapy when my anxiety flares up. However I acknowledge it and it doesn't affect my ability to function but to this day I have to be on top of it. But as a child I was a mess. Mental illness affects the whole family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil M View Post
    This is me too. I thought society was overcoming the stigma of mental health issues, but reading this thread makes me think otherwise.
    This is somewhat unfair.

    My DH has bipolar, and he told me early on in the relationship. If I hadn't found out/he hid that from me until much later, I would have been hurt and distrustful. I would refuse to have children with him. And, yes, I may have left.
    Not because of the mental illness, but because of how he dealt with it.

    Similarly, if I was with someone who refused to accept that they had a mental illness, or refused to get treated for it, I would not have children with him, and would consider leaving.
    Again NOT because of the mental illness, but because of how they deal (or not in this case) with it.

    It's not a stigma against mental illness. It's choosing not to bring a child into an unstable relationship.

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  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    To clarify: I never asked about leaving the relationship. I asked about bringing children into a situation where one person refused to acknowledge and manage their mental illness.
    This is the question that most people in the thread have answered. I don't think anyone here has said that they'd leave their partner because of a mental illness, just that if their partner was in denial of having a MI (and therefore not seeking treatment) that they wouldn't want to bring children into the relationship at that point. Which I think is a valid decision (not saying that it's the only right decision).

    To those in the thread who have shared their experiences with MI, I am truly in awe of your strength! Fighting a daily battle against your own mind is truly one of the hardest battles. I wish that I had had the courage in the past to admit when I needed help, so I applaud you for being brave enough to speak up, and to share your experiences with others to try and break the stigma xo

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    Edited to remove details
    Last edited by kezanazz; 29-05-2015 at 18:02.

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