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  1. #1
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    Default Self Settling isn't working

    Hi everyone,
    I spoke to Ngala about s week ago to try to teach my baby who's 15 weeks old to self settle. Until now she's sleays fed to sleep. They suggested have a nighttime routine and a nap routine which I've started. It always goes the same way; I do the routine and put her down. She starts to cry. At first I can settle Her by patting her in her cot. This works maybe twice. Then each time her cries get worse anf longer and I have to pick her up to settle her- this takes longer each time. So basically we go through this for up to an hour (sometimes more at night) and I have to cuddle her to sleep. Ngala said to do this because she will get over tired and it won't work.
    I'm at a loss. I'm doing everything: get her when she's starting to get tree by looking at her cues and giving her new sleep associations like white noise and the routine. She won't have a dummy. I just feel helpless. If anyone could give me any suggestions or reassurance I will LOVE you. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
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    Lots and lots of sympathy! I've been there. My advice is to try not to stress too much about it - which I know is much easier said than done. I don't think you can really expect too much from them before about 4/5 months - at 4 months their sleep evolves and you will probably have a bit more success with the routines. Do whatever works for you and bub for now and keep trying with resettling as much as you can without getting stressed. Good luck, it will get easier.

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    I feel your pain, I've been there. I can't tell you how many hours I wasted trying to get my son to SS. Waste of time, he learned in his own time when he was about 10 months old.

    With my second I was determined not to go down that path. I gave her the opportunity to SS, wasn't working so I fed and cuddled her to sleep.

    Enjoy your baby, enjoy holding her to sleep, it goes so fast.

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    SS is seriously overrated. Both my kids weren't the type to do it and I wasn't the type to push it.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong in feeding or cuddling your baby to sleep. I now look at my two aged 3&5 and miss those snuggles. Thankfully belly baby is coming to assuage my achingly empty arms.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    15 weeks is still quite young, I'm all for self settling, but it is also important that Bub gets to sleep. I tend to try each time to put Bub down on their own, I'm happy for them to grizzle for a few minutes, but if they are full on crying, or the grizzling is going on too long, then I go in and help. If patting helps your Bub, then do this, if you need to pick them up, or feed to sleep then do this. At this age I wouldn't persist with the self settling for too long each sleep, but would give them the opportunity to self settle each sleep, one day it will happen!
    And don't think it is anything you are doing wrong, some babies find it easier than others.

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    For many, many babies self settling isn't supposed to work at this age. Babies have been soothed to sleep in their mum's belly for nine months before being born and often continue to need that comfort for some time more. I have two older children and know that this time passes so quickly, so I am soaking up every moment I can enjoy this closeness with my five month old. We safely co-sleep so we both get a full nights sleep. I also use baby carriers so I can get things done while I get him to sleep during the day. All the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    For many, many babies self settling isn't supposed to work at this age. Babies have been soothed to sleep in their mum's belly for nine months before being born and often continue to need that comfort for some time more. I have two older children and know that this time passes so quickly, so I am soaking up every moment I can enjoy this closeness with my five month old. We safely co-sleep so we both get a full nights sleep. I also use baby carriers so I can get things done while I get him to sleep during the day. All the best.
    I think I heart you. That's my view too.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    For many, many babies self settling isn't supposed to work at this age. Babies have been soothed to sleep in their mum's belly for nine months before being born and often continue to need that comfort for some time more. I have two older children and know that this time passes so quickly, so I am soaking up every moment I can enjoy this closeness with my five month old. We safely co-sleep so we both get a full nights sleep. I also use baby carriers so I can get things done while I get him to sleep during the day. All the best.
    I think I heart you. That's my view too.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    15 weeks is still young. The best thing you can do at this point is to set the scene for low intervention style sleep and let bub grow into it:
    1) ensure bub has enough bedding/blankets (many parents under estimate the amount of bedding needed, resulting in frequent wakings)
    2) swaddling - at 15 weeks bub probably still needs to be swaddled
    3) introduce a comforter (the teddy blanket style ones) and use it at every sleep and only at sleep time
    4) reduce the amount of sleep-aids requiring adult intervention to rectify/repeat (dummy/patting/feeding/rocking/music). You are about to head into the 4 month sleep regression so you may very well need to use these things. If possible try to stop patting when bub is really drowsy but not asleep.
    5) hunger - nearly 4 months... Perhaps bubs is gearing up for solids

    You are heading towards the 4 month sleep regression. Have a look at this article. https://childsleepscience.wordpress....done-about-it/

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    I did my head in with my first, trying to teach her to self settle. It upset me and her. But all the books say they need to learn to fall asleep on their own or they will never sleep properly. Absolute rubbish in my opinion.

    With DD2 i gleefully cuddled to sleep. She slept fine till 5 months then the wheels fell off due to a belly issue.

    At ten months both girls stopped cuddling to sleep. They wanted to get down and play. That's when I put them in their cots awake and we worked on self settling. At 12m we dropped to 1 day sleep and they were so relieved to go to bed they self settled fine.


 

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