After some advice guidance.
I left an abusive relationship (marriage) well over a year ago. We split amicably as he admitted he needed help and after years of trying to work through things I couldn't do it any more. I moved out and we agreed on 50/50 care. We have two children (almost 4yo and just 2yo).
In Feb he was arrested, I can't go into much detail as it's still with the courts but he wasn't allowed contact with myself or the children for three months. I had to sign consent for him to see them again. Since being able to see them he has been pushing for more and more time with them. I let him see them pretty much whenever he wants at the expense of myself (He constantly touches me, won't leave when I ask him to and tells the kids things like that I am ruining our family etc). He pushes so much that I give in and let him take them.
(Little bit of background- Our eldest was stuttering prior to him being arrested and stopped for the duration they had no contact and has started again).
My children 'prefer' him. Are always asking for daddy and demanding to go to daddys house. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like the worst mother. I am always respectful to my ex and try to accommodate him but I don't know how much more I can take.
Things got a lot worse when I started dating nearly a year ago (still together). We are taking things slow, don't flaunt the relationship etc but It really made my ex into a vile person who feels like he owns me.
I am weak when it comes to him and in many ways appreciated his bail conditions because it meant he couldn't just show up (Its a common occurrence for him to show up even at lunch time even when the kids aren't here and have an excuse to come in my house). I have booked appointments with DFVPS but always chicken out because he rarely violent.
This is never where I imagined myself being